Robert goes to America.

The Baltimore Catechism has a lot to answer for. It must contain the message that America is the land of truth and integrity. Otherwise Robert, the truth and integrity guy, might have used his own country's flag as a background for his boast.

Recently this blog of truth and integrity, backed by the American flag, gave us this news...

'The biggest event in history was Christ calling all mankind to join God as friends and live with Him for all eternity.'

There should have been an asterisk after 'eternity' leading us to the following statement...

*Anyone who, for whatever reason, doesn't accept the call will suffer in Hell for eternity.

So, maybe it all comes down to whether or not you buy into the Baltimore Catechism. Okay, okay, there's also all that stuff decided on by Vatican 2. Actually, Robert the American says he drew his conclusion from that event. Maybe he should be standing in front of the Italian flag?

* * *

Well, I'm back from Blenheim and posting again (as you can see). I can hear the cheering that I am back.

I'm a pretty busy guy but I will try to find the time to lift the blogging standards around here. Peter (The Curmudgeon) will be pleased to have my leadership again.

I'm off to do some bass practice now. I'll tell you all about it later - that will give you something to look forward to.

Ciao tutti.

I'm in Hell!

 

Robert must have been reading the Baltimore Catechism because his prediction was correct. I was found slumped over my bass in a library and they've sent me to Hell. Hey, it's not all bad here. I know a few of the people and there is no Mr. Linford. I haven't seen Brother Benedict either, so I was lucky to avoid Heaven. Evidently it is full of religious nutters from many different religions. They also say that lots of young women get assigned for eternity to suicide bombers and the like.

I passed last Monday and, on arrival, the first job Satan gave me was to make up a book (with backing tracks) of Irish music - that's the music where they keep playing the melody over and over again. Sheesh!

Evidently I've got to play all the tunes on the Hell equivalent of Saturday. (They call Saturday Double Burn) So, I can see why it is called Hell.

There are a lot of trombonists here too. You do recognise a few faces from history but I haven't seen Hitler yet. Maybe he confessed on his death bed? There is a bar nearby. It has very cheap beer and Cleanskin wine. 

They have a picture of Putin up in the bar with the words, "See you soon." The locals find it funny.

They also run a sweepstake on who is still on Earth but may finish up here. I've seen a few names of interest, but we're not allowed to tell you guys.

Hey, I'd better go and practise that devilish Irish music. I don't want to earn time in the Heat Chamber.

Ciao from Hell.

Harmonic Approximation.

 This is a musical term that describes how quite a few musicians improvise. Don't get me wrong, it certainly has its use. It's sort of like how some people might use their voice. You'll hear Robert with the very long title doing it on his blog HERE. You'll have to sit through a lecture on how to treat your elderly parents to get to the video.

I sometimes use the technique myself, but certainly not all the time. Harmonic approximation is when you're going to play along with a piece of music. You find out the key (say G major) then you fish around with the notes of that key (G A B C D E F# G). You are going to hit a lot of notes that sound good but you will sound a bit bland after a while. 'Same shit, different day'.

This won't necessarily work with tunes with more complex chord progressions or tunes containing modulations. In any situation it'll sound better if you know, or can hear, the chord progression. It is also good to think about phrasing and rhythms. There are also chromatics and five other notes that you can use (Ab A# C# D# F). In the right place, those notes will make you sound more interesting.

Actually, I'm not here to talk about music theory. My intention is to look at the type of post that Peter (The Curmudgeon) writes. Read THIS.

This post is a reaction to something I wrote. The main ideas were also thought up in a comment he left earlier on my post.

This is his G major scale.

The post is already written. Then he sees the potential for a 'post'. He was stuck for ideas up until then - he'd thrashed the idea of working in the garden and fixing windows in his house. 

This idea has saved him! Hey, add a few pictures (in G major), mention Robert to get his attention, and have one last go at Robert in the last sentence.

HARMONIC APPROXIMATION!

"Don't worry about trying to read the music, 
Fiddler Brian, just move around the notes of 
the scale. That's what The Curmudgeon does!"

Words that say it all.

 The Curmudgeon is struggling. I guess it's going to be tough when you've only got two readers.

This comment by him on Richard's Bass Bag* says it all.

Jealousy!

Well, I've tried to help the old chap but, let's face it, he's simply getting too old to write a good blog post.

Maybe he needs a new pastime? 

Okay, okay, I know, he'll look to me for suggestions. Here goes...

• Peter the toilet cleaner. Well, something like this has worked for Robert the apathetic sanctimonious sinner, toilet cleaner, threatener of eternal damnation, music snob and sucker. Old Peter must learn to start small, so just the one title for now. Later he could extend it to Peter the toilet cleaner and hurter of backs.
• Draughts is a game that I feel he could be successful at. It's not too difficult and it would be hard to hurt your back while playing draughts. Also, if you've upset most of your friends, it can be played online.
• Spotting car makes. Mike Wilson's boys used to do this when they were quite young and they became very good at it. All you do is sit by the side of the road and try to name the make of each car that drives by. "Toyota. Another Toyota. BMW. Honda. Some sort of French car, I missed that one. Holden. Honda. Cleanskin. No, hang on, that's a wine. Vauxhall. Hey, you don't see those much anymore! Ford. Toyota."
• Go into Catholic secondary schools and count the paedophile priests who still have their picture hanging on the wall. 
• Join a church and help out in the church shop. 

• Open a dairy. All you really have to do is sit behind the counter and occasionally stock up the shelves. If you stock up only single items, the back should be fine.
• Take up weight training.
• Become a film extra but avoid action films.
• Become a male model.
• Study Richard (of RBB)'s posts and become an interior designer.
• Get back to practising the bagpipes.
• Sit around.

I hope that helps.

Ciao tutti.

* the original bass bagging site

Richard (of RBB) creates a masterpiece.

 

I thought that 2 Degrees was a phone company.

 Well, it's 2 degrees in Nuova Lazio this morning!

I'm not at work again this morning. Schools are sending kids (year levels) home as part of their industrial action. They obviously don't think of the impact on relievers. Though I have heard, through the grapevine, that Nuova Lazio High is still bringing in some relievers. It seems that, after five years relieving there (when they were really desperate for relievers) and a total of eighteen years at the school, I don't count anymore.

Beh, che stronzata!

PLAGARISM.

I came across this book.

Can you guess which book it might have stolen its ideas from?

The first page might help.

And to think that poor old Ed Sheeran got into trouble for using a few familiar chords!

Bloody good that he got off!

I mean, do you know how many songs there are that go | C  A7 | Dm7  G7 | ?

Of course, there are many slight variations too - 

 | C  Am | Dm  G7 |        | C  C#dim7 | Dm7  G7+5 |  and the list goes on.

'THE DINOS ON THE BUS'?

COME ON!

Okay, okay, I know that Peter will be skim reading through all that to get to the latest news on my back room bedroom / storeroom. Here are some pictures.

The bed in its new position. Notice the new
headboard.

A clothes rack placed strategically to hide
the storeroom part from the bedroom part.

Today I'll pick up another clothes rack to hide
this view. There'll be a 'door space' between the 
two clothes racks.

Now that NLHS doesn't seem to want me anymore, after 18 years (loyalty?), I'm thinking of setting up a business as an interior designer. I'm sure that Peter would be happy to write me a glowing reference!

I cleaned up the frame on this picture. It hangs on the wall just above the bed head, right next to 'sneaky looks' Jesus.*

It tells us on the back of the frame, "Stephanie Prowse
age 11."

She's 38 now. Here is how her work has developed over quite a few years (27 years, though the one above is very special to me).

Sorry, the paper needs straightening out. 
I'll get onto this.

Steph obviously inherited genes from my mum (her Grandma).

Bassist Ron Carter. He displayed this on his 
Facebook page. Sorry, it's a lousy photo.

Another lousy photo. Sorry.

I wonder what grade Peter will give me for this post?

Sorry, Robert needs a mention too. Rob, notice that the nail hole in the picture wouldn't have held Jesus up.

Ciao tutti.

* He's watching both of you, Peter and Robert!

Ho finito.

 Well, the worst of the job is done. The bed is moved and the shelves are assembled - not an easy job.

The completed shelving area.

The new bit. Lots of work here!

The old bit tidied up.

A new place for the bed.

There it is from a different angle.

Robert will like this one. Actually, 
it's a picture that makes Jesus follow
you around the room.

Two pictures done by my boy (now a dad)
many, many years ago.

I hope Peter is happy with that and I can improve on my last 3/10 rating.

Fingers crossed.

Ciao tutti.

What if a shelving unit fell over?

 Say, in an earthquake?

I wonder if I'd find anything interesting underneath it? What Robert might find interesting Peter may not.

Imagine if Father Patrick was underneath it.

What was he doing under that
shelving unit, besides grinning?

Let's try and find out.

Here are some relevant photos. Peter said that it's good to use photos.

No, not that one.

Not this one either, but he makes an
interesting point.

These three!

The two shelves I completed earlier. Could they
fall over in an earthquake?

And what if Father Patrick was sleeping in this bed 
when the shelving unit fell over?

I'm going to have to move all this stuff and put the bed here.

The last two shelving units can go where the bed was.

Father Patrick is smiling, so
it must be a good idea!

Hang on, Father Patrick is always bloody smiling!

Doesn't he care about those worms burrowing through eyeballs?

Robert will know what is going on. I wonder if he can clear up the matter, without using big words?

Peter hoped there would be a bottle of Chateau Mongomongo 1927 Pinot Noir under the shelving.

Sorry, but this is the best I can offer.

Well, it has got to be better than
a Cleanskin.

Stay tuned folks because this post could have a lot of sequels.

Thanks for the blogging lesson Peter.*

* NOT

Wally's Day of Reckoning.

Wally hung onto the sticky rope and readied himself to swing across the canyon. The drop was long, but he had a good head for heights. He could see that others were up to similar activities. 

Once he had come across a temporarily misplaced mobile phone. It had been left turned on. 

The page it showed was by someone called The Curmudgeon, a blogger who got most of his ideas from someone else. He'd unintentionally bumped the machine and it brought up a picture of someone called William John Hazard. He couldn't make sense of the post.

He thought, "If you're trying to take on a pile of sailing ships, you'd be better not to wear such an obvious red top. A red flag to a bull!"

There was no more information about what brought William into the post. Some advice was given that didn't seem to have a direct relationship with what had been written so far.

"Bitterness is common. I think the way out of depression is to extend a kind welcome when none is given. To provide a meal without expecting thanks. There may be other ways too."

Wally returned to the present. The jump had been successful. When the job was completed, he might be able to provide a meal. That, after all, was the purpose behind his endeavour. However, one thing was for sure, he had no intention of providing a meal for his competition.

Then it happened.

A huge broom was sweeping over everything. He saw others running for shelter. Most were heading upwards, which seemed like the safest place to be. Wally was stunned. Was this the prophesized event that the old ones had often talked about? Left, right and centre traps were being destroyed. He briefly wondered if the post about William John Hazard was some sort of warning. Was this the Day of Reckoning?

Richard (of RBB) had two heavy shelves to move more closely together so that there was room for another two. This would give him space to move the boxes off the floor. The cobwebs he found were a nuisance but one that could be dealt with. He imagined the room with everything off the floor and the stuff on the bed put away, somehow, in the adjoining room. He was a man with a plan and a clear goal. Assembling the shelving would be the hardest part. He remembered the last two shelves and how he had read the assembly instructions.

"Rubber Hammer not included."

This time there would be no need for a trip to the local hardware store.

Monday Update.

 1) It's cold but not as cold as yesterday.

2) The PPTA is sending year levels home for the next three weeks. This means that years 9 and 13, or 10 and 11, or 11 and 12 won't be at school on a given day. That probably means not much work for relievers (that means me). Relievers will be the worst off, pay wise, among secondary teachers, over the next three weeks. It will be hard, if not impossible, for the ministry to dock individual teachers. If relievers are not needed, they don't get paid. I don't think that most teachers will care about that.

3) Did I mention that it's cold this morning?

4) I should get a fair bit of practice done this morning. I might go to that funny older musicians' jam next Sunday. That's the one I went to two Sundays ago. It's always good to have something to practise for. 

5) I'm presently trying to do a big tidy up 'downstairs' because I have my Italian friend Antonio staying over the Christmas period, so we need an extra 'bedroom'. Do you know what you call an Italian with a rubber toe? Roberto.

6) I've got the heater on full but it's still cold.

7) My son gave Shelley one of those fancy coffee machines. We haven't really used it because, well, we're not quite sure how to use it. I might try it out this morning. A coffee would be nice.

It looks a bit like this.

8) Well, that's all from me this morning. Ciao tutti.