mercoledì 27 dicembre 2017

Early to rise.

Quietness Challenged.

Uncle Steve was up at 5.30am this morning. It sounded like he touched every plate and cup in the kitchen. Uncle Steve has a condition called Quietness Challenged. How can you tell if a member of your family suffers from Quietness Challenged?

Here's an easy to use checklist:
  • When using a telephone, a QC person will talk loud enough so that, if the telephone wasn't working, the person at the other end could still hear them.
  • A QC person assumes that, if he is not sleeping, no one else can be.
  • If you get out of bed and a QC person is in your house, he won't be aware of the time to wake up rule and will immediately engage with you in deep and meaningful conversation.
  • A QC person is like a Heavy Metal guitarist - the volume knob is always set on 10.
What can I do if I'm living with a QC person?

There is no known cure for this condition but here are a few things you can try:
  • Sleep in your car.
  • Stay awake all the time.
  • Disconect the phone and pretend that it is broken.
  • If this person is going to be in your house for a long time, have your ear drums surgically removed. 
Remember that this is an illness and a QC person is unaware of why everyone else in the house looks tired all the time. Some people find respite by sending the QC person on long erands.
Here are some helpful suggestions:
  • Find a person a few blocks away who needs a cat fed while they are on holiday.
  • When you go to the supermarket 'forget' to buy one thing that you really need.
  • Tell the QC person about a must see movie that is on across town - make sure you know the QC person's passions so that you can make the movie sound attractive.
  • If you are not working (if you are you have an out) pretend you have a new job and get a motel room where you can catch up on sleep through the day. 

5 commenti:

THE CURMUDGEON ha detto...

Move house and don't give the QC person the new address.

Pretend you are dead and put death notices in the newspaper.

Shoot him.

We are guests where we are staying and I'm conscious of any noise I make in the kitchen when making that morning cuppa
I usually stay in bed as long as I can first though.

THE CURMUDGEON ha detto...

Poor old uncle Steve.
Tell him he's welcome to stay with us if you kick him out.

Richard (of RBB) ha detto...

He'll shit in your main toilet without giving it a thought.

Robert ha detto...

I kind off agree with Peter on this one.

THE CURMUDGEON ha detto...

OK. Best to tell him my address is 134 Randwick Rd, Moera.