I'm famous!

 See HERE.

I'm not aware of any songs about Robert or Peter. Oh yes, 'Peter Pumpkin Eater'.

But ------->

I'm famous!

I won't write anymore - I don't get enough comments these days to warrant it.

Have fun boys, but...

 

I slept in this morning, until nearly 6.40am! I woke to find that, at least in Feilding, I'm a male Karen. Well, it's best to know these things. At least, unlike Ben Sunny, I'm not known for my wind problems.

It is good to see TC being so kind to Ben by celebrating his
success with his wind problems. Don't forget though, TC,
capitals for proper names.

I'll get into some violin practice soon. I have an ex-student (now in his twenties) who wants to play the Bach double violin concerto and he has asked me to play the second violin part. This is not for a concert, he just wants to be able to play it. So he's coming around next weekend. I thought I'd better do some practice on it. This takes me away from what I want to practise (obviously the habits will still get done), but there is probably some benefit in doing it. Anyway, I have nothing else on my performance calendar.

You know what? I think I might have a second coffee this morning! I can, because I am a Richard! Back in a tick. -->

Back.

I don't think I have anything else to tell you but, because I'm a Richard, I'll go on a bit longer.

I saw my grandsons yesterday. Shelley came too and it was especially nice to have Aunty Steph there. Harrison was very pleased to see us all. Henry was a bit rude and slept through our visit. Well, to be fair, he is only coming up to three weeks old. Both boys are doing well, though Harrison is showing signs of going through the 'terrible twos'. He's a lovely little chap and is very at home with his aunty and his grandparents. It is fun and interesting watching him develop. His grammar is already as good as Robert's and Peter's - we're watching him carefully to make sure that he shows improvement and is careful to proofread.

Okay, that's it for this morning.

Ciao tutti.

Domenica.

 Mio? Up

Caffè? Made and drinking.

Riscaldatore? On.

Bagno? Will visit soon.

Gosh, what can I tell you about today?

Devo usare prima il bagno? Shortly.

I only did half an hour's practice on the violin yesterday. I'll get more done this morning. Got to keep those Atomic Habits up. 

Hold on a sec.

---------------->

Just back! Nel caso in cui fossi preoccupato, la corsa al bagno è andata a buon fine.

Okay, what was I going to tell you about?

Hey, it's nearly 6 o'clock! I'd better get writing.

Yesterday's gig went well, but some of my newer 'habits' still need work. I'll push on with them today. The older 'habits' worked out fine. In my mind, the most important things are tone and intonation but, as Rob says, expression is very important too. The other things are just icing on the cake.

I mean, who is going to know what you didn't use? One has a choice to be going forward or backwards, that's where thoughtful practice comes in. 

I just had a thought. Would The Curmudgeon be interested in talking about music practice?

"I'll bite my lip if 
I'm not!"

Let's find out.

Richard (of RBB): Hi, The Curmudgeon, do you mind if I call you Peter?

The Curmudgeon: Well, that is my name. Do you mind if I call you Dick?

Richard (of RBB): I can live with that. I was just writing some stuff about violin practice. Does this topic interest you?

The Curmudgeon: No. Sheesh! I'd rather even read about you using il bagno! Look, I'm a bit too busy for this, this morning. Why don't you interview Rob?

Richard (of RBB): Rob is probably getting ready for his first mass of the day. He's probably performing other duties at church too. Look, I won't keep you long.

The Curmudgeon: But I am not long! I just want to make my breakfast. I've made the coffee, not stuff from a packet, like you drink. I'm going to make an Indonesian dish for breakfast. The old girl doesn't like it, so I can't have it while she is home. It's called 'bubur ayam'. It's a type of porridge and very comforting. So, can we make this quick?

Richard (of RBB): Okay. Do you like reading about my practice?

The Curmudgeon: No.

Richard (of RBB): Okay, go and make your breakfast. Bye.

* * *

Well, that was a waste of time. I'll get Rob in next time.

It is still dark outside. It seems to get a bit lighter at about 6.45am. I don't like to practise my violin until closer to 8 as I don't want to wake the neighbours. Though, they ARE lucky that I don't practise the bagpipes! I won't be practising the trumpet again until October. I need to be prepared for Armistice Day, which is on November 11th. "The eleventh hour, on the eleventh day or the eleventh month." Normally the 'big shots' don't show up for this event. Though there used to be an RSA presence. I sort of take command now, and there are normally about five of us. I'm not mad about events like this, it's just that I've showed up for at least eleven years. That's a bit like an Atomic Habit.

Time to go and sort out breakfast. I promise you it won't be bubur ayam, but toast will be involved.

Ciao tutti.

Gig today.

 With Daryl.

The 'Comic' sign above me is just a coincidence.
Although it is an accurate description.

And a very short video.

Ciao tutti.

Today's office.

 + The Gospel for today.

I have a German friend who always puts up a picture of his bass in the place he is playing on that particular day with the caption, "Today's office."

Okay, this morning I'm playing at the Mervyn Kemp library in Tawa. No big deal at all. It's a 30 minute gig and will probably feel like it is over before we (Daryl and I) start. Considering that I did 7 hours of practice over the last two days, the gig will certainly feel very short!

Enough about that. At the time of writing, all the comments on my last post are from me. I think I've been writing this blog since 2007. Two other bloggers followed suit a bit later, but I was the first. The Christ of this blogging community.

Richard (of RBB)

I guess it's fair to say that I am the way, the truth and the light.

I even have a saint that I appear to - Saint Maria Antalek.

St. Maria lived to a ripe old age, once she became a witch. She escaped the evil clutches of Cardinal (later Bishop) Almassy. You'd know all this if you had read my last post. 

Okay, moving right along.

It is probably fair to say that I did 7 hours of violin practice in the last two days to save you all from suffering for eternity. Hey, do you really think I needed to practise 7 hours to play in a silly little suburban library? Hey, by using logic (AND practising my violin), I got rid of Hell for you! Forget Rob's silly saints, divine redemption is right here, in front of you, at Richard's Bass Bag.*

The path to RBB.

Now that I've got your attention.

The rain has stopped here. I commanded it to. It seems that the road out of the Nui is back in action too. This will be my first time out of 'the valley' in three days. That's a bit like rising from the dead. I wonder if a holy book will get written about me? If this is to be, I'd like it to be called The Mible.

Peter 1:1 In the beginning there was darkness. Richard went to the kitchen light switch and said, "Let there be light." And there was light. Then Richard said, "Let the heater by the computer be turned on." And it was turned on. Then Richard said, "I will write a gospel."

In the beginning, the boys were lost. Maybe they just had too much spare time and didn't know how to fill it? Rob was using church as a place to hang out. He even scored a job in the church shop. This is where he became interested in rosary beads. Peter had joined both a tennis and a golf club. He remembered his successful days as a sacristan and decided that he would now collect golf balls. Unfortunately, he kept slipping down a bank where he suspected lost golf balls would be. He was also being picked on at tennis. These two boys needed to be saved. Their salvation came with Richard's Bass Bag.* Both boys saw the light and set up blogs. 

That's it for now.

Ciao tutti.

* the original bass bagging site

So, how's the practice going today, Richard (of RBB)?

 

1 1/2 hours done, so still potentially 2 1/2 to go.

It's cold in the Nui. Cold and very wet.

I'm feeling a bit lazy, so I thought I'd knock out a quick post. 

I'm looking for something to write about.

Here's something that Rob said. "One thing I noticed with tempering is that as violinists or a cellist our ears get finally (I think he meant 'finely)." tuned but when we play with a tempered piano or guitar we effectively have to play slightly out of tune."

I have never found this. Hey, we've all played tempered music all of our lives. We lock into those sounds. We're not really aware of how things sounded before tempering took over. I'm not aware of Rob playing out of tune, but it shouldn't be hard to hear your notes against a piano. Oh, well. Never mind.

* * *

Today is the feast day of Saint Maria Antalek. 

Saint Maria was born around 1490, in Hungaria, and came from a very poor family. She got a job cleaning and cooking for a local Cardinal, Cardinal Adelburt Almassy. Cardinal Almassy had dreams of being a pope. He thought his chances might be helped if his cleaning lady, and cook, became a martyr and then possibly a saint. He thought of this as success by association. "Hey, that's Cardinal Almassy! His home help became a saint!"

The 'good' Cardinal had heard that women gathering herbs and spices were deemed to be witches and put to death in a very slow and painful way. One day he approached Maria and told her that some of her cooking was a bit tasteless and he'd like her to gather some herbs and spices from a nearby forest. He said she would get extra pay for doing this. 

Maria knew nothing about herbs and spices, so she tasted everything that she found in the forest. About twenty minutes later a glowing lady appeared before her.

"I am the Virgin Mary." she said. "See those men in the distance? They are looking for you, but God doesn't mind because he wants you with him in Heaven."

"Why are they looking for me?" asked Maria.

"The Cardinal organized them so that you could get to Heaven quicker." said Mary.

"Bassa meg!*" said Maria. "I don't want to go to Heaven. I've just discovered some herbs that taste very nice and I think they're giving me superpowers! Bring 'em on!"

The Virgin Mary disappeared, just as three men came into the clearing where Maria was. The three men were never heard of again. Maria did not return to the Cardinal but, instead, created a little house in the forest. She made a broomstick out of a branch and some straw. She was happy and ready for her new life. She planted a huge herb garden to grow her favourite findings.

Cardinal Almassy couldn't figure out what had happened when Maria never showed up, so he invented a story about her being pronounced a saint by God and taken up into Heaven. All the local Catholics were very gullible and believed the story. Maria was pronounced a saint but Adelburt never became a pope. In fact, because he screwed up a few things that he was supposed to do, he was demoted to the rank of Bishop. He was never mentioned in any of the holy books of the Catholic church.

* * *

See, when I write a post you get variation. When Peter writes a post, you get something like THIS.

When Rob writes a post, he quotes the Gospel. Yawn.

But, when you come here, you get variety, AND info about practising the violin!

Talking about practising the violin, I'd better get back to it.

Ciao tutti.

* Fuck that!

You reap what you sow.

 It is very, very wet in Wainuiomata, it has been raining very heavily all night. It looks like today might be another day when four hours of violin practice is possible. There's a slip on the hill road and they say to expect delays. I think I'll be staying in the Nui for a second day.

I got two comments on my last post that declares my four hours of practice (in one day). Thanks guys.

"Your expression must be really good now." says Rob. Was it not before?

Well Rob, it depends on what you practise. As I said, concentrated practice is the key. You can't be watching the clock all the time. Obviously, I always try to play with expression. For me practising expression would come at a point when you have worked on things that you need to improve your playing. If available, I would put on a backing track (this normally happens for me when working on my repertoire) and play a piece from my repertoire. Otherwise, I'd use a metronome. It would be like an imaginary performance and I would be listening for the things that make the piece come alive. 

Joseph says, "That's not too bad, but there are too many
notes." Mary says, "Well, it's better than listening to the
Rosary all bloody day!" Jesus says, "Dad, I don't want
to be nailed to a cross!" Joseph says, "I'm not
your real dad. Harden up."

The music I prefer to play is Jazz. That's what my practice was based around yesterday. I obviously practise the tunes but I put a lot of work into my improvised solos. Yes, I want them to have expression and I want them to have interesting note choices. There are 12 notes in our tempered music system. It is certainly possible to use any of these notes over a dominant 7th. chord. It is possible to use many of them over other chords as well. Thoughtful improvisation requires a lot of practice. You watch someone who hasn't really thought about the possibilities of improvisation and they use 'harmonic approximation'. This is where you take the scale that the key is in and move around looking for the best notes (or notes that sound 'right'). 

Tempered music is an interesting topic. The idea was put together in Europe sometime around 1750. In this system all 12 notes are evenly spaced. The guitar and the piano are good examples of tempered instruments. The violin is not a tempered instrument, you can put your fingers wherever you want, but it'll sound weird if you're playing with a guitar or a piano. So, violinists, and cellists (to name two instruments), have to play the tempered notes. You'll sound out of tune if you don't.

Most cultures have adopted tempering, though not all. If you see a culture using a guitar or a piano, they have been heavily influenced by what happened in Europe all those years ago. Maori music is a good example of this, as are us kiwis who play Jazz. Obviously. anyone who plays western Classical music is in the same boat. Pop and Rock are with us too. Don't get me wrong, I'm certainly not criticizing cultures who borrow stuff from other cultures. I think it is wise to use what is good and works for you. We are all growing in our artistic pursuits. Go for it, I say.

Well, it's pissing down outside and I have to put some bins down by the road. I'm going to get wet! I'd better go and find some old clothes to wear. If the rubbish trucks come today, it could easily be soon after 7am.

Ciao tutti.

What did you achieve today, Richard (of RBB)?

 I did FOUR REAL QUALITY hours of violin practice.

4 quality hours - no mucking around or filling in time.

Towards the latter stages I could really feel it starting to pay off.

This is the way that you get really good!

Unfortunately, I have commitments and can't do it every day, but twice or three times a week would be great!

I honestly think that today is the longest and best I've ever practised!

There you go.

Ciao tutti.

The best joke I've seen in a while!*

 

Okay, back to my practice.

Ciao tutti.

* Peter, don't use this joke when you're in the Nui!

Two hours of violin practice done.

 I made our local paper this week.

"Richard Prouse (spelling!) playing the last post. The Parade Marshal
Richard Nixon (left) is saluting."

I like the way the newspaper has to explain which person is which. Normally the trumpet would give it all away. I'm now famous, but not as famous as Pope Donald I.

Robert sent me a nice video of him playing the tune from Witches' Dance by Paganini.

I hope he doesn't mind me posting it here.

AND he's playing the violin back to front!

Actually, he makes a very nice job of it AND he looks like he's enjoying himself - a good thing when you are performing.

Well done, Rob.

It is stormy in Wellington and people are being told to stay home. I don't think it's as bad in the Nui, but we are warned that there could be further power cuts.

I'm sort of stuck at home today, so I thought that I might practise the violin for four hours. I'm halfway there, so I'd better get back to it.

Ciao tutti.

When the lights go on again all over the world

And the boys are home again all over the world
And rain or snow is all that may fall from the skies above
A kiss won't mean "goodbye" but "Hello to love".

The lights are back on in the Nui!

Unfortunately, it's getting into practice time.

So, this post will have to be quick.

As I've already told you, it is wet and windy in these parts - an ideal day for lots of violin practice. I certainly won't be going out walking or cutting the lawns. 

I'll start my violin practice with my three habits.

• A warm up. Long bows, intonation, vibrato and playing around the range of the instrument.
• Major and minor double stops, and three note chords, around the instrument.
• 3rd / 5th chords mainly over II, V7 and I chords; but including some others too.

Then it'll be onto the pieces that I am working on.

I don't know if practice makes 'perfect', but it certainly makes 'better'.

That's it. You were lucky to get this short post.

Ciao tutti.

Something interesting for a Wednesday morning.

Good morning. I woke up at 5am again. I flicked through my phone before I got up, as you do, and read this on a blog.

John 3:16-27 God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten Son,
so that everyone who believes in him might not perish but might have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but that the world might be saved through him.
Whoever believes in him will not be condemned, but whoever does not believe has already been condemned, because he has not believed in the name of the only begotten Son of God.

Begotten? I thought that this god was three entities who have always been there, wherever 'there' is. I looked for a definition of 'begotten'.

Begotten: To generate or produce offspring through procreation. Begotten is the past participle of the verb 'beget', which means to generate or produce offspring through procreation. It refers to something that has been brought into existence by a parent.

There is no mention of a Mrs. God anywhere that I can find. I hope that God the Father didn't bonk that bird! Actually, that's unlikely because, as I understand it, the three entities have been around forever. All three of them.

The story goes that God the Father got a lady called Mary pregnant without actually performing the routine that usually happens. It is called an immaculate conception - well, they do say that this god CAN do anything. Suddenly, after this god has been around for eternity, one part of 'him' becomes 'the son'. Suddenly 1/3 of 'him' is a dad. Okay, one could argue that the son was brought into existence by his parent Mary. But God the Son was evidently around for an eternity before this happened. 

Sounds like a story of convenience to me. If you don't believe this weird story, you're in trouble. I'd like to talk to this John guy.

If this was TC's blog, there would now be a discussion between him and John.

The Curmudgeon: Hi John. I hope you don't mind me calling you John. I don't know your surname. Call me TC.

John: No, that's fine, TC. How can I help you?

The Curmudgeon: Well, the question is, when did God the Son become God the Son? Was it when God the Father plonked him in Mary's tummy?

John: You are too tangled up with terminology. It's the end result of the story that matters. Those who choose not to believe are going to Hell for eternity.

The Curmudgeon: But you can't just make up a story to support that!

John: Well, I got chosen to write in the Bible. I've searched the book and haven't come across your name as a co-author.

The Curmudgeon: Parli merda! I learnt that from another blogger around here.

John: I'm guessing that's Italian. Us bible guys used different languages.

The Curmudgeon: Perhaps a lot was lost in translation?

John: I wasn't in on that part. I just wrote what God told me to write.

The Curmudgeon: How did he tell you?

John: God works in mysterious ways.

The Curmudgeon: Okay, okay, I don't need this shit so early in the morning. This is not even my blog! I'm going back to sleep. Let Richard write his own bloody blog!

John: Okay. Nice to chat.

* * *

That's it for this morning.

Ciao tutti.

It's just after 5 and I'm up.

 I just read TC's latest post. It sounds like he is bored out of his tree.

Keep your pants on TC!

He's evidently watching old films in French. Ah well, that's what happens way up north. He's probably sleeping now but I thought a post from the bass bag might cheer him up.

It's good having Rick Tim Bagno around because you can't rely on comments from people like Robert, and I'm sure that Peter will sleep until about 9am.

Henry, my grandson, is two weeks old today. He is still not really up to watching films in French. I might be looking after the boys on Wednesday afternoon. It all depends on me passing a fitness test with the parents - I've had a bit of a cold and that's not good if you're around a newborn child. I'm off to work today and Wednesday morning, so no time for French films. I've got my big little gig on Saturday morning, where I certainly won't be playing any Led Zeppelin or singing in French. 

Sorry boys but you won't be needed on this gig.

Hey, I'm glad that I'm a Jazz musician. I'll always remember the first time I really listened to Jazz and listened carefully to a walking bass line. Special! I guess I was a Classical musician before that. I also remember hearing a very young Rodger Fox and his band playing at Victoria University - they were obviously having fun! Classical musicians can spend their playing lives playing other people's music. In Jazz, improvisation gives you a lot of room to express yourself, even if you're playing someone else's tune. That's what I love to do. Jazz musicians also love to 'play out'. This is not about playing outside, it's about seeing how far you can push the harmonies and then bring them back. Now, that's more fun than sightreading a cello concerto or playing Bach's double violin concerto for the 400th. time. Hey, don't get me wrong, those Classical pieces are great music, but you are spending all your time playing other people's note choices. Robert will probably write a comment now because he'll disagree with that.

Well, there you go.

Have fun boys but don't get too hung up on French language films.

Ciao tutti.

I woke in the middle of the night and for over an hour I couldn't sleep.

No problem.

I thought about playing over dominant 7th. chords.

Often, in Jazz, a dominant 7th. chord will come after a minor 7th. chord and often is followed by a major 7th. chord. These are called II - V7 and II - V7 - I progressions. There are a few variations, like the like the m7b5 - dom7b9. This normally resolves on a Im+7 or a Im6.

The V7 chord is a great place to create tension - usually done by adding notes that are not in the dom7 scale. There's a little trick where you can play the ascending form of the melodic minor scale starting on the 5th of the dom7, or the minor second. The first adds a #4 and the 2nd adds a lot of 'out' notes. Both scales also get you away from starting on the root.

When you think about it, the first melodic minor scale is just adding that wonderful #4 note, but the second is giving you a whole new scale - the Diminished Whole Tone Scale. 

Starting on C = C Db D# E F# G# A#(Bb) C. The first four notes are from one of the two diminished scales and the next four are from the whole tone scale. If you remember that there are also popular dom7 licks that start with C B Bb etc., you'll see that a dom7 lick can be made up out of all the 12 notes found in Western music.

I thought that my readers might find that interesting.

* * *

So, what's happening around the blogs?

Not a lot. Robert is taking cello lessons online and got called a 'badass musician' by the teacher. That's an American compliment, I believe. Peter is keeping us informed about Donald Chump. We're presently waiting on another post from Bagno Plumber. Don't forget that our LINKS service will take you to all these places, and more.

It's just to the right-hand side on Richard's Bass Bag.*

No need for thanks.

My gig at the Tawa library is getting close. Remember that's with my duo Sii Gentile. There is only time for about six tunes as the gig lasts for half an hour. Daryl is on piano and I'm on violin. The tunes I intend to play are Besame Mucho, Oh Lady Be Good, Manha De Carnaval, Sweet Georgia Brown, The Immigrants and The Accordion Lady. I wrote The Accordion Lady in 2001 to be played on the double bass, but I have never played it in public. I have practised it quite a lot and, when I go somewhere like to a supermarket, I often whistle it as I walk around. It does amuse me that I know the tune very well but nobody else has ever heard it. 

Well, that's it from me for this morning. Please keep an eye on Bagno Plumber's blog because he mentioned to me that he has a new post coming up.

Ciao tutti.

* the original bass bagging site

I visited Bob, Gloria and Aunty Maureen today.

 

As I often do, I had a chat with Bob. I asked him if he knew anything about the existence of Hell.

He replied, "Hi, Big Cheen. Honestly, I can't tell you much, except that there IS NO Hell."

My dad has never lied to me in the past. So, there you go.

Any questions, Rob? 

Lamentarsi del brodo grasso.

Due cose sono infinite: l'universo e stupidità umana; ma riguardo l'universo ho ancora qualche dubbio!

Ciao tutti.

Better Latin never.

 Peter wrote in Italian in a comment on my last post.

"Un uomo con gli occhiali ha un asino di nome Nod che si masturba ed è felice. Questo è bello."

As you probably know, in 1966, the boys in 3P, of which Peter was one, were taught Latin. 

"Mea culpa."

'Mea culpa' is a phrase he still uses often. You don't normally find him using Italian, so I suspect that we must give some credit to Google Translate. If you look through what he has written, one word stands out because it is very similar in English.

'Masturba'. In Latin it would be 'masturbat' in this form of the verb (when someone, or something, is doing it). So that immediately gives you a clue to what he might be talking about. There is masturbation happening. Next we look for nouns. A lot of you may know that 'uomo' means 'man'. 'Occhiali' is quite a common word, so some of you may know it. If not, there's always Google Translate. 'Un asino' must be a noun because it has 'a' in front of it. 'Nod' is obviously some sort of name. I'm sure we could all have a good guess at the meaning of 'bello'.

Peter boasts after his little Italian adventure, "I think that I'd do quite well as a linguist." Well, we all know that he had a talent for selling things, even if they didn't belong to him, in about 1967, when he started stealing communion hosts. I think that the purpose of 3P was to turn out priests, doctors, lawyers and governor generals. I don't think that nicking stuff was on the original agenda. That occupation was left for the more desperate members of 3R (later to be renamed 3M). 

Sorry, I didn't finish translating Peter's Italian for you. Ah, you've probably already done it using Google Translate. Fair enough, I'll leave it there.

* * *

The good news is that the little cut on my little left hand finger, near the nail, is getting better and is not interfering with violin practice. Though, I have put double bass practice on hold for a few days so that it doesn't get bashed around too much. 

I'm doing a lot of work on those 3rd / 7th chords because I want them to be automatic in all keys - so they pop out when needed. It's going well. 

* * *

It's Sunday today. A lot of Christians, including both Protestants and Catholics, will be off to church. It's the best day for church shop profits.

Don't forget what Robert told us on his blog, "More souls are going to hell now than ever before. Sexual perversion, adultery and fornification are rampant." I know that Rob probably blames the Protestants for misinterpreting the Bible, or something. I suspect that fornication (I assume that Rob meant to use this word) has been around, and heavily in demand, throughout history.

Fornication: "Voluntary sexual intercourse between unmarried persons or outside of marriage." I read that definition on a Christian site.

Do you believe that Hell (a nightmare idea for young children) exists? Rob obviously knows enough about it to be able to say that more souls are going there. How would he know this? Did Mary tell him? "Thanks for saying the Rosary, Robert. By the way, here's something that might interest you. More souls are going to Hell now than ever before. Perhaps it's time for another flood?"

So, god keeps turning out people and doesn't seem that worried that a lot of them are finishing up suffering for eternity. Surely he can do better than that? Does he like to see his creations suffer? 

Here's something I read about - Many years ago the Catholic Church assumed that women gathering herbs were witches. When they were rounded up, a long spike was placed up their vagina and it slowly worked its way through their bodies. It took many days to kill them and was a very, very painful way to go. As the old blues song said, "Before you accuse me, take a look at yourself."

* * *

Hey, I just read Robert's latest post and learnt two things.

1) I was right about Mary talking about Hell.

Robert tells us, "Mary showed the
three children at Fatima a vision of hell."

It looks like it is Mary who is going on about Hell.

2) Jesus might be gay.

Well, that's me for today.

Ciao tutti.

A memory from 25/4/2016.

 I think that this was my second year of being the Last Post guy on ANZAC Day in the Nui.

25/4/2016
It's just before 6.25am and I've just done my second Last Post for the day. One to go. I think it has gone pretty well - it's pretty easy to crack a note or two in the cold of the morning; standing outside on damp grass. I'm putting the trumpet in the car when a volunteer fireman approaches.

"It's on YouTube." he says excitedly.

No need to answer because he's got a story to tell.

"Mark Knopfler playing the last post on guitar, would you believe it? Fantastic! So moving. He's the best guitarist in the world!"

I can't really answer; he'll just think I'm bitter.

So I think it.

"Who says he's the best guitarist in the world? How did you decide that? Have you listened to everyone else? How did you tally up the marks? No pun intended.

Do you know that there are only five different notes in the Last Post? A bit of overdrive and sitting in a warm studio, and doing as many takes as you need. I don't really think you'd have to be the best guitarist in the world to pull that off. Hey, trumpet is my fourth best instrument. It's early in the morning and I'm playing in the cold morning air. I'm not getting paid, but that's fine because this is what you call community service and I like doing that. I practised the trumpet for three weeks to do this gig. Before that I hadn't even touched a trumpet for months. I'd like to see Mark out here with a bloody trumpet; now that would impress me!"

Okay, okay. He's a volunteer fireman; doing community service too, bless him. Maybe he puts in kitchens through the week? Probably listens to classic hits radio. He's probably had very little musical experience other than that. He probably just got excited when he heard that tune that Mark Knopfler played and just had to share it. Maybe I should have told him that I know a guy who is a real fireman? Bitter ol' me!

ANZAC Day done and the trumpet is back in the cupboard until November.

 At the start and end of our main (11.15am) ceremony in Wainuiomata the Christian god was thanked.

What the fuck? 

Besides wearing makeup,
what did he do to help?

A real god could have stopped it all.

I also read this when I woke up this morning. (Guess where?)

"Cardinal Muller, from Germany, says we must avoid a popularist/media orientated Pope. Modernism wants change and novelty in the Papacy. Catholics should desire the upholding of tradition and adhere to scripture. We must avoid the insidious temptation to fit Christ's teachings with what we might prefer. More souls are going to hell now than ever before. Sexual perversion, adultery and fortification are rampant."

More souls are going to hell now than ever before? I think that Mully is having a guess. 

Fortification is rampant? I think it always has been. Isn't that why god made penises and vaginas? I mean, he didn't have to. Okay, okay, I know, he's just a made up guy - from a set of three.

I've done ANZAC Day for ten years (or more). Lately they've added my name to the programme, but they spell it incorrectly. I really don't want to do it anymore. Why can't god appear and play the last post? Actually, one of the organisers told me he was quite excited because, evidently, they've made a trumpet that you play like a juke box. You hold it up and select 'The Last Post' and it plays itself. Maybe I'll be replaced because he seemed keen to buy one. 

I have a little cut on my left hand finger. I don't know how it got there but I hope I can still finger the violin because I have practice to do. 

Maybe I could put a bit of glad wrap around it, or something? Or maybe they're making violins like that juke box trumpet?

Here's an earlier model that could be more affordable.

Ah well, that's it from me this morning.

Ciao tutti.

Welcome aboard Signor Bagno!

 Bagno Plumber is very excited to be 'officially' in our blogging community. See HERE.

Two down, one to go.

 

Firstly, apologies to Rob, who came to both the dawn services. We spoke briefly beforehand, but I should have invited him around for a coffee. After the second 'blow', there was an old guy dressed as a boy scout who kept talking and I didn't get to say, "Come for a coffee, Rob."

He didn't really look like this.

Boy, it was freezing out there this morning!

This is just to give you
an idea, but it was also
dark.

The next 'blow' happens at 11.15am. All the local big shots come to this one. Hopefully it'll warm up by then.

Ciao tutti.

What would you say to a man who had three heads?

 

"Hello, hello, hello."

Gsus. Christ!

 Gsus walked into a barbeque where his friends saw him and approached. 

"Is that really you?" asked D7b9. "There's something peculiar going on."

"Oh, that's probably because a lot of people refer to me as Gsus4, but the only difference that makes it that my C is exposed."

"Well, we could have mistaken you for Gsus2.' said Am7b5. "Come and have something to eat. 

Gsus chose a piece of fish, a slice of bread, a small baked potato and a sausage roll. At this point his friends were relieved to know that it was in fact Gsus4. They really had it sussed now.

* * *

Gsus was back among them, after having been 'murdered' by a group of rock musicians who like to just shove chords anywhere. Gsus liked to resolve onto a G chord. 

* * *

Gsus knew that some Classical musicians had been praying for guidance and believed that the answers existed in what they called four part harmony. This was just a system that existed at a certain point in time and rules, like having no consecutive fifths, did not matter anymore.

* * *

Everyone at the barbeque knew that there was no chord called Dvine nor Evine, for that matter.

* * *

Gsus chatted to a minor chord about resolutions, but the minor chord was disinterested. Gsus even tried to talk about voicings with just a 3rd and a 7th. "Poor old minor chords." thought Gsus, "They are far too interested in heading towards a dominant 7th chord. Why won't they try a tritone substitution?"

* * *

Today is the day we remember Non-Saint Graham.

 

"What is a Non-Saint?" I hear you say. Well, Catholics have their saints, Atheists like to celebrate their non-saints and today just happens to be Graham's day, 24th. of April. Graham was born in Invercargill and attended Aurora College from 1966 until 1969. He never stayed around for the Upper Sixth. Graham is still alive because non-saints don't get martyred. He worked most of his life as a forklift driver and storeman, but is now retired and likes to play cards and belongs to a ukelele club. 

Graham took the picture.

So, how can an atheist become a non-saint? Easy, you just fill out a form and, if you get picked, you are given a day. You really don't need to do anything else. As long as you stay away from churches and don't buy into too much bullshit. Really, not much is known about Graham's life, except that he lied about going to Aurora College because it opened in 2005. Maybe Graham has good reasons for not wanting to tell you where he really went to school. Ah well, this little lie adds a bit of mystery to Graham's life. We atheists can live with that. Have a great day, Graham!