How to have a discussion.

 

When two people are exchanging views there are four possible outcomes:

• Person A is correct.
• Person B is correct.
• Both people made some good points, but neither is completely correct.
• Both people are talking shit.

In a discussion (sometimes called an argument), either consciously or unconsciously, different techniques are sometimes used.

1) Talk fast and loudly and don't let the other person get a word in.

2) Use big, obscure words and take a condescending attitude. Talk as if you know you have superior knowledge.

3) Make your side of the discussion sound like it is scientific and logical when it is really based on a few foggy thoughts. 

* * *

Phillip stood behind the counter in an empty church shop.

It was early and the congregation wouldn't start showing up for about another fifteen minutes. Phillip was a thinking kind of guy and thinking was exactly what he was doing now. Normally he would be back in Auckland at his Presbyterian church, but he had become curious about what he had heard referred to as 'the one true church'. So, while staying with his aging mum in Hutt City*, he'd attended a few services at this particular Catholic church. 

One of the parish priests, Father Dekcuf, had been quite chatty and had invited him to help out in the church shop. Phillip thought that it might be a way to get to know some locals, so here he was - a Presbyterian running a church shop in a Catholic church. He wondered if there were any Catholics who did things in Presbyterian churches. 

Father Dekcuf arrived and poked his head around the door which led into the church shop.

"Hello Mr. Nis. You're bright and early!"

"Please call me Phillip, or Phillip Edward if you like. I was just wondering about what makes this church different from a Presbyterian church."

"Graven images for a start." said Father Dekcuf. "We like to refer to our church as the one true church."

"And how do you think Presbyterians feel about that?"

"Well, their churches are bare rooms which sort of tells you that Jesus is not present."

"Maybe Jesus is a minimalist?" Phillip suggested.

"No, the difference is transubstantiation." Father Dekcuf butted in.

"What is that?" Phillip asked.

"The conversion of the substance of the Eucharistic elements into the body and blood of Christ at consecration, with only the appearances of bread and wine still remaining."

"But how do you know that?" asked Philip.

"I'm a very educated priest and have read everything on the subject. You will learn these facts if you study the one true faith."

"But doesn't the word faith imply a bit of a guess?"

"I was just thinking that you have a bit of an unfortunate name Mr. Nis. If you put the initials of your two Christian names in front of your surname... well, it spells out a part of the male body."

"Yes, I know, it's a bit like that old joke where someone refers to Pen Island and then the two words get adjusted a bit."

"Well, I must be off and get dressed for mass. No need to thank me for the free lesson on Catholicism."

Phillip thought about their discussion. He couldn't quite see how Father Dekcuf had managed to come out on top, or, at least, to think that he had. Phillip walked out of the one true church and headed down to the nearest coffee shop. One, he needed a coffee and, two, it seemed like a more reasonable place to think. Don't forget that Phillip is a thinking kind of guy.

* real name Lower Hutt