Monday Morning.

Overcast.

No, I'm not over the cast of any show. I just mean that it's cloudy in Wainuiomata.*

These guys are fine. I don't even know what their show is.

The washing machine is going and shortly it'll be time for violin practice. Then double bass practice in E A D G - no more silly tunings. Then I'll put normal strings on the Bob. After that I'll fix the door in the spare bedroom and vacuum the house.

Robert will be at work listening to podcasts. Peter will not be long up. The same height, actually.

"Richard is doing some
good jokes this morning.
Maybe he should do a quiz?"

Okay TC, I hear you. Following on from that new Curmudgeon who eats the prizes, here's a quiz. Remember, NO CHEATING.

Question 1: What is the first string on a guitar called?

a) G  b) Peter  c) E  d) God

Question 2: Who invented The Moaning Lisa?

a) Albert Einstein  b) Pope Francis  c) Walt Disney  d) Spike Milligan

Question 3: How do you spell a painting on a wall?

a) murral b) mural  c) The Holy Trinity  d) pontifore

Question 4: Which place is furthest north?

a) Whangarei  b) Dunedin  c) Wellington   d) The South Pole

Question 5:  What is the answer to this sum? 2 + 33 x 0 - 2 = 

a) 0  b) 33  c) 7  d) God made the world

How did you go?

Leave your answers in the comments.

First prize is a cup of coffee which I'm going to drink shortly.

Ciao tutti.

* Where the girls are smarter. Peter likes that joke.

Later, that same day. E A D G

Yesterday was a negative musical experience for me. 

And do you know whose fault it was?

MINE!

Why mine?

Because I let my feelings be controlled by idiots.

But how do you know they were idiots?

Well, I bet that I know more about playing the violin than almost anyone else who was there.

Why do I say 'almost'?

Well, because you can't account for every single person who was there.

Still, I can be pretty sure that I play the violin better than 99% of people who were present.

There's an old saying that I really like.

"When you die, people are upset, but you don't know that you are dead. It's the same when you are stupid."*

I practise the violin almost every day. I make a big effort to do thoughtful, constructive practice. I think it's fair to say that I know I'm pretty good. I have a pretty big repertoire. 

When I'm asked to do something, like play at a funeral, I come very prepared. My gear is all checked out and my repertoire is well prepared. The one thing I have no control over is the minds of the people who turn up.

And my biggest mistake?

I forgot what I try to teach my students.

Okay, enough of that.

Let's talk about proofreading.

Rob needs to check out how to spell 'mural'.

Peter needs to have a read through his posts before he posts them.

Have fun boys but proofread.

I was thinking about the Christian god the other day. Why does he feel the need to be adored? Is he acting like Donald Trump? Why does anyone need to be adored? 

Okay, I'm tired, so I'm going to leave it there for today.

Tomorrow morning the Bob goes back into standard tuning.

E A D G

Ciao tutti.

* Robert will disagree with this.

No more AI, I'm using C G D A.

 Actually, I'm not that happy with the A string, and the very low C takes a bit of practice to sound correctly. The A string sounds scratchy.

Hey, this has nothing to do with what TC does when he first gets out of bed. Though he did once say, "Why do women rub their eyes when they wake up? Because they haven't got balls to scratch."

Anyway, back to the bass tuned in 5ths.

Oops, that's the view from where we stayed last night. I think she might have been looking after us because, at 1.30am, a fire alarm went off in our room. I went outside and checked the building, but everything seemed okay. I did decide to stay awake until 4am, just to keep an eye on things. It didn't seem like a good idea for me and 'the real boss' to both be asleep, just in case. We survived.

The funeral gig was 'interesting'. I played for 35 minutes at the start. The last tune was 'O Mio Babbino Caro'. At the finish evidently only a five-year-old boy showed any enthusiasm. The MC said, "At least little Frank liked it." That's not a pat on the back, in case you're wondering. I thought to myself, "La mamma degli imbecilli è sempre incinta." They were posting the whole ceremony online, but whoever was doing the tech work was an idiot and my playing was all mumbled up and distorted. After the ceremony I didn't even get a single thank you. 

On a happier note, the Bob is tuned in fifths -
C  G  D  A.

Okay, I know you want to hear it. Just remember that I've had very little practice on these strings. Listen out for the last note (deep C).

Peter will think I meant 'deep sea'. Never mind.

That's it.

Ciao tutti.

Hi, I'm using AI for this morning's post.

 Warning: expact a few gramaticle and speling mistakes. I've notised that it happens to the blogres around here who use AI.

Godfrey almight! Its happened alredy!

Hi AI, please help with grammar and spelling. Thanks.

I read Peter's latest efforts after I woke this morning.

What Peter looks like, at 72,
when you use AI.

He has been getting pissed and drawing faces on the 'kitchen tidy' while Lynn is away.

He should not be left alone! Sorry, but Lynn is responsible for this!

A self portrait?

And Roberto?

It appears that he has finally come over to my way of thinking about abortion and women's rights.

This is the header to his blog.

Here's an AI image of Roberto.

Okay, I'm going to turn the AI off now.

AI, off.

In the spirit of Peter and Rob I won't proofread this post.

Shower tutti.

"You're sad Mista."

 'Mista' Saturday dance...

Da da, da da

Heard they crowded the floor...

Da da, da da

Ain't nothinng without you,

Don't get around much anymore.

* * *

I was lying in bed this morning and looking at Facebook on my phone. Whoever writes a lot of stuff on there, likes to start a story like this:

"A man walked into a supermarket and noticed a friend who had been serving overseas in the military. see more"

I read quite a few of these as I scrolled down through the offerings. I started wondering why they kept mentioning this guy...

* * *

I've been asked to play at a funeral tomorrow, up near Raumati. It's for a singer friend who died - we actually performed together quite a bit. She sang Autumn Leaves, with me on violin and Daryl on guitar, at my brother-in-law's farewell ceremony. I'm to play some background music, while people arrive, and then a feature piece to start the ceremony. She was originally an opera singer, so I thought, as a feature, I'd play 'O Mio Babbino Caro'.

It is possible that some people in the audience might think, "You're sad Mista." The truth is that any of these people who can actually play the violin wouldn't have a shit chance of pulling off some of the things I'll throw in, or of improvising over a Jazz chord progression. The truth is that not many violinists around these parts can pull off playing Jazz changes or comfortably move around the entire range of the violin. So, I really don't give a shit if any of them think I'm 'sad'.

I played a gig at the Tawa library last May with Daryl and George. There was a music teacher there who knows both Daryl and me. She talked to us at the end of our performance. She complimented Daryl on his playing but said to me, "Too many notes!" People who say this, or have the need to say this, are often trying to protect their own boring playing. Their inner voice is saying something like, "Damn, I can't do that! What can I say to protect my own ego?"

* * *

Thought I'd visit the club...

Da da, da da

Got as far as the door...

Da da, da da

Ain't nothing without you,

Don't get around much anymore.

Oh darling, I guess,

My mind's more at ease,

But, never the less,

Why bring back memories?

Get invited on dates...

Da da, da da

Could have gone, but what for?

Da da, da da

Ain't nothing without you,

Don't get around much anymore.

G D A E vs A D G C

 What am I doing here? Okay, we might all ask that question from time to time, but, in this case, I'm talking about my two basses - the Gloria and the Bob. The Gloria is my go to bass, it is a beautiful instrument that will always be my first choice. The Bob is a plywood (think cheaper) bass, but a very practical bass (like its namesake). It has served me well for many years. On many gigs - in the time when I used to get gigs.

The thing is, just for a bit of fun, I've put it into a different tuning. It is now tuned like a big, deep cello. It is tuned in fifths. The deepest note is a very low C.  This makes it entirely different to play from the normally tuned bass in fourths.

THIS IS WHERE PETER WILL STOP READING (if he hasn't already done so).

What Peter plans to wear
in the Wellington winter.
This outfit would also
work in Alaska.

So, why have I done this? I am a string teacher at two schools. I teach violin, viola and double bass. At some point I could be given a cello student. Playing the Bob in this tuning will get me used to cello fingerings.

Okay, I'm off to look after my grandson very shortly so I'll have to leave it there for today.

Ciao tutti.

A happy little post.

I read TC's post this morning and listened to a bit of the attached video. It seems that the 100-year-old fella might be moving to halt posts about windows, Catholicism and music practice.

"No more silly posts!"

I'm a bit worried about Rob playing his cello as a transposing instrument - 'a big violin'.

Well, I guess the world can survive a big violin. 

I glove you Rob. 

A Poneke glove.

Hey, except for clove, glove is the only proper noun you can make by adding one letter to the front of 'love'. Yes, yes, Peter will claim 'slove' to be a legitimate English word. I know he'll do this. Ah well, whatever keeps the old guy happy.

How's it going so far? Are you enjoying a bit of light relief?

Hey, and there is no truth to the rumour that Rob is looking to buy a capo for his cello.

If he did that, he might be tempted to sing folk songs. He'd have to keep The House of the Rising Sun in A minor. Actually, the open cello tuning could work pretty well for that.

Open strings: C  G  D  A

Chords: (in 6/8 time) || Am | C | D | Fmaj7 | Am | C | E7 | E7 | Am | C | D | Fmaj7 | Am | E7 | Am | (E7) ||

He could just play the root notes of the chords to get started. Then he could add 6ths and 5ths to make double stops:

|| A over C | G/C | F#/A | F/A  | A/C  | G /C | G#/B | G#/B | A/C | G/C | F#/A | F/A | A/C | G#/B | A/C | G#/B ||                                                                         

Well, there you go for today. Actually, Rising Sun might be easier in imagined violin tuning.

Ciao tutti.

The I Scream Robert.

 Rob has created a new character, on his blog, whose name is not stolen from another blogger.

Good on him. The character is called 'The Ice Cream Robert' (TICR for short).

It seems he is also called The Ice Cream Rob.

At first I thought that this comment on my blog was written by The Curmudgeon, that blogger who goes on and on about his bloody windows but, look at the time - 4.13am. No way!

Old TC would still be busy in his fart sack.

* * *

So, it's Monday. I return to work tomorrow. For anyone who is new around here, that's teaching violin, viola and double bass. 

So, what gigs have you got coming up Richard (of RBB)? 

Well, I'm probably playing at a funeral on Saturday. I'll play a solo version of Autumn Leaves. Then I intend to play some solo violin Bluegrass at an open mic night on the last Sunday of this month. Last up, I'll be probably playing a violin duo gig and possibly a double bass duo gig, with my youngest sibling, at a couple of libraries. The duo is called Sii Gentile. The name is a translation of Jacinda Ardern's famous words, "Be kind."

The Bluegrass tunes are quite different to playing Jazz. The chord progressions are simple but you have to play a lot of double stops. Most of the required double stops are from major chords and might be thirds (with a fourth) or sixths (with a fifth). There are some tricky bowing things that come up and the tunes tend to be pretty fast. I'm working pretty hard on them.

I also need to increase my double bass practice hours. Hey, I know that, when The Curmudgeon is not thinking about his windows, he loves to read about my practice.

"I wonder what the young fella
is practising today?"

So, what am I practising on the bass? Warm ups are important - for both pizzicato and arco. It pays to do some intonation practice too. Then one moves onto repertoire. If the double bass duo gig comes off, I'll be playing original pieces that I wrote, over many years, for the double bass.

Well, that'll do for this morning. I have a busy day coming up, what with a section to tidy up. I won't be taking lots of photos of my windows though, so relax.

Ciao tutti.

I'm Bach.

 

Shelley and I spent the evening at a motel in Paraparaumu after attending a 100th birthday in Raumati.

What a 100-year-old
guy looks like.

The birthday went on for hours. I'd taken my violin because I heard there was going to be a jam. A good jazz band played between the formal bits but, when it came time for a bit of a 'jam', the hundred-year-old featured and a guy who looked about ninety-five joined in on his clarinet. I decided to give that bit a miss and headed back to our motel. 

Not much is happening on the blogs. Robert is pretty insistent that he loves me, and Peter is just throwing in the odd comment. Normally with the sort of sarcasm that won't win him friends in Wainuiomata. Robert posted a video in my comments with a woman singing about loving her friends, or something. Maybe Robert would like to become a woman? Oh, no, he can't because of some rules the pope and bishops made. 

We're back up in Raumati next Saturday for a funeral and, the following weekend we will be staying in Havelock North. It's a busy February. I'm also back at work this week. 

That's it from me for today. I guess I'd better do some practice.

Ciao tutti.

In the beginning...

 In the beginning there were three entities...

Father

Son

and Bird.

They lived in a place called Heaven and drove around in a big black ute known as God.

How the three of them got together in the first place, no one knows. Maybe because the Father, for whatever reason, looked older than his pal, they found the names amusing? Maybe it just seemed natural to them that one of them was a bird? At this point they obviously were not showing any concern about transgender issues.

Anyway, these three beings were perfect and didn't make mistakes. They also knew the future so, whatever they created, and how it turned out, was really their responsibility - unless they could shift the blame onto someone, or something, else.

"Let's fool around with making some creatures."
said the Father.  

"I'm thinking of sexless creatures. Yes, yes, I know I was excited when I invented sex, but these creatures will be second only to us. We'll call them angels. Hey, I do have this sneaky little scheme that I'll tell you about later."

"Okay." said the Bird.

"I'm in." said the Son. "But tell us now about your scheme."

"Well, okay." said the Father. "First we make these angels, but we rig things so that one of them becomes a bad guy. Obviously, he'll never know what has happened. Then we make a bad place to send him to. Then we make another group of people we'll call humans. We'll use sex so that one is a man, the boss, and the other is a woman - no cock, so how can she be the boss? Remember that these two won't need belly buttons - that'll only become necessary with Plan B. We'll set up a plan for the woman so that she stuffs up and needs to be punished. Now here's the great bit - we create something called Original Sin and stick it onto everyone else who comes along in Plan B!"

"Brilliant!" said the Bird and then he squawked.

The Father carried on. "An important ingredient in all of this will be guilt. I invented that this morning." 

The three of them figured out how all of this could work. The 'fallen angel' would be called Lucifer and sometimes referred to as Satan. His domain would be called Hell and humans who didn't get the point of Original Sin would be sent there, forever. No mucking around. They'd organize a book called The Bible that would set up all the rules. They also discussed a set of rules called The Ten Commandments.

"Hey, Father, I think you've just invented morals!" said the Son with excitement.

The three of them felt ready to go and excitedly took a ride in God. On the way the world was created. 

Then they set to work on the angels and chose the one to be Lucifer.

Their ride in the big black ute lasted for six days. On the seventh day they rested.

"Let's call that a week." said the Bird.

The Son turned some water into Cleanskin and they all chilled out and got a bit pissed.

Yep, that's how it all started. Have faith or you'll be down there with Lucifer.

"I woke up this morning to the sound of a train. I said, I woke up this morning to the sound of a train. My alarm clock's working but I couldn't hear it for the rain."

Actually, it's not raining in Wainuiomata at present.* That title is just words I wrote for a song in 1977. 

The song was called the Taumarunui Blues. Here are the words I remember:

I woke up this morning to the sound of a train. I said, 

I woke up this morning to the sound of a train.

My alarm clock's working but I couldn't hear it for the rain.

Now Taumarunui ain't a one horse town, I said

Taumarunui ain't a one horse town.

Them horses got more sense, ain't a single horse for fifty miles around.

I've got the Tau, Tau, Tau, Taumarunui Blues.

I've got the Tau, Tau, Tau, Taumarunui Blues.

I'm stuck here in Taumarunui, that's why I'm singing these blues.

Taumarunui

Actually, Taumarunui is really quite a nice little town and quite a bit of fun was had there. I was just a bit depressed at the time. Anyway, I still remember the song.

I don't know what made that pop into my head. Yes, I do. I'd just woken up and thought it was raining outside. Many blues songs start with, "I woke up this morning..."

I think the old blues singers would have sung, "I woke up this mornin'"

Okay, okay, what's happening around the blogs?

Peter wrote something about Popeye the sailor man.

It was about an eating place in Lower Hutt with bad grammar in its name. This post was written last Wednesday. Peter is busy trying to back a trailer at the tip. Too busy to update his blog.

Robert has done a few posts. His latest is about driving forklifts. Oh yes, and he also offers support for President Trump. 

"President Donald Trump wrote that the United States “will not fund, sponsor, promote, assist, or support the so-called ‘transition’ of a child from one sex to another, and it will rigorously enforce all laws that prohibit or limit these destructive and life-altering procedures.""

Not a big surprise that Robert would supports this, considering that he is a Catholic. 

I've actually had a (very) little bit (through teaching mainly) to do with teenagers who are certainly not happy with their sex. It's like when you deal with gay kids. They're pretty adamant about what they are. Hey, but, as in most things, old men know what is best for them. 

Just in case you're slow witted, that last sentence was written with sarcasm.

There must be studies done by professional people (people who have really studied the subject) into trans youngsters. I bet that Trump hasn't. I bet that most of those silly bishops and priests haven't too. I doubt if Robert has.**

I have a nephew who has transitioned from a girl to a boy. Recently we made a long car journey together and we chatted all the way. I found him to be intelligent, thoughtful towards others and, most of all, very happy. He certainly seems like a nicer person to be around than that president Robert quoted.

* * *

Okay, you know what time it is now. Yes, practice time. I'm going to a 100th birthday tomorrow (an old musician friend -  from 3G days, according to Peter) and there is evidently going to be a jam. I'll take my violin and my little battery amp. That makes me as loud as any trumpet player.

Well, that's it for today. We're staying in Raumati on Saturday night, so my blog writing might be a little slower, but not as slow as TC's.

Ciao tutti.

* Probably because Peter hasn't turned up to tell his jokes yet.

** Robert will more likely now bring up things on Google to prove me wrong.

Understanding the Holy Trinity.

 Okay, I was informed recently that, if you're baptized a Catholic, you can never cancel that baptism and, if you don't play the game, you're a heretic. I admit that I'm getting pretty old and I'm not going to live forever so I thought that maybe I should try to make it into Heaven. Heaven's a big place and I can probably avoid Mr. Linford and Brother Benedict (if he's there). However, I do have a few questions that I need to get cleared up. I've heard of people, within the church, called Catholic Apologists. From what I've heard of them, they don't seem to spend much time apologizing but, rather, talking fast and using big words. Then I heard of another group called Catholic Guessers and I was lucky enough to get in touch with one of them named Tent Horn.

Tent kindly agreed to come onto Richard's Bass Bag* and, I suppose, guess.

Richard (of RBB): Thanks for coming in for a chat Mr. Horn.

Tent Horn: Hi Richard of Richard's Bass Bag, please call me Tent.

Richard (of RBB): And please call me Richard. I'm not getting any younger, I've had a few little health niggles lately. Burning forever after death, if Catholics are correct, doesn't seem like a lot of laughs. I thought that it might be wise, sort of like an insurance policy, to look into getting into Heaven. It seems that, to achieve this goal, I have to stop, or avoid, being a heretic. I was told that I'm stuck with a status that was imposed upon me when I was newly born. I was baptized a Catholic. There's evidently no way out of that. So, my only hope is to come to terms with Catholic teaching and return to the faith. Here's a question, do other religions make it into Heaven?

Tent Horn: Mmmm, good question. A lot of religions think they're going to finish up in Heaven. Some men even believe that they'll be presented with 72 celestial virgins for blowing themselves up. That sounds like a very good deal! Presbyterians think they're going there too, and Baptists. I don't think so because Catholicism is the only true religion.

Richard (of RBB): Okay, and I assume that Taliban men won't have a shit show! Let's get down to business. I just have one question for today. Catholics call their god the one true god, but there are three entities packed into that one god. A father, a son and one guy or girl called the Holy Ghost. I think that last one's name got changed to Holy Spirit - maybe someone translated it wrongly?

In pictures one of them looks like a bird. When I was young, and in Catholic schools, they often told us that mere mortals don't have the intelligence to really understand this. Can you explain this 'three people in one god' thing?

Tent Horn: Okay, let me think for a second or two. [about a minute passes] Okay, have you ever been out driving, only to find a big black ute following you really closely?

Richard (of RBB): Yes.

Tent Horn: Well, that big black ute is much more powerful than your little car. There is no way you can outrun it. Absolutely no way. It either passes you or it stays up your bum. That big black ute is like God. Who is driving it? God the Father. Who else would be in charge? Who is sitting in the front passenger seat? God the Son. The Holy Spirit would be fluttering around near the back seat. That big black ute is the shell that holds the trinity together. Do you understand?

Richard (of RBB): Yes. That actually makes sense - god is like a big black ute. Thanks Tent. You obviously know your business, and you don't try to confuse with big words. Just a thought, why are so many clergy paedophiles?

Tent Horn: Well, I guess that they've got to be somewhere. At least we don't have to put up with woman priests. Some of them think they're in charge. Think about it, Jesus didn't have any female apostles.

Richard (of RBB): Maybe Jesus was gay? If you think about men who are in charge around the world at the moment, think North Korea, Russia, America, would women really do a worse job? 

Tent Horn: Well, Trump is making America great again. It's the way that God wants it. I don't see Him objecting. Remember that He made Adam first, and please don't go on about the belly buttons. Hey, it was Eve who led Adam astray. Would you really want to see a woman driving the big black ute?

Richard (of RBB): Thanks Tent. We'll wrap it up there for today. Is it really that hot in Hell?

* the original bass bagging site

Diabolus musica - The devil in music.

 Diabolus musica is also known as a tritone, an augmented 4th, or a flattened 5th.

Let's look at this interval happening between the notes E and Bb (A# is another name for the Bb note).

I've also named the notes C & G.

In the really old days this interval was called the devil in music because people didn't like the sound of it. It happens over three tones, which people called 'the holy trinity'. Looks like the devil had the holy trinity covered!

This interval became the best friend of Jazz and Blues musicians. In Jazz it's also called the #11 when it is placed above a chord. Personally, I find it to be the most exciting sound in Jazz.

In the above keyboard picture I outlined the notes for the chord C7 - C  E  G  Bb. Most Jazz musicians would probably agree that the E and Bb are the most colourful notes in this chord. When you're improvising over C7 it sounds really nice if you play these two notes. 

On the violin I often use these two notes as a double stopped (played on two strings) chord (C7 in this case).

It gives a great sound, AND sounds like the chord. The interesting thing is that there is a tritone between each note, so it doesn't matter which way around you place the notes.

E  * | *  * | *  Bb

Bb * | *  * | *  E

*  * represents two semitones = a tone (so does Bb  * or *  E)

I hope you found that interesting.

Have fun but don't use just root notes in your solo.

Okay, moving right along.

 Today we're going to 'give the floor' to a blogger who has been in our blogging circle since around 2009.

Please give a warm welcome to The The The Guy!

"The The thank you and The The thank you to The The Richard's Bass Bag* for The The giving me this The The opportunity. Don't The The forget that The The it's because of The The 'The Bag' The The that I The The took up the The The double bass The The The The quite a few The The years ago. 

I The The read briefly The The this morning The The that The The Rob, as The The he's The The called now, The The is pleased The The The The that the The The American President has come The The out The The against The The transgender people The The The The The The. I guess The The that it The The won't be The The long before he The The comes out The The against people The The like me - The The with speech The The impediments and The The other things The The The The.

I'll keep The The this The The short because The The I do realise The The that The The it can be a The The bit of The The a chore The The to read what The The The The I have The The written.

Thanks The The for The The your tolerence The The. See The The you soon The The on the The The blogs."

Thanks for your thoughts, The The The Guy. We're also very lucky to have the son of God here today.

Please give a big welcome to Angry Jesus!

"Yeah, hi. I'll get straight to the point. If you don't repent, you're going to Hell for eternity. It's that simple. Hey, I'm not your friend, I'm the bloody Son of God - with a capital S. Remember that, with a little help from The Holy Ghost, Me and Dad are running things, and you know that Dad is not adverse to wiping out massive amounts of people. Read your bloody bible!

I find reading The The The Guy annoying. All the 'Thes' should be edited out before his thoughts are published. I know that some bloggers like Rob and The Curmudgeon aren't big on editing or proofreading, but I expected more from Richard's Bass Bag.**

Mr. Trump wouldn't put up with all that stuttering, that's for damn sure! Dad said that he's reserved him a prime spot in Heaven, when the time comes. We do have people in Heaven who need a bit of straightening out too. St. Peter would be one of them.

"By the way, he's no relation
to that blogger with the same name."

He sits near the damn entrance to Heaven and thinks he's in charge of everything. Me and Dad call him Pete, just to piss him off. Pius twat!

Well, I'm off now. It's coffee time. It's more peaceful up here while everyone is at Mass.

See you later.

Oh, and have fun but, if you sin, you'll burn."

That's it for today. Gosh, we are getting quite a wide range of opinions.

Ciao tutti.

* the original the the bass bagging site the the

**the original bass bagging site

It seems that things are 'back to normal' around the blogs.

 But, there again, what is normal?

I won't give a breakdown here. Just use our LINKS service to have a look. You'll notice that a few links (like The Blue Guy) are gone. 

However, to help some of our quieter links 'resurface' we're going to feature them on Richard's Bass Bag.* To get things going, today we'd like to feature that ever popular Aucklander Phillip Edward Nis and that connoisseur of the arts Akish the Philistine.

Let's kick off with Phillip.

"Hi all and a big welcome from Auckland. It's good to see that things are settling down a bit around the blogs. I know that I've been a bit quiet, blogging wise, lately but I can assure you that you'll be hearing more from me in future. I can almost see those smiles on all your faces! Yes, I can! I have been looking around the blogs but I've also been busy giving lectures on such topics as Good Taste, How To Make Your Name Stand Out In A Crowd, Hi, I'm Phillip Edward and Let's Take A Cruise To Pen Island. 

These lectures have been very popular in the big city, and I have also done some further north. I must admit that Whangarei was a bit of a flop but, hey, that's Whangarei. They set me up in a tennis club and I was asked to talk about Good Taste. I think a lot of punters were disappointed because they thought it was going to be about different things you could have for breakfast. I did point a lot of them towards The Curmudgeon's blog, but they didn't seem keen. One punter even called out, "Send him back to Wellington!" I guess you can't please everybody.

I'll sign off there for today, but you definitely will be hearing more from me!

Have fun and don't hold back for silly religious reasons."

Now let's hear from Akish.

"Yeah, hi. The last post I wrote was last year. I called it 'Church art makes me fart'. You can reread it by using the LINKS service on this blog.

Today I'd like to talk about abstract art.

Actually, for abstract art, this one isn't too bad. Some abstract paintings are real shit - like sending a cellist in to do the job of a double bassist. Christ! The first thing an abstract artist needs to do is forget how to paint or draw. Then he can just throw paint at the canvas.

One good thing about churches is that they don't usually have abstract art. Imagine if the abstract example above was labelled, "Mary ascends into Heaven." Is that Mary standing on the right hand side of a glass door? Hardly ascending. Maybe it's a lift?

Okay, that's it from me for today. Keep an eye on my blog if you want to hear the real facts about the arts.

Have fun but stay away from abstract art galleries." 

Well, that opened your eyes to the exciting bloggers that we will be presenting here for your reading pleasure!

Ciao tutti.

* the original bass bagging site

Update time.

 Yes, the Prodigal Son has returned, and we've (kindly) put him back on our LINKS list. 

The Curmudgeon (not his real name) is still there as well.

Now I'll write some bullshit.

Rob, we're soooo happy to have you back! We, at RBB, love you!

Peter, what would life on the blogs be like without you? Oh, yes, and we love you too!*

Don't get too excited about the 'love you' bits. It's just for marketing - just like it is in the Catholic Church.

* It'd be a mystery what you have for breakfast, and we wouldn't have a clue about your knowledge of Mrs. Palmer.

I'm feeling careless this morning.

This morning I woke to find that Robert has been sniveling around TC's blog and it appears that he has set up a blog again. Doesn't look like his move to Facebook was a resounding success. 

From Robert's 'new' blog.
It is good to see him supporting
the LGBTQ community.

I also saw that Peter was reading me the riot act.

If you read Peter's (aka The Curmudgeon) comment, you will see that
he didn't proofread. You can also see, in my reply, that I offered both
Peter and Mr. Wilde the chance for sex and travel.

From memory, my blog kicked off in 2007 (though I could be wrong) and I don't remember pleading with either boy old man to join me. When Robert decided to delete all his comments on my blog, and his blog, to see if his thoughts could be popular on Facebook, there was no mention of, "Oh, but I love you, Richard." He simply fucked off. There were no goodbyes. Now it looks like he's playing the part of the Prodigal Son.

Now Peter is feeling superior. He who posts about what he had for breakfast and his blue glove. Exciting stuff! AND he doesn't waste his valuable time proofreading! 

Peter added another comment after my reply.

Well,

with friends like these, who needs enemies?

I'm glad I'm feeling careless this morning.

Blue stockings - no metronome mark here!

 TC's latest post is a solitary picture.

He seems to have a thing about blue stockings. Is this what happens if you spend too much time with a tradie?

"Hey Peter, what's your
favourite coloured stockings?
Show me."

I guess that this is the sort of thing that tradies talk about on the job and what they think about while they're waiting for the apprentice to get the wood. It may have been inspired when Peter turned up to work wearing one glove.

The boys probably soon shared a Mrs. Palmer joke or two. It would have grown from there. Ah, boys, when they are on their own and in boys' territory! I guess that Peter had to preserve his boys' dignity and just couldn't let the joke die. Ron the handyman would have felt at home. Male bonding at work.