Richard (of RBB) tries AI.

 Jesus was pissed. Peter, not the blogger but the apostle, checked on him and he just said, "Sheesh!"

"Jish taist goud!"

"Rook," said Jesus, "Eye have a new parabable. Sheessh, I shouldn't iv turned all that wata into whine!"

Peter suggested an early night, but there are no nights in Heaven.

Jesus continued, "There was a wedding an thei ran out of whine. okey dokey, there wer over people starving aslo. I decide to make mor whine. Wat the fuk!

Clenscin.

Okay, moving right along...

I'm working on a violin practice task that I've allowed 100 hours of practice to complete.

I won't tell you what it is, so that Rob doesn't give me advice. A task like this takes a lot of concentration and careful planning. Focus is the thing. I don't know how long it will take me to complete this task because I have a pretty busy schedule, but the focus has to come from my viewpoint. I guess it's a bit like The Curmudgeon building a wall on the back of his property, but maybe a little more complicated. 

I'll try to keep you all updated, let's call it Project Violin 100. 

I have completed the first two hours - only 98 to go!

It's pissing down here.

Off to bed now.

Ciao tutti.

Nailed it!

 Note: Robert is on church shop duty this morning (yes, in a suit and tie), so is unable to participate in this story.

Peter was pleased to be home. It was a long drive. He rested for a while and then got back to finishing off the basement.

Once that was finished, he poured himself an expensive wine and set about preparing dinner for himself. He decided to go with Red Rasmus on Casmas shoots with a topping of Belgium carrot. He had carefully researched this dish and had written out the recipe (but we won't bore you with that here). It had been quite a task to get the ingredients and he had to order them from overseas, through a site called Posh Fude. He didn't know why 'food' seemed to be spelt incorrectly but decided just to do what he needed to do to get the food.

Red Rasmus on Casmas shoots with a topping of Belgium carrot.

Posh Fude, in its advertising, claimed to deliver its delicacies to anywhere in the Southern Hemisphere but, as it turned out, Peter got a message to say that his 'fude' had been sent to Hamilton. It was a lucky thing that he was driving home from Moera when he got the message.

Peter was proud of his recipe, so he put it up on Neighbour Leigh - a site in Whangarei that was evidently run by a guy called Leigh. No one seemed to notice that, by failing to proofread what he had written, he had left out the second 's' in Casmas. I guess that Casmas shoots weren't a staple in the far north of little old New Zealand. Probably not in Moera either.

Peter decided to settle down with a second glass of expensive wine as he waited for his dinner to cook. He was excited that there might be a blog post in this meal. 

He became aware of a knocking noise outside. He listened carefully while he slurped his wine down faster than he knew he should. It sounded like someone using a hammer. There was a slight metallic sound that suggested a nail was at the end of the hammer swing. He decided to go outside and investigate.

Peter crept out quietly through his back door, taking time to admire his new mat that he had picked up on the way home (The Holey Spirit's mat was still in his car). The sound of a hammer was now very clear. He moved carefully around to the front of his house. Then he saw it!

An old guy, even older than Peter, was hammering a small sign onto the front of his house. It was a bit hard to read in the failing evening light. Then he recognised the hammerer. 

It was Mr. Nailer, his old teacher from 3P! But what was he doing!

Peter introduced himself and invited Mr. Nailer inside for a glass of slightly less expensive wine (a Cleanskin actually). Mr. Nailer explained that he had moved up north some years back and was involved in the Neighbour Leigh website. At Neighbour Leigh, he told Peter, they took proofreading very seriously and had a mission to guide people down the right path. Proofreading was their cause.

He told Peter that he had put up many such signs around Whangarei and it simply read, "Please proofread what you write!" Peter wasn't going to argue with Mr. Nailer. He apologised and said that he would edit his recipe on Neighbour Leigh. He asked Mr. Nailer not to mention the incident to Father Mick Can or Father Piss if he was still in contact with them. He then asked Mr. Nailer to join him for dinner and told him what he was cooking. Mr. Nailer turned down the offer and said that he would pick up some fish 'n chips on the way home. He complimented Peter on his choice of wine and asked him what it was. Peter lied.

That's the spirit!

 Peter started the long drive home. He passed familiar names - Tawa, Paekakariki, and then New Zealand's own Fox Town.

It was just after he had driven through Levin (a town that always reminded him of French wine - le vin) that he started to feel a warm sort of presence in the car. Slowly a male figure started to materialize in the front passenger seat. He had holes in his body everywhere - arms, chest, legs - everywhere, but Peter couldn't get his eyes off the guy's face.

The man spoke: I'm the Holey Spirit. God the Father sent me. He couldn't make it because he's busy watching the Olympics.

Peter: But why all the holes and piercings?

The Holey Spirit: Because I'm the Holey Spirit, the third member of the Blessed Trinity. I've brought you a mat. I've put it down by my feet, in the front.

Peter: But it's the back door that needs a mat!

The Holey Spirit: Well, now it looks like Richard might have been right about the mat being near the front door. 

Peter (getting grumpy): Look, why don't you go bother Robert. I don't need you OR your mat! Anyway, where were you when I wanted fancy gumboots?

The Holey Spirit: Well, God, that's the three of us, moves in mysterious ways. Anyway, Robert has just laid a lot of mats at his place. He really doesn't need any more. Check out his blog, there's a picture of them on there somewhere. 

Peter: Sheesh!

The Holey Spirit: Are you using the Lord's name in vain?

Peter: Look, I don't need your help. I'm very happy just to get my own mat and put it where I want it. BY THE BACK DOOR.

The Holey Spirit: You'd better repent for using the name of Jesus to express your anger.

Peter: Look, why don't you bugger off. I'll sort out my own problems. I'm quite happy on my own. I'll drop you at Bulls.

The Holey Spirit (mishearing the spelling): How did parts of your scrotum get into this conversation?

Peter: No, it's a town. B U L L S - like a bull, nothing to do with my cock.

The Holey Spirit: Oh. Well, I find you very ungrateful. Maybe it's better that I help the good folk at Bulls?

Peter (going for a joke of medium quality): That's laugh-a-bull!

The Holey Spirit didn't get the joke.

As they pass through Bulls, The Holey Spirit disappears from the front seat and Peter is pretty sure that he sees him outside The Bull Ring - the local pub. Peter muses that a guy full of holes might be a bit of an attraction in a dull little town like Bulls.

The mat had been left in the front of the car and Peter didn't want to touch it, just in case it was possessed or something. It turned out that Richard would be correct when he referred to a mat at the front door.

It's pretty hard to get one over Richard (of RBB)!

Friday.

 Mass was over and the two boys old men walked outside. Father Orange was outside striking up conversations with people as they came out of the church.

Father Orange: Hi Robert. Who's your friend?

Robert: This is Peter from Wangarei.

Father Orange: Don't you mean Whangarei? Hi Peter. It's always nice to meet northern Catholics. 

Peter: Hi Father, actually, I'm not...

Father Orange: Oh, you're from somewhere else? Okay lads, what's the plan for today?

Robert: I'm going to read up about Saint Therese of Lisieux. I've got her picture on my blog.

Father Orange (smirking to himself): Interesting, and how about you Peter?

Peter: I need to get home because I'm going to buy a mat for my front door. I have a blog too and I intend to write a detailed post about it.

Father Orange (with an obvious hint of sarcasm): Fascinating! Okay, lovely chatting lads, enjoy your day.

[Father Orange shuffled off to find a conversation with someone else. Anyone else.]

Peter: Here Rob, you can have these rosary beads back. I'd better get going. It's a long drive.

Robert: Why don't you just buy a mat here?

Peter: We have a shop that sells things that I really like. Their things are more expensive but are really good quality, like the boots I showed you on a blog post.

Robert: Well, let's just hope that it doesn't take as long to lay out that mat as it does to get your boots on and off. I'm off to pray to Saint Therese. Have a safe trip and may God and the Holy Spirit be with you.

Peter: There won't really be a lot of room for them in the car, once I pick up that mat. It comes in quite a big box.

Robert: Okay. I'll see you on the blogs.

Peter: Yep, you sure will. I hope you enjoy Mat 2. It'll be a more extended version of Mat 1.

Robert (trying to sound sincere): Great.

Thursday.

There is violin practice to be done.

Robert will have been up since 11pm, last night. 

Peter will be preparing to face his personal demons on the golf course.

Personal demons?

• The need to collect even more golf balls by climbing down cliffs into quick flowing rivers.
• The need to pass the people in front, as he speeds around the course.
• Looking for a fight in the clubroom.

He'd be better off joining Robert at 5am Mass. I mean, if Rob's getting up at 11pm, the night before, if Peter got up at about 7pm, the night before, he'd have plenty of time to drive down. He could help out in the church shop too.

Peter: I can't find the key for the condom machine Rob, I think it's nearly empty. Hey, I could have been playing golf a bit later today.

Robert: Hang on, I'll just find a place for these boxes. We haven't got too long before Mass starts.

Peter: Do many people come to 5am Mass on a Thursday?

Robert: We normally get a good crowd. Father Orange is saying Mass, and we have a band with violins, guitars and a bass. Richard would enjoy that!

"Mass."

Peter: Yes, he does go on about bloody violins.

Robert: And he posts that silly picture of a guy holding the violin back to front with a very bad bow hold. Did you bring some rosary beads?

Peter: No, but I've got a good bottle of California Chardonnay in the car. I put my golf clubs in too, just in case.

Robert: There are rosary beads for sale, look, just over here.

Peter: Look, I might pop out and have a look down by that creek near the church. I bet there is a pair or two that have been dropped down there.

Robert: Just take mine, I'll buy another pair. Hey, we'd better get a seat, it's almost five. Starting time. There are song books in the pews.

[They find a seat not far from the front. The band starts playing. Robert hands Peter a song book and begins to sing. Peter remembers how they used to mouth the words at St. Pat's and does that.]

Robert (singing): Oh Jesus, who saved us on the cross, to become our earthly boss...

[Peter is just mouthing, with a 'singing' expression on his face.]

Robert (whispers): Come on Peter, do it for Jesus, who died for us!

Peter (whispers): You wouldn't hear me over those bloody violins. Hey, isn't that bloke on the right playing his violin the wrong way around? And he's holding his bow funny!

[Robert runs his fingers over his rosary beads and thinks that he should have just left Peter to go to golf.]

Tuesday comes but once a week.

 Peter rolled over and let out some wind. Brrrrrp. It was okay because he was alone in bed, so no one would know, or smell. His plan was to get as much sleep as he could because today was tennis day and tennis days did not always go smoothly.

Rob was already on the job. It was his wife's birthday, but he still had work to do, and he'd been up before 5am. He had the day all planned out.

Richard was up and getting ready to face a day teaching violin. He planned to make today a day when he introduced as many students as possible to some of the four major scale fingerings - the less common ones. He'd thought about it quite a bit through the night. He hoped for a quiet morning from his bowel. So far it had been quieter than Peter's morning.

Hey, let's get this day underway.

Carrying on.

• m7b5 - using rising version of melodic minor from the third of the chord.
• Diminished scale and chord notes.
• Playing over the dominant 7th using the rising version of melodic minor from the fifth of the chord.
• Playing over the dominant 7th using the rising version of melodic minor from the b9 of the chord. This one can be used when you're going to chord I.
• Coltrane diminished lick: C  E  G  Eb  Eb  G  Bb  Gb etc.
• Whole tone scale (aug).
• Blues scale.
• Chords and double stops and octaves.
• 3 - 7 chords.

There you have it. I've given away my secret practice. I just try to do about 2 or 3 each day. Also, when you're improvising, don't forget the power of the chromatic scale. 

Remember to warm up with long notes and play simple scales to check your intonation. Also, for my major, dorian minor and dominant 7th scales, I practise each scale starting on each finger. I think it is important to master the four possible fingerings.

I hope that helps your violin playing. I bet the violinists who play at Rob's church will already know all this stuff, because God would have told them. It's probably mentioned in The Bible somewhere.

Better go now. I might need the toilet again.

Ciao.

Richard woke late.

 It was Sunday and he was going to be late for Mass!

He wasn't sure where he'd left his scapular and his rosary beads.

Then he remembered that he hadn't attended Mass for many decades.

He smiled.

Sort of like Robert does.

It was really more like a laugh of relief.

Then he went to the toilet.

There would be more time for violin practice today.

He'd made a list of twelve things that he liked to practise regularly.

• Major scales and arpeggios.
• Dorian minor scales and arpeggios.
• Dominant 7th. scales and arpeggios.
• Oops, he suddenly knew that he needed the toilet again... His practice plan would have to wait for another time.

Bye.

Grandma is important!

 

Oops, sorry, I meant 'grammar'.

Proofreading is important too.

In his latest post Rob tells us, "He took my weight and blood pressure and height and waste measurements to boot." 

Okay, I'm still trying to get out of my mind the image of a guy, who came to Rob's door, measuring pieces of his shit. Please be more careful with your proofreading next time Rob!

Okay, moving right along.

I see that Peter has a new series. This 'puerile piece of offensive nonsense' is called IMAGINARY SCENARIOS - NUMBER ONE. The second part of the title warns tells us to expect more. He was evidently inspired by a report of some faulty bull semen. I don't know where he reads these things. Anyway, this new series will give me something to read while I have my morning coffee.

Okay, here's something to cheer Rob and Peter up, after that 'puerile piece of offensive nonsense'.

1) What's this all about?

2) Can you find one of our bloggers?

3) Who are these people?

Have a fun Saturday and go the All Blacks!

Ciao tutti.

Playing with my favourite pianist.

 Daryl Prowse - la maestra.

https://youtu.be/Q2PxWTdp018

Peter was naked, completely stark naked.

 Hey, it's okay because he had just been born (we're talking 1952 here) and it would be a very, very long time before he would need to be naked again - except for baths.

His early years would be spent learning to walk 
and speak a bit. He soon graduated to riding a bike
and growing a mohawk.

There was no doubt about it, Peter was a bright boy, and this was proven when he was invited into 3P at St. Patrick's College (town) in 1966.

He excelled did well in most of his subjects, though Father Bliss, one of his favourite teachers, did write on his mid-term report, "Peter is doing very well in most of his subjects, but his inability to proofread what he writes is letting him down a bit. I've also noticed that, in his work as a sacristan, he is getting through an awful lot of communion hosts."

The truth is that Peter was making quite a fortune on the side. It is surprising that he seemed to be failing to find a girlfriend, especially since he had been receiving expert help from another student in 3P whose name was Tony Clear.

Tony had informed him that girls preferred a guy who was pissed and Tony taught him how to preload on Bacardi.

Peter, at this stage and for much longer, only needed to be naked when he was taking a bath.

At university he made friends with a guy, named Richard, who was a bass player and who was to become a very successful blogger.

Richard went on to become a very successful musician a guy who got to play a few free gigs on his double bass. He also played one or two free gigs on his violin.

He learnt to keep his performances short.

Peter started a blog and named it The Curmudgeon.

Unfortunately, his proofreading and grammar let him down, so he started about 4,000 other blogs. Most of them fizzled out because readers couldn't cope with the grammar.

Fast forward to the present day and he is taking lessons from Richard (of RBB) on how to write blog posts.

When asked for a comment, Peter said, "Hay, thinks are going reely well. I think I'm on a role."

At the time of writing he was sitting on a toilet roll.

Still practising.

 No gigs, but still practising.

A thought for Sunday.

RBB 2 times 4 and 6. Three instruments at his disposal.

Richard summoned the twelve major scales and practised them one by one
and gave them authority to be in tune.
He instructed his bow to take some rosin
on the stick - arpeggios were practised too with
clean hands, greasy fish n chips were a no, no.
Any shoes were okay
but not too much clothing.

He said to himself,
“Wherever you enter a gig, don't outstay your welcome.
Whatever place does not welcome you or listen to you,
accept that. Some people just don't like jazz,
so take it on the chin.”
So he went off to do a gig.
The twelve tonalities gave much variety,
and some people felt better after hearing him.

I'm back.

 I'm back from visiting Whanganui and New Plymouth, with other places, like Foxton, along the way.

'New Zealand's own fox town.'

Whanganui has quite a few tall things.

I took a selfie that gives a scenic view of the place.

New Plymouth has a mountain that's taller than Mount Victoria.

Taller than Mount Victoria.

But they haven't got a Courtenay Place or a bucket fountain.

I drove back to Nuova Lazio yesterday. Gosh, people drive fast. There are big jeep things everywhere that don't know about speed limits. There is always one coming up behind you. Trucks don't seem to know what their speed limit is. It feels to me like a battle ground where nobody understands physics. 

Robert has probably buggered off to church about now and there is only a small chance that Peter is out of his fart sack. My job today will be to get some music practice done. You can't use AI to practise a musical instrument. I wonder if Rob has tried that? I see that he's no longer calling himself Carey on his blog. Peter is still The Curmudgeon though. The boys will be pleased to see me back to tidy up the blogging community. I think it'll take a little while to get things back to normal.

Ciao tutti.

It's like leaving two children in charge.

 I'm going to be away for four or five days, which means that these two will be running the blogging show around here.

Holy Shit!

We know that everything Robert says will be nice because he writes in AI, so don't trust what you read. It's all about him getting into Heaven, I believe.

Peter, on the other hand, can't handle corrections in spelling of Maori place names. This may drift over into his English. So, if you're commenting on his blog, best to write something like this, if you want him to understand, "I here Richard is hedding up cuntry, as far as Knew Plimoff."

Good luck, blog readers. 

You're going to need it.

Double Bass Richard has his say.

 

"Thanks for the pizza last night, Violin Richard. You're becoming a bit of a Peter! I see Robert wrote a post about us, pity about the grammar in the heading. (The three Richard's.) That's a possessive apostrophe Mr. Carey. The post was a bit overly nice, like Rob was trying to use it to help him get into Heaven. Hey, and what is this Carey thing? Never mind, I think I can work it out.

So, I hear that Violin Richard is off to Whanganui tomorrow. It's good to hear that he will be taking his violin. I've told him to work carefully on Mr. G.P. and Se Solo because it'd be good for us to have a trio rehearsal on those two tunes soon. Violin Richard will be able to eat out in Whanganui, so he won't need to worry about TC's cooking posts. He says that he and his wife might shoot up to New Plymouth, if they've got the energy. They have restaurants there too, so please relax TC. Maybe you can do another shed post?

Okay, sorry TC, I was joking about the shed post. I'm sorry too that I can't think of a good topic for you at the moment. Rugby? No, Carey doesn't like that. "Grown men throwing a ball about." Not bagpipes, please. You've covered stealing hosts. Fighting at tennis? Yep, that's done too. What about winter storms up north?

Oh yes, that topic's done too.

Ah well, just have a quiet time while Violin Richard is away.

Okay. Ciao for now."

Violin Richard cooks for the trio.

 

"Hi everyone, I'm Violin Richard and I'm looking forward to working with Double Bass Richard and Guitarist Richard to get nine of our compositions recorded. To create a bit of unity in the band I've decided to cook dinner for the other two boys. I decided to go with my own special pizzas.

The one on the left is a bit less spicy
and is designed especially for Guitarist
Richard. I hope he likes it.

Here's my recipe:

Thin pizza base (cauliflower for Guitarist Richard and stone bake for Double Bass Richard).
Woolworths tomato relish.
Grated Mozzarella cheese - again from Woolworths.
None of us really go for smoked salmon, so I used ham from the deli.
Cream cheese.
Red onion.
Capers - that's the caper!
No more Mozzarella cheese, don't want to overdo it.
I added to Double Bass Richard's:

Pesto.
Fetta.
I don't know what dill is, so I didn't use it.

The pizza for Guitarist Richard

The pizza for Double Bass Richard.
Unfortunately, it's a bit overcooked.

I think I'll just have a tin of Spaghetti on toast, washed down with a Cleanskin, but I hope the boys enjoy their pizzas. They can get their own wine.

Well, I'd better go and do some practice on Mr. G.P. I hear that the boys are working on that one."

Guitarist Richard of PWM talks about the trio.

 

Richard (of RBB): This morning we're very pleased to be able to chat to one of the members of the trio 'Playing With Myself' who are about to make a bit of a splash in the Wellington Jazz Scene. No pun intended. The trio consists of violin, guitar and double bass and they have the immediate intention of recording nine of their original tunes. Welcome Guitarist Richard, how are things going so far?

Guitarist Richard of PWM: Hi Richard (of RBB) and thank you for inviting me onto your blog for a chat. I'm a regular reader. Yes, the band seems to be settling in and we're focusing on three tunes at a time. Today's job is to work on the changes to Mr. G.P. I'm probably the least experienced of the three of us, but I've made it clear that I'm not just here to play the chords.

Richard (of RBB): Yes, I know that you've probably played less gigs than the other two. Does this come up much in conversation?

Guitarist Richard of PWM: Well, to be honest, no. Not really. Violinist Richard goes on a bit about violin strings and his approach to scales. I guess that Double Bass Richard is a bit possessed with always wanting to play the tune. I can appreciate that these tunes were originally written as bass tunes, but he needs to move with the times a bit. They both record their practice hours, but I don't. Maybe us guitarists are a bit more relaxed? I just want them both to understand that I am a full member of this trio and I intend to hold my weight. The more variety, the better. Anyway, I have been playing a long time.

Richard (of RBB): Does violin Richard see himself as the leader? I mean, the violin is quite a 'melody' instrument.

Guitarist Richard of PWM: No. Double Bass Richard is definitely in charge. I guess he's the one who has worked more on all of the tunes. I'm happy with that, it's just that I don't want to hear any more about violin strings. If he mentions scale fingerings again, I'm going to suggest that he puts a capo on his bloody violin. 

Richard (of RBB): Okay, I think I'm getting a vibe here. Maybe Violin Richard just needs to step back a bit?

Guitarist Richard of PWM: Yes, and preferably back into a big hole. Okay, okay, I know we've got to work together, and there is a lot of work to be done. Mr. G.P. has some quite interesting chords and we are all aware that we need to play nice lines over them when it's solo time. People will want to hear variety between the three of us. This is something we'll have to watch.

Richard (of RBB): Well, thanks Guitarist Richard, that's given us quite an insite into the group. One last thing, how do you feel about the name - Playing With Myself?

Guitarist Richard of PWM: Well, music playing is about playing. It sort of suggests unity withing the group, something that I hope Violin Richard is aware of. I've been busy practising since the group's formation and haven't had time to really research the name. I think it works and we should all place our hands on it.

Richard (of RBB): Well thanks, Guitarist Richard, and good luck for the upcoming recording.

Guitarist Richard of PWM: Thanks.

Coming in the not too distant future...

 PLAYING WITH MYSELF!

It's time to get some of my tunes recorded* and the person to get the job done is me.

I've singled out nine of my tunes...

• ALMOST BLUES - a fourteen bar blues with a bass riff tune.
• GYPSY FEET - a gypsy jazz style tune with an opening octave riff.
• MR. G.P. - a bossa tune I wrote for my son quite a few years back (1998).
• MY GENTLE GIANT - a gentle tune that I wrote about my double bass.
• NEFANIE - a tune I wrote for my daughter. (again 1998)
• SE SOLO - a bossa.
• SWING IN, SWING OUT - a swing tune with an octave tune.
• THE ACCORDION LADY - a tune I wrote for an old lady I saw busking years ago.
• THINGS AREN'T WHAT THEY SEEM - a 3/4 tune with a double bass tune.

Okay, It'll probably take me a few months (if not longer), but I'm getting organized.

"Playing With Myself" is a very important project for me and I don't really care if no one else likes my stuff. 

Let's get the show on the road!

I'm going to have a lot of fun with "Playing With Myself".

Ciao tutti.

* for whatever reason

The original bass bagging site.

This is just a fill in post. Really to just introduce a bit of sanity around the blogs.

If that is really possible.

I'm off to a relieving job today, I've been relief teaching for three weeks at a Lower Hutt school. Lower Hutt is situated just south of Upper Hutt. I wonder who thought up those names? Anyway, it's interesting to see how violin teaching is done in another school. It's basically done the same way. Well, it's not lawnmower maintenance!

Hey, if this is a 'proper' post, we need a picture or two!

That's my grandmother. She was evidently born in Scotland but was Irish. Evidently that happened quite a bit near the border of the two countries. I only know what I've been told. My son did a DNA test a little while back. Evidently, I'm over 50% Irish and about a quarter Scottish. Oh well, that filled up a bit of space for this post.

This guy's hairdo is sort of upside down. His moustache should really be above his nose to make his look really authentic.

Well, that's it from me for today.

Ciao tutti.