Seven things I learnt from elementary parallel universing in the past few weeks.

 

1. Jake, a guy down the road, was also having trouble getting a plumber to fix a bit of spouting, but that was five years ago. The job has since been done but now Jake would like to find a good lawn mowing contractor to mow his lawns. Also, it's not worth Jake upgrading his lawnmower if he's planning on getting someone in to do it. 
2. A lady I talked to at a chemist shop said her husband had also tried to find some N95 face masks but, just like the short conversation we'd just had about me being unable to purchase any, he was unable to purchase any too. Coincidence.
3. I was told it's quite hard to get the canned tomatoes you are after in Taupo too. So, it's not just Nuova Lazio. The person I talked to even tried to get her son to find some when he was passing through Napier. It appears he had no luck.
4. It seems that when we get windy days in Nuova Lazio they get them over the hill in Lower Hutt too. At least, that's what I was told when I mentioned our windy days.
5. I've seen a lot of cars running red lights lately. Another man in the dairy I entered, after both of us seeing a car do this, was able to inform me that a lot of people run red lights in Palmerston North. At that point I knew that I didn't live in the only place where this happens. My sighting seemed to lose a bit of its sting.
6. I had a little violin gig about a week ago. A lady came up and told me that her daughter also plays violin. She's evidently very talented and plays in the school orchestra. I was starting to think that I might be the only person who plays the violin but no, there is also a very talented lady doing it out there.
7. My elderly neighbour noticed me limping a bit. I told her about my sore foot and how it hurt quite a bit - hence, I suppose, the limp. She was able to tell me that her brother in Nelson had a sore foot, about thirty years ago, that caused him to limp for a few weeks. Interesting.

Why don't you strike up a conversation where a bit of elementary parallel universing will shift the emphasis from what you are saying? At the very least you will learn that you are not alone.

Carvin Throble: Swordsman. The Parallel Universe.

 

Carvin woke with a start. It was that same old dream again - a musical instrument that he didn't really know. A man was rubbing it with a stick. Then, in the dream, an asterisk always appeared and he was aware of the some words that really made no sense. Because of this he always left them in the dream and found them impossible to remember. This dream had been happening so regularly lately that one could not blame Carvin if he started to believe it was somehow connected with reincarnation, but Carvin wasn't going down that path - the last label he wanted was that of a remnant. 

No, Carvin Throble was a modern educated man. He knew his dreams were simply giving him a sample of a parallel universe, probably a taste of something that had happened many years ago, long before the every day reality of the rider.

When his dreams bothered him, Carvin just thought about swords. Swords were his thing and he thought he was pretty good at using one.

"You're fighting well today." shouted Stabby as the two men sparred.

"I'm working on speeding up my thrusts." spurted out a rather breathless Carvin.

"Well, the great Swordo might say that you're swinging too wide." Stabby replied.

Carvin hated it when Stabby said things like that. It was always bloody Swordo or that East European (now known as Sector 7) guy Pomodomo that Stabby used as his constant backups in sword discussions. There was, in Carvin's opinion, much more to the modern art of sword fighting but Stabby was just too close minded to look at the options. "Bloody remnant!" he thought to himself.

The other three members of the form were sparring together. Stick Inwid didn't look too happy but that wasn't unusual. Maybe he was noticing things that the other two were missing? He'd probably talk to the entire form later and enlighten them. 

The purpose of forms was that they would take on other forms. After the contest the side that did best would make out like winning didn't matter and that it was all about getting together, but the losing form knew that, once the winning form was alone together, the sarcasm would start in earnest. It wouldn't be long until some disparaging remarks would be carried into Footnet. They'd be cryptic to keep the Footnetcops and the kints at bay, but the danger was always that kint that nobody knew about - a kint who could even be a member of one's own form, or at least, a friend. 

Maybe Carvin's bed time look into parallels was a good thing? He remembered hearing stories about the old days and how, in a friendly chat, one person would answer a story with a parallel one. Maybe this was the way of the universe? Maybe these old discussions were keys that opened up a whole universe's ability to parallel itself? Maybe, in this way, an event could slowly develop and be taken to new heights? 

The Parallel Universe was indeed a marvelous place.

Carvin Throble: Swordsman. The 'form'.

 

A few facts about life in 2076: 

Most people do not have jobs or careers. The only people with regular employment are those running things, Footnetcops, Footnetstaff, medical staff, cleaners and, of course, kints. The rulers decided to stop giving kints a living subsidy because they make more than enough following their favourite hobby - dobbing people in. Most jobs, like building and plumbing are very automated and are in the hands of the Footnetstaff. Supermarkets are fully automated, planes fly themselves and have attractive robots that serve drinks and food. 

As I told you, Carvin belongs to a form consisting of five swordsmen. These swordsmen hold regular practices to hone their skills. It is important to note that, when there is a swordfight, the object is not to injure the opponent, but to beat him with skill and humiliate him. Hence the fact that swords are blunt. Yes, there are woman swordfighters too but most women find it a silly activity and don't participate. In the early 2060s complicated tests were done that proved the average woman was much smarter and more mature than the average man. Obviously there are a lot of exceptions, like women who do those quizzes (yes, they're still there) on Footnet that ask questions like, "What sort of mermaid are you?" or "What famous person in history were you in a previous life?" 

For those who are not familiar with these quizzes, they always finish their summation of you with something like, "Karen you are a strong and fair mermaid and you are very kind and loving, but watch out for anyone who hurts someone you love!"  The crazy women who get involved with these quizzes never tire of hearing that reply and they never seem to realize that everyone is getting the same reply. Many years ago these women were schoolteachers, which was a bit worrying, but there are no schoolteachers now. Poor things (the women who take these quizzes). They'd be better off sword fighting.

There is a swordsman in Carvin's form named Stabby Adim. Carvin and Stabby are sparring partners.

Stabby Adim

Stabby is a remnant and his style of sword fighting is very traditional - he is definitely not into new moves and follows the 'set in stone' intentions of the old masters. Nevertheless, he is a very competent sword fighter.

I think I've covered all I need to. Next time we can get on with the story.

Carvin Throble: Swordsman.

 Let's bring you up to date:

The year: 2076

They were predicted by some in the 1960s but now hovercraft have finally arrived as the preferred form of private transport by the masses. Quite a lot of these 'riders', as they are known now, are built with a retro look.

This tale is about a swordsman named Carvin Throble. Yes, you heard me right, it's 2076 on planet Jasper (the name was changed from Earth in 2051 because people finally decided it was a silly name) and swords are popular. There are many reasons for this, we can talk about that later, the main one being that hand to hand combat is necessary in these times and the sword certainly adds to one's striking power. Hand guns lost their potency with the introduction of the Keenbig Blocking Magnet, a small pocket size device that is used to make any gun seize up. The guns don't have to be made of metal to fall victim to this device. As Keenbig like to stress in their advertising, "We'll block anything with a bullet or a shell in it!"

Carvin Throble: Swordsman

The internet is a thing of long past history, most people have never used its name. In these times the Footnet reigns and has a huge influence on the lives of the people of Jasper. One can actually physically enter the Footnet. The Footnet is guarded by a special police force called Footnetcops and there are many spies lingering around who are keen to dob you in for any small offence. These spys live off the income they make from dobbing people in. People call these spies 'kints'.

Swordsmen, and there are many, tend to band together in 'forms' of about three to six swordsmen. Carvin is in a form with four others. The self appointed leader of this form is Stick Inwid. He is not the best swordsman in the form but is one of those people who assumes superiority.

Religion has been pretty well stamped out but there are a few bible reading survivors still around. These people are referred to as 'remnants'.

I think that's enough information to get you started.