All Blacks vs Gli Azzurri.

 

Tutti Neri vs The Blues.

It's going to be an interesting match. The Blues have been playing very well but the Tutti Neri have been struggling a bit. The Blues have a kiwi coach, so they'll have some insider knowledge of the Tutti Neri.

Though, as they say, tra il dire e il fare c'e` di mezzo il mare. I guess we'll find out tomorrow morning.

I personally think that the Tutti Neri can get their act together tomorrow. Buonafortuna to both teams.

Play like the cat, not the dog.

Ciao tutti.

I bought a new set of wheels today.

 

I bought this blue beast at a car auction in Wellington.

Two reasons...

• I want to look cool as I speed over Transmission Gully and
• I received recognition today that I am, in fact, a bit of a speedster.

I'm also saving up for this...

THE BACK STORY.

Okay, for too long now, the Prowses have been laughed at for being slow drivers. People used to joke about my older brother, saying that, when he was driving, you could walk past him. I've even put up with cynical remarks from my own son, once for doing 80kph on a motorway. Okay, I WAS a slow driver, but all that changed on the 17th. of this month. 

"Drove a vehicle on Ohiro Road at a speed exceeding 50 kilometres per hour being an offence detected by approved vehicle surveillance equipment."

I was evidently doing 58kph!

I'm a speed freak!

I proudly paid the $30.

Okay, I know that, if I want to pass trucks on Transmission Gully that are doing well over 100kph, I need a bigger motor. By the way, the speed limit for trucks on this stretch of road is 90kph, but that doesn't seem to get policing. Instead, the police are rightfully busy catching old men who have been to the tip and have over-accelerated a bit to get up a slightly steep incline.  

Some of those trucks on Transmission Gully, and other roads, are huge. If I weren't such a speed freak myself, I'd question who was giving these truck drivers heavy trade licences. Are they teaching them basic physics? You know what I mean - how far does it take such a huge machine to stop if something goes wrong?

Not my business because I'm a speedy guy too now. 

First thing for me is to start doing 90kph on motorways. Dammit!

We speed freaks know that it is the slow drivers who are dangerous because they hold everyone up and make them late for very important engagements. Also, it makes them look like their huge vehicles are not fast enough and, when these slow big vehicles are driven by men, it makes people guess that they might have a small penis.

I feel like someone who has just found religion!

Hey, my new ute is really powerful and fast, so watch out all you dawdlers! 

And just wait until I get that new white beast!

Speed! Speed! Speed! Don't be the one to hold me up!

I'm in a hurry and I AM IMPORTANT!

Ciao tutti.

Here's the problem with the weather!

 A big dick is standing over Cook Strait and pissing everywhere.

Hey, and talking about dicks, it seems that Winston got here first.

Ah, don't you wish you could just go back to the good old days!

Ciao tutti.

"The burden of proof is with the atheist."

 The author, or blogger who used this statement, is telling us that an atheist (a person who disbelieves or lacks belief in the existence of a god or gods) is responsible for showing that he is, in fact, correct.

One of the gods in question.

Well, in some cases, that is very easy. Take the Sun God, for example. 

Most people, and I'm sure there are exceptions, get the idea now that the sun is a star and not a god. It hurts me to say this but, even Zeus was probably made up. There are a lot of gods we could take off the list pretty quickly.

I'm sure that Robert, who printed the statement, "The burden of proof is with the atheist." would be happy to see all the 'false' gods go because he is only really interested in the Christian god. That does mean that many, many people (think of India, for example) worship a made up god or gods. So, I guess that atheists are right on many counts and Robert would have to agree with that.

So, there is just one god standing in the way of atheists having the correct information. Maybe there is an entity that made our universe, but it doesn't look like it is the Catholic god. Phew!

Why did I make that last remark?

To be a Christian you have to believe that their book was written by God (note the capital letter).

Robert will tell us that there is ample proof of his god's existence. I just wish he would tell us what it is. I certainly don't buy The Bible as proof.

Hang on, sorry, it's MY job to prove that god DOESN'T exist.

I guess it's also my job to prove that the Easter Bunny doesn't really deliver Easter eggs to millions of houses and that, if you are a bit of a naughty child sometimes, you're still probably going to get Christmas presents.

I'll be honest. I don't like the Christian god. He makes us, then tells that we all carry sin but have free will - except for inheriting the sin bit. He tells us that he loves us. Then he wipes most of us out with a flood. Somehow the kiwi and kangaroos survive. He gives us a set of rules and is quite happy to have a dreadful punishment for those who don't pull finger - eternal fire to live in. What a good sport!

Maybe I need to find out more about that elephant god? Maybe the Indians got it right? He certainly looks like a happier god. Happier than this one.

If it's my job to prove that there is no Christian god, do I also have to go around telling fortune tellers and seance people that they're talking shit and prove it to them?

Maybe I'll just ask one request of Robert.

Please leave a comment in which you prove, beyond doubt, that your god exists.

North Island Proofreading College.

 "Can you stop that burbling?" asked Peter.

"I'm saying the rosary." Robert replied. "I'll stop when the teacher arrives."

Peter and Robert were sitting in a classroom at North Island Proofreading College.

N.I.P.C.

Mr. Patrick entered the room and moved to the front. Peter could see that he looked quite a lot like his brother Father Patrick.

Mr. Patrick's brother.

Robert whispered to Peter, "Let's give thanks to God and Father Patrick that we have this chance to improve our blogs."

Peter just said a quiet, "Sheesh!" Then Mr. Patrick spoke.

"Hello and welcome to Proofreading 1. I see that there are only two of you, but you are the wise ones because you have faced your shortcoming. God bless you both."

Peter whispered, "Sheesh!"

"We have a saying in proofreading," continued Mr. Patrick, "when you have finished writing, the real work starts, critical reading. Okay, if you have someone else to read your work, you are lucky. Unfortunately, a lot of bloggers don't have that luxury. This means that you must take your creative hat off and put on your critical hat."

Peter fought hard to resist repeating his favourite exclamation for a third time. Robert just smiled with that silly look that Christians sometimes get. Mr. Patrick talked for another five minutes and then he handed his two students a sheet with writing on it.

"Okay, you are looking for fifteen mistakes. Some will be typos and others will be grammar mistakes. You have fifteen minutes."

This was a challenge for the 3P old boy, and he got onto the task quickly. Robert just smiled and seemed to be praying. Then a woman appeared in the room. She sat in a desk behind the two old men. The three men looked at her. She volunteered her name.

"I am Maria Goretti. I am here because I could hear someone praying." 

Robert quickly searched his head for the name Maria Goretti. After a short while the answer popped into his head.

"An Italian virgin martyr of the Catholic Church, and one of the youngest saints to be canonized. She was born to a farming family. Her father died when she was nine, and the family had to share a house with another family, the Serenelli family." 

She was stabbed fourteen times by Alessandro Serenelli because she wouldn't submit to his sexual intentions. She forgave him before she died. Now, here she was answering an elderly man's prayer.

Peter and Robert handed in their papers.

Mr. Patrick marked the two papers. Peter had fixed up some grammar but had missed all of the typos. Robert had a perfect score. 15/15!

"Grazie Santa Maria." said Robert. He must have still been getting help from Maria Goretti because he had not needed Google Translate. 

"Mea culpa." grumbled Peter. He felt he had let down the spirit of 3P today. 

This day belonged to Robert.

Maria Goretti smiled at Robert, acknowledged the other two men and was gone.  

Robert just smiled and said, "I love you Peter."

Mr. Patrick grinned, much like his brother does, and said, "Class dismissed."

What's it all about?

 Alfie?

I was out early this morning delivering my elderly neighbour's paper to her door. On my return home, I noticed a little pamphlet in my letterbox that immediately made me think of Alfie.

I looked through to see who it was from, but nobody was mentioned. Not the Mormons, the Baptists, the Catholics* nor the Presbyterians. No one laid claim to this little pamphlet. Maybe it came directly from God?

I had a bit of time to kill, before my early start at work, so I read it.

The pamphlet started off with a few quick questions and then an answer.

Why are we here?

What is the purpose of our existence?

Are we here simply to enjoy life, have a big house... etc. etc.?

Then it shot straight to the answer - no more mucking around.

Our purpose is to know God... etc.

Then it got straight onto a comparison between people (sinful) and God (perfect)

It then told us that God is love, but he is also holy, perfect and just.

Then we were told about the lake of fire that awaits us if we don't play the game.

It doesn't sound like love to me, more like power.

Then it goes on a bit longer.

It struck me that this was a pamphlet written by someone with a very low IQ that is intended for others with a very low IQ.

Well, for a start, it tells us nothing exciting or new and, secondly, it goes into absolutely nothing that might back up their case.

This is a very silly little pamphlet.

This is the silliest little pamphlet I've ever seen.

The Curmudgeon writes posts that are much better than this pamphlet. (mostly)

Robert has more amusing things in his posts.

There you have it.

Ciao tutti.

* The one true church? 

Ah well, it all comes out in the wash!

 

I was planning a long(er) post, but I had a lot of trouble with my computer - I've just got it going again.

Now my time is tight today.

[If I were TC, or one of his many identities, I'd put up a clip of 'Time is Tight. Ah, why not!]

TIME IS TIGHT

This is not the original, but it looks like fun.

Ciao tutti.

Sunday, the Lord's day.

 Throughout the land church shops will be doing a good trade because it's Sunday. The Lord's day.

It is extremely windy in Wellington today. Well, at least it's a bit warmer.

I was hoping to drive into Wellington to visit Unity books, to buy or order a certain Italian book I am after. I guess I'll have to keep a bit of an eye on the wind. There evidently is a wind warning out.

I won't be going to church this morning. It does mean another mortal sin, but what the hell!

The Wine Guy did a post yesterday about half bottles of wine.

I can honestly say that this is the most boring blog post I have ever read or tried to read.

He starts off quoting other posts he has written. If you can get through this part, and still be awake, you're amazing!

Robert told us that he went to confession yesterday. Maybe this was to confess that he'd tried to read this post but failed?

I know Father Patrick would have been smiling, but I bet he handed Robert a plenary indulgence. These things can only be handed out once a day, but I bet that Daddy Paddy wanted to give him two!

"Dammit! Robert really
deserves two plenary
indulgences!"

Well, it's time for me to get on with the day. Peter will probably already be busy moving his junk important computer stuff out of the office. The radio will be turned down too. He has probably had a ring from The Wine Guy seeking approval of his post. Peter probably had to lie and say something like, "I really enjoyed it! Interesting!" Maybe Peter deserves a plenary indulgence too? Though you probably have to go to confession to get them.

Ciao tutti.

Two crank calls.

 I received two crank calls this morning while talking to my Italian friend in Monteforte d'Alpone.

I took time out from my conversation to ring the number, after the second call.

It turned out to be this guy.

Well, bite my lip if it's not The Curmudgeon!

What's he up to?

Is he jealous of the number of comments some of my posts are getting?

Well, that was a low blow The Curmudgeon! Two, in fact.

I think it's time for the RBB Blog Police to call for an explanation.

Capitano Riccardo Testore
is on the job.

Man! We're doing well with comments!

 At the time of writing, 25 comments on our last post!

Peter is envious!

A very young Peter in 1966.

"This is just not what 3P trained us for!" he exclaimed.

These days Peter runs The Curmudgeon Ink that has a regular readership of two.

He tries to improve things by growing his hair long.

But the poor old fella just can't compete with the success that is Richard's Bass Bag.*

Ciao tutti.

* the original bass bagging site

15/9/23

 If today was in April, all the numbers would be 1 2 3 4 5!

Well, people do get excited about some dates, like 9/9/99.

Personally, I'm just stuck for something to write about.

I know, I could use that picture of Kevin.

Not a handsome man.

Peter never gets stuck for something to write about, that's probably why he has a readership on two.

Peter will be busy today because Lynn is due back soon. His next post will probably be about tidying up before Lynn goes, "Grrrrr!"

I've been home every day this week - no relieving and violin was cancelled because of exams.

I don't know why I wasn't needed for relieving. I used to be very busy, but now nothing.

Still, I have done a lot of Italian practice. 

Why does Peter never proofread his posts?

He's quick to chastise Robert when he uses something like Jinny and Ginny in the same sentence, then he uses a word like 'nly'.

Ah well, everyone to his own.

Here's a random picture.

One happy priest!

Here's another random picture.

Who remembers him?

Well, it's Different Time Zone Bill.

The last time that he posted was in 2017!

Well, that's it for today.

Ciao tutti.

TC is a bloody old moaner.

 

No, that's not TC, that's a spider, but we'll get to that later.

TC, the oldest blogger in our community (I think by twelve years), seems to spend half his time moaning about the frequency of my posting. I think that he forgets that, as a much younger man, I have quite a few tasks to fill my week (besides doing essential chores).

1. I teach violin one day per week and I am on call for relief teacher work on the other four days that schools are open. 
2. I practise and play the violin and it's possible that I could even get a gig one day.
3. I practise and play the double bass and I have a short (well, very short) solo gig coming up in just over a week.
4. I work on improving my Italian.

Parliamo dell'italiano.

After all these years (well over twenty) of working on my Italian, I am now going all out. My biggest problem seems to be listening. I'm also working from a grammar book that is pretty intense.

On these next few pages you might get an idea of the effort I am making.

As I said, listening and understanding spoken Italian is not a thing that I'm strong at?

Why?

I think there are a few reasons for this, and it certainly isn't my ability to hear.

• I panic and this takes my attention off simply listening like a child does.
• I'm too analytical. It's like playing music - you should be analytical when you're practising but NOT WHEN YOU'RE PERFORMING.
• I'm sure that my vocabulary could use more practice, though I do have a pretty big vocabulary - probably I just need more listening practice.

I've certainly begun working on that last point!

* * *

Okay, so why the spider?

While having a shower this morning I noticed, like I usually do, the spider who makes his home (he also works from home) up near the ceiling in the corner of our shower. He no doubt looks on the space as his home, and therefore his property, but what are his thoughts on the rest of the bathroom? Does he just think it's part of his environment or does he sometimes wonder how this space came into existence? Maybe he thinks that a god built it? How does he explain those big creatures who occasionally stand nearby and get wet? He'd have to have invented a back story to that.

Maybe spiders have written a bible? A spider bible. The Spible?

It would be logical for a spider to imagine 'god' as being like one of his own species.

Spenesis 1:1 In the beginning there was Spod. Spod said, "Let there be a cobweb." And there was a cobweb, but Spod needed something to hang His cobweb on. So Spod made trees and rectangular corners.

Spenesis 1:2 Spod was happy so, after a while, He rested on His web.

Spenesis 1:3 And then Spod really got to work making things. He made two spiders whom he called Spadam and Speve. He invented big creatures who could make things like bathrooms, and He instructed one to build the perfect bathroom. He named it The Bathroom of Speden and he put His two spider creations in it.

* * *

Okay, you all know what happens next, a fly comes along and tempts Speve with the forbidden daddy longlegs wing. The rest is history. Well, when I say 'history', only if you believe in the Spible.

Ciao tutti.

The cat sat on the mat.

He was comfortable, and totally unaware of any rhyme. As far as the cat was concerned, that was the end of the story. He was quite happy with where he had chosen to sit. I mean, as far as mats went, he'd sat on better ones. Haven't we all? He certainly wasn't running a mat grading system through his head. Truth be known, he wasn't really thinking of much at all.

The man who also lived in the house was named Tent Horn.

He wondered about lots of things but, funnily enough, never his own name.

Tent had started life as a Presbyterian but had converted to Catholicism in his late teens. For him the Catholic church had all the right answers. 

There were a few that he swore by (hey, that's just a popular phrase, he didn't really swear):

• The Bible is the inspired, error-free, and revealed word of God.
• Baptism, the rite of becoming a Christian, is necessary for salvation — whether the Baptism occurs by water, blood, or desire.
• God’s Ten Commandments provide a moral compass — an ethical standard to live by.
• The existence of the Holy Trinity — three people in one God.
• Mary, the mother of God, ascended into Heaven.

The cat on the mat showed no interest in any of these concepts.

The cat had once chewed on a bible that he found on a coffee table.

Tent had not been pleased and broke into some big words. See, big words were one of Trent's favourite things - he loved the word 'transubstantiation'! He also found that you could win arguments by using big words. This is probably why he automatically used them to growl at the cat. 

He wondered later if the cat had somehow been controlled by Satin. Maybe Satin had entered the cat? But then the cat would have probably talked in English, "God didn't write this book. A group of primitive men did and used ideas from their own time to set out many of the laws. That's why the book mentions slaves, among other things."

Sometimes Tent wished he'd never got a cat. He sometimes 'jokingly' called the cat Pagan. Maybe if he prayed, for Mary to bless the cat, everything would be okay?

The cat's actual name was Pius. He'd been named after a pope. It was a bit saddening that Pius showed no signs of being pious. Still, one could argue that Pius didn't seem to judge people. He just acted like a cat. Isn't that what cats are supposed to do? Unless, of course, they are possessed by Satan.

Throughout the writing of this post, the cat sat on the mat.

A kiwi on his way to the ark.

 

Mother Mary Today.

 

When reason is totally lost.

 When one leaves a comment on Robert the Devoted Catholic's blog, one is met with this comment.

"You are welcome to make comments. Please cite evidence for your claims."

Doesn't this sound like there is a scientific or logical requirement that your comment must have justification!

My last post queried how certain animals would get to Noah's Ark. The kiwi, for example. Hey, it's a long way from Aotearoa to the Middle East.

An actor playing Noah.

Robert the Devoted Catholic suggested that maybe the flood didn't cover the whole world. Then he stated, "If it did impact the entire world, animals in distant regions would likely have been miraculously transported to the ark."

How can anyone argue against this?

* * *

Kevin was proud to be a Catholic and he particularly liked discussing his faith with others, particularly those who didn't believe in the Christian god.

Kevin

Although the word 'faith' was a bit misleading, Kevin was confident that he could always use logic and his knowledge of science to prove his thoughts on his one true god. He also used his extensive knowledge of the bible which was, after all, the word of god. He knew that for a fact because he had prayed to god and god had told him so. He'd also read it in Catholic Answers.

Sometimes, while showing how good his logic was, Kevin found himself in a bit of a corner but he never panicked. He just turned to the miraculous things that his god could obviously do. Kevin never lost an argument.

When it came to his religion, Kevin was a bit of a smug bastard.

Noah's Ark.

 Okay, we all know the story of Noah's Ark.

Basically, God got pissed off with people, so His first thought was to wipe them all out and start again. Noah was a good man, so God decided to spare him, along with his wife, his three sons and their wives. Some other men were good too but, hey, he couldn't fit every Tom, Dick and Harry onto his planned method of escape. 

God told Noah to build an ark (to specifications in The Bible) and to gather up two of every living animal (he specified one of each sex, and no two gay animals) and put them on the ark. Earthworms were a bit of a problem because they are hermaphrodites. God chose to include them and overlook this small problem. *

He only took two of these in case a bird ate one
while they were lining up to get onto the boat.

Some of you might think that getting kangaroos, from that continent they would later call Australia, would be a huge problem. Let's not even mention Aotearoa! It seems it wasn't. Look closely at the picture below.

Bottom left hand corner.

I don't know how he did it, but Noah had kangaroos covered. 

Animals were made to promise that they wouldn't eat other animals on the boat. That talking donkey in The Bible was able to translate the request so that all animals understood. 

God also had to get back in touch with Satan and ask him to set up the Original Sin episode again when the flood had died down. Adam's three boys were renamed Adam 1, Adam 2 and Adam 3. Their wives took the names Eve 1, 2 and 3. It seems that God thinks of everything. Well, except the little worm muck up and getting two moa from Aotearoa.** I'm pretty sure that there were no moa on the ark. Well, they do look a little bit like ostriches.

Okay, okay, I hear you atheists. You're still worried about how kangaroos got there. You obviously haven't read your Bible thoroughly.

Check out John 426:33

"For God, apart from having to wipe out virtually everyone when there is a problem, nothing is impossible. He called animals from the ends of the Earth to the Middle East and they swam there.

Come on! Have a little faith!

* That he had really created for himself.

** This is why moa really became extinct.