I smile, stand tall and toss a lanyard onto a nearby table.
Then I reply, "Notice the three keys and the whistle? I have access to two classrooms, two gyms and two storage rooms. Think of a ball. Rugby? Basketball? Soccer? I have immediate access to these and many more. Ah, you want a few cones to mark something out? No problem. Netball hoops on poles? Consider it done. Ah, so you want to outfit a group of people in matching bibs? Absolutely no problem at all! Yellow? Blue? Just let me know the colour. Oh, I see, you want to jump off a high wall and not hurt yourself. I have something that will help in the gym number 2 equipment room. Don't get confused, we sometimes refer to it as the new gym - mainly because it was built after the older one. Anyway, it's a big cushion thing that will break your fall. It's like a bed - you could sleep on it. I could move out of home and sleep in that storage room! Actually there's bedding there for about six people. I don't want to skite too much but I also have access to a room that only PE staff (with keys) can enter. The poor old student teacher has to knock and wait for someone to let him in! I also know where they keep the long thing you can use to pull out (to set up) the basketball hoops. But, hang on, that is not all. I have a whistle. No need to shout, a whistle can shut a lot of people up. It also sends a clear signal that tells people I am controlling any game that might be happening near me. Any game. I don't even need to know the rules. I just blow the whistle. It feels a bit like how it must feel to be god! Yep pal, I've done okay. You see, I'm a relief PE teacher."