Keep Sunday holey.

 

Moving right along...

I had a five year old, who has just started learning the violin, pop around the other day. He saw the two double basses in our living room and was amazed by their size - he thought they were very big violins. I played a little bit of arco double bass for him. He looked at my bow and said, "You've got a violin stick!"
I can't stop calling it that now.
The power of a five year old.

Well, there wasn't any interest shown for my violin scale advice on my last post.

I was thinking of sharing my 12 essential things to practise if you want to play jazz (on violin), but I think I'd be wasting my time. I can see why Robert wouldn't be interested because he did question the need to play in tune in a comment on my last post.

I've included my reply.

 As for Peter, his only known music performance experience has evidently been on the bagpipes. I just hope he didn't practise early in the morning, or late at night. Maybe he did and that's why the people on his local 'Neighbourly' site don't seem to like him much.

 

Sorry about the American
spelling of 'neighbours'.

I did 1 1/2 hours of practice on my violin this morning. I did an hour on The Orange Blossom Special (a solo violin version) and thirty minutes on Project Violin 100. I guess it's time for some double bass practice now. I'll do some work with my fingers AND the violin stick.

Don't forget to keep Sunday holey.

Ciao tutti.

Don't be late on October the 8th.

 Okay, I have nothing else to talk about this morning, so I'll show you this.

I drew it up for my students. It's really a simple thing, a version of which can be found on any string instrument. I don't really know how many violinists are aware of it, but it's not rocket science.

"Sometimes people say “well, this isn’t that hard. It’s not rocket science!” As it turns out, although rocket science is complex, it’s still 100% understandable. Rocket science was used notably first in the space race in 1969, between America and the USSR. In this situation, the perfect calculations were required not only to get people off the surface of the Earth, but to actually make it to the moon.

Before this, in 1961, Yuri Gagarin became the first human to actually make it to space. Despite these early missions taking place so many years ago, the basic physics required to actually get people up there has remained pretty much the same. Technology, of course, has changed, and today’s rocket science does have more components generally than it did nearly 60 years ago.

Today’s rocket science can be broken up into a couple main components:

• The fuel and it's applications.
• The physics to get the rocket off the ground."

I hope that helps. Okay, back to the violin.

Some keys are considered hard (Db major, F# Major and others) but, if you know the above four scale shapes, they all become easy. The same principle applies to minor and dominant 7th. scales. Okay, some minor scales require a few altered notes, but they still fit into the system. Augmented and diminished scales will be different, but that's okay. 

The most used scales in western music are major, minor and dominant 7th. I suggest that you start by using major, dominant 7th. (starts on the fifth note of the major scale) and the Dorian minor (starts on the second note of the major scale). Once you are comfortable with these, you'll have the system sorted.

You'll be able to play all over the violin.

Have fun boys but don't play out of tune.

Robert chuckles.

Peter bites his lip.

I wouldn't be surprised if Peter (aka The Curmudgeon) is planning to build a long drop toilet.

 Well, he has been talking about these devices quite a bit lately.

Here is what I suspect his plan is:

1) He'll need to find a spot on his property that has very deep soil, as this will make the digging easier. He needs to dig a very deep hole so that the poo has somewhere to go. We know that he plans to put newspapers down the hole.

His hole will need to look something like this.

2) He'll need to build a seat with a hole in it.

3) He'll need to build a shed that is big enough for one person. He'll also need a gadget to hand the toilet paper on.

Okay, all done.

That only leaves one small problem.

Where do you wash your hands?

Any comments giving advice on this matter would be hugely appreciated.

Don't forget that he doesn't want people with unwashed hands traipsing through his house.

Thanks, in anticipation.

The post where I talk shit.

 Ah, what a great win for the All Blacks last night! Father mentioned it at Mass. Robert looked tired. He'd done the all-night shift at the church shop. 

They're selling hamburgers now. They have a cross on them, just like hot cross buns. The church has built a drive through at the back end of the church shop. The drive through is proving more popular than Mass.

Obviously they come with fries.

I noticed that Father had sticky fingers when he gave out hosts at Communion.

Peter had driven all the way down from Whangarei - he was probably attracted by the availability of hamburgers. 

He's smoking a pipe these days.

Before Mass he was standing outside by some silver pipes.

I said to him, "You look good with a pipe."

He replied, "You should say 'pipes'. There are nine of them."

He has always been one for detail. Actually, Peter certainly cracks some mighty good jokes. 

Okay, okay, I know, I'm pushing reality a bit too hard there!

Don't get me wrong, there is nothing much wrong with Peter's jokes. They're just not funny. 

After Mass Robert went to confession for the first time in about five years. Peter and I sat in the church while Peter ate a hamburger. You could hear the priest calling out in shock.

"You did what? I do not believe you! This is disgusting! You should be ashamed of yourself!"

After finishing his hamburger, Peter made use of a long drop that was behind the church. His interesting noises drowned out the priest's exclamations in the confessional box. Then he said he was driving home so that he could post on Neighbourhood Chat. Evidently the other people on the chat site love his comments and his fairly quick humour. 

Well, I'll leave it there for today.

Enjoy the rest of your Wednesday.

Chow tooty.

The ten command mints.

 

Okay, a little pun there to keep things light.

Lots of bloggers around here (including Peter and Robert) have had a go at giving their view on the ten rules put together by this guy called God. Who is God, I hear you ask? Well, they tell us that he is the boss of everything, even Donald Trump. I guess that, if he wants us to buy into his rules, he needs to give a very clear indication that he is actually there. Maybe he could knock on doors (in person - please don't send Jehovah's Witnesses or the Mormons) or get interviewed on TV, or on Youtube. Christians will tell you to read some silly old book or to have faith. Sorry, but that doesn't really do it. Anyway, let's have a look at the ten rules he has put forward. I've translated them from American into the king's English and I have tidied up the grammar.

Here goes.

1. I am the Lord, your God. You shall worship the Lord, your God, and him only shall you serve. 

Prove it. Anyone could claim that.

2. You shall not take the name of the Lord your God in vain. 

Why?

3. Remember to keep holy the Sabbath day. 

Why do I have to do that?

4. Honour your father and your mother. 

If they are nice, sincere people, that is a nice thing to do. However, I guess they do have to earn that respect.

5. You shall not kill. 

That's a very good rule, though I do notice that it doesn't seem to apply to animals.

6. You shall not commit adultery. 

While it is generally a good thing not to commit adultery, there possibly could be exceptions. For example, imagine if you were married to someone like Vladimir Putin.

7. You shall not steal. 

That's a good rule. Unless, of course, if the people around you are very unpleasant and are doing cruel things to others.

8. You shall not bear false witness against your neighbour. 

Well, it's good to be honest.

9. You shall not covet your neighbour's wife. 

I think we covered that one with the adultery commandment. Covet = yearn to possess. If you are coveting your neighbour's wife, there is a pretty good chance that you're trying to bonk her. I don't think it's okay to covet your neighbour's husband either.

10. You shall not covet your neighbour's goods.

I think we covered that one with not stealing or bonking his wife. Though, remember that his wife is not one of his possessions. Yes, yes, that goes for husbands too.

* * *

There you go. I hope that helps.

Please feel free to leave a comment (or two) if you have any thoughts on this topic.

Ciao tutti.

A boring morning on the blogs.

 It turns out that The Curmudgeon is a sensitive old guy and has to use special toothpaste.

Meanwhile Robert says, "Be vulnerable!"

Maybe Robert needs to use Sensodyne too?

I went to reread Robert's post about being vulnerable, but it seems to have gone. Maybe his latest thinking is, "Be a bit of a bastard." 

All I could find, on his blog, that looked new, was the ten commandments.

"The ten commandments
1. I am the LORD your God. You shall worship the Lord your God and Him only shall you serve. 2. You shall not take the name of the Lord your God in vain. 3. Remember to keep holy the Sabbath day. 4. Honor your father and your mother. 5. You shall not kill. 6. You shall not commit adultery. 7. You shall not steal. 8. You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor. 9. You shall not covet your neighbors wife. 10. You shall not covet your neighbors goods."

The first thing I noticed was the American spelling (neighbor, honor) and the lack of possessive apostrophes (neighbors goods, neighbors wife). 

Maybe God is American?

As you probably already know, the first three commandments are about sucking up to God. Probably the two most logical commandments are telling you not to steal or kill. Did we really need number 10? Not stealing really covers that one. Again, number 9 is really covered by number 6. Number 8 sounds like an attempt to say, "Be nice to other people." Why doesn't it just say that?

Let me finish by saying, "If you didn't read Peter's or Robert's blog, you missed absolutely nothing."

Well, I suppose you'd know that TC has sensitive teeth and that God writes in American with no possessive apostrophes.

Robert chuckles.

Ciao tutti.

The boys desperately need a new post from me.

 

I think they like me to start with a picture.

Peter has been to the murder house and some passing priest has told Rob he needs to be pathetic, or something similar. He told him to be two other things as well, but Rob wasn't listening. I guess that this is why the boys need my posts.

What the passing priest might have said:

• Grow a beard like Jesus.
• Nothing lasts forever, not even Hell.
• That biscuit thing is not really the body of Jesus.
• Come to church in a t-shirt and shorts.
• Don't go to bed wearing a full suit.
• Every good boy deserves fruit.
• The tritone is not really the devil's interval.
• Joseph doesn't like God because of what he did to Mary.
• Go Trump! Let's make America grate again.
• Flushing toilets are the work of Satan.

Peter has sensitive teeth (just like any curmudgeon) and needs special toothpaste. Oh dear. What do we do when our world comes to that? It'd be nice if all his friends sent Peter a tube of sensitive toothpaste. If they don't, here are some suggestions for Peter:

• Don't eat big stringy steaks.
• Don't chew on cardboard.
• Don't steal communion hosts. Hey, that's just not right!
• Wearing lipstick might help. There again, it might not.
• Use your hands, and not your teeth, to undo your sandal straps.
• Don't take up the trumpet or the oboe.
• Don't suck on stones or small rocks.
• Don't get punched in the mouth.
• Only kiss gently.
• Stay right away from oral sex.

There you go, I think I've helped both Peter and Rob. They'll both rest easy tonight. Peter might even celebrate with a Cleanskin.

Well, I know he likes that drop.

Please leave a message if I can be of further help.

Ciao tutti.