venerdì 12 gennaio 2018

Why pants were invented.

Pants come in many shapes, sizes and styles.

These pants are referred to as 'shorts'.
Normally underpants are worn under pants (the name sort of tells you where they should go).

A traditional form of men's underpants.
Pants serve a variety of purposes:
  • They hide bits that other people may not want to see
  • They offer some warmth and protection
  • They hide underpants
  • They are generally the first step in the process of dressing up.
Underpants have a variety of functions too:
  • They supply a bit of modesty if, for some reason, you need to take your pants off
  • They stop pants chafing
  • They contain any little drops of urine that might be left after a pee
  • They are the first line of defence if you accidently shit yourself.
In hot climates wearing short pants and underpants will cause minimum discomfort from overheating.

So, why am I telling you this?

Let me explain.

This is The Curmudgeon.

Here are a few things you notice pretty soon when you see him:
  • He is old
  • He is not attractive
  • You don't want to see him naked
Here is a pretty young woman.

Here are a few things you notice pretty soon when you see her:
  • She is young
  • She is attractive
  • What she chooses to wear, and how much, is her business. No problem.
Now, this is what The Curmudgeon needs to understand:

He confesses to walking around his house in hot weather with nothing on. One doesn't even need to see him doing this to get a very bad feeling. The mere thought is enough. It's something that you start envisaging even though you seriously do not want to. The mind can play very cruel tricks.
Also, what if he coughs without realising that he has a slight touch of diahrea from too much wine the night before? 
No undies to do their job - we have a serious problem here.
Especially if his house has light coloured carpet.
The Curmudgeon needs to realise that everyone has a lot to gain from him being slightly hotter.
Leave off the shirt, if you must, The Curmudgeon, but please, please, please just consider what you are putting others through. I'm not just talking about some poor unfortunate who might, perchance, catch a glimpse. Think of your readers in Alaska, think of those poor souls in other places who have their minds infected by an image. An image worse than putting your hand in fire. An image worse than mistakebly eating a piece of dog shit. An image worse than waking up and finding you're a devout Christian.
I guess I'm just asking, in the hope that you will take pity on those you don't know you're damaging.
Please leave your pants and undies on, no matter how hot it seems.

8 commenti:

Robert ha detto...

I've changed my mind. Nudity is OK.

THE CURMUDGEON ha detto...

Mmmm, I'm thinking that the coughing and shitting yourself comes from empirical knowledge and isn't just a supposition.
No wonder you wear black underpants.

THE CURMUDGEON ha detto...

Big black underpants.

THE CURMUDGEON ha detto...

"I've changed my mind. Nudity is OK." said Robert.

I think that he's reminiscing over Mrs O'Sullivan walking around naked in her house.

Best get that cold water hose running over your head (and other parts) Robert.

Robert ha detto...

I walked though the mall today nude.
It was nude day.
No one looked as they were intent on shopping.
"I've seen it before" winked one person with sagging boobs and multiple brown spots.

After a while it became natural.
The pretty women had heavy thighs and a sagging bottom.
The young men tried to hide their piece sometimes.

Richard (of RBB) ha detto...

Hey, what's in this can? It's labelled old men and nudity. Why are there worms in the picture on the label? Probably best to open it.

Robert ha detto...

"A complicated matter likely to prove awkward or embarrassing."

Richard (of RBB) ha detto...

Where is this quote from Robert?