I read this somewhere recently...

"I'd rather be a naive member of the elect than a calumnious member of the damned."

Calumnious?

Adjective: In a statement this word means false and defamatory; slanderous.

I assume that this statement might be about atheists.

"I'd rather be a slightly thick member of the chosen than a bloody atheist who is going to Hell to burn forever."

I guess that a slightly thick member of the chosen would be following along blindly and doing whatever he was told.

"It's a good idea to tell atheists that you love them. That will really get them confused!"

Okay, time to hear from God.

"Okay, first thing, why do you always represent me as being old? Please understand that I DO NOT AGE! This is more like how I look...

Okay, okay, I don't need the gun but, if I did, I could change water into a gun. My representatives on Earth tell you that you have to have faith and believe that I exist. I think that it's time to get past all this nonsense. I will prove my existence. 

As from tomorrow, New Zealand time and starting at midnight, I will make all guns, missiles, tanks and other war equipment useless. Guns will not fire, anywhere in the world, missiles will just sit on their launch pads like the posts of a fence. All knife blades will be like very soft rubber. Can I really do all this? Not a problem for an almighty God like myself. 

Let me tell you that those 'calumnious' atheists have shown much more sense than you silly Catholics and believers in other gods and they will be rewarded!  I'm replacing that silly old pope with an atheist lady and you WILL be expected to listen to her! Come on! I won't be sending anyone to anything like Hell! Who do you think I am? Satan? And, talking of Satan, let's give Lucifer a break. He's a nice guy. We were only fooling around with that 'war of the angels' thing. 

Okay, open your eyes tomorrow morning and you'll see a few changes that will show you I am real. All those really bad diseases? Gone. Global warming? Gone. However, I will have to teach you all a few lessons. Especially the Catholic clergy. We're going to make this world a nicer place to live in. Hey, and don't worry about going to church. I'll fix it so that I can appear to you on your phone. 

Lastly, I'd like to thank this wonderful blog, Richard's Bass Bag*, for giving me a chance to speak to you without all that Catholic ceremony with men wearing dresses and watching altar boys get changed. I should make it compulsory for everyone to read this blog or get a mortal sin added to their life history, but we've got to get away from all that nonsense. Anyway, this blog is the nearest thing I have to a church. And, just for the record, I had nothing to do with writing that silly bible. Enjoy tomorrow."

* the original bass bagging site

A quote from Peter 72:8.

 Peter 72:8

Jesus called out to Judas (who was still in favour at this time), "What is that? It looks like a pit full of rum."

Judas replied, "That's what we call a rum pit. You see, those barrels are full of rum"

"No, no, no." retorted Jesus, "Rum, rum... Drum... Trum... I was thinking of a trumpet. Silly me. Trumpet. Can we give that a mention in the bible?"

Peter was standing nearby. "Sure." he answered. "A trumpet will save many situations many years from now. See what you think of this idea. In the southern lands a man named Richard picked up his trumpet. He was cold because there was no source of power in his dwelling. He held it up as an act of defiance against being cold and being without light. He blew a G, the second lowest harmonic on the trumpet. He held onto the note and was making it long when he became aware of another sound. Electric appliances (these will be invented much later) were 'coming on' and a little twirly electronic sound became audible like it was accompanying the trumpet. Richard tried a light switch (these are coming later too, for those who do not sin) and a light lit up. A miracle! A miracle caused by the trumpet. Richard knelt down and said, "Thanks be to the trumpet!""

"Isn't he supposed to thank me?" asked Jesus, looking a bit pissed off.

"We can write that in later." said Peter.

Dad jokes rule.

 My daughter has been away (Nelson) for work and said, regarding getting to work this morning, "I won't be rushin'."

I asked her if she would be Ukranian.

Robert laughs.

Our electricity is supposedly being turned off this morning and will be (could be) off until 5pm. Thank goodness that the three instruments I practise are all acoustic (trumpet, violin, double bass). Imagine if I was still practising bass guitar! 

Shelley and I intend to spend time in Wellington. They have coffee there, and heating. 

Robert's mate, whose name is similar to Tent Horn, tells us that il papa has fucked up again.

Evidently, he said something to the effect that there is only one god and that other religions sort of believe in the same entity. The guy whose name sounds like Tent was not impressed. Use the LINK on this blog (Tent Horn) to get to Rob's blog and check it out. Sounds like the Catholics might be squabbling among themselves.

I did two hours of practice yesterday - one hour on double bass and one on violin (which included half an hour on Project Violin 100). I also did about ten minutes on the trumpet. My goal is to do two hours (almost) every day. On both the string instruments I include practice on what I consider to be 12 vital things (especially for playing jazz). These 12 vital things include playing over m7b5 chords, a Coltrane diminished run, ways of using the rising form of the melodic minor scale over dominant 7th. chords and playing certain scales in all keys. 

I also do about ten minutes on the trumpet every day.

That's it from me for this morning.

Ciao tutti.

It's snowing in Wainuiomata!

 

Tennis was cancelled

And Peter sent home,

He did a quick blog post and

Went for a roam,

To somewhere up north

From elsewhere up north,

That was just a starter,

It's snowing in Wainuiomata.

You've got the heat pump on, right?

The rain's turning white.

All our hands turning cold,

It doesn't help that we're old.

Up north, where they dress in less

Old Pete's a bit restless.

He feels just like a martyr but

It's snowing in Wainuiomata.

Okay, okay, it's not really snowing in Wainuiomata, just heavy rain and hail and very cold.

Sorry to waste your time.

Jam time.

 

Four of the 5 musos present. Fran was also there, and the other muso doesn't like being in videos. Fair enough.

There were quite a few blues in E - the guitarists (2 of them) seemed to like that key. Blue Drag got played in A minor. We played Sweet Georgia Brown in G. Rob played drums. Fran sang. That's about it.

Oh yeah, and I didn't wear my hat, though we did do a few choruses of Get a Haircut, Pete.

Chorus

Going through clouds and sun,

Tramping through rain and sleet,

Keep that old boy on his feet.

Get a haircut Pete.

Silly hat competition.

 Contestant one:

Contestant two:

Notice the hair.

Hair's your chance to pick the winner.

Just leave a comment.

Silly Hat.

 In this world full of complexities one thing, one little thing, is clear.

Peter (aka The CurMUDgeon) does not like my new hat.

Well, he keeps mentioning his distaste for it.

Really, it's not the end of the world.

It looked like someone had pulled the plug on a huge hand basin. The water in Whangarei harbour was dropping in level rather quickly. Peter was standing on his deck. He'd gone out to inspect some wind damage.

Not the end of the world either?

A chair had been blown over by a sudden wind burst and now he could see that the harbour was draining. He also noticed that the sky was turning red and this redness was eclipsing the sun. There was a strange rumbling that seemed to be coming from the distant hills. Would the water come rushing back, like a tsunami, to wash his house off its foundations? This felt like THE END OF THE WORLD!

In the brief time that this assumption took to take over his thoughts, and the reality started to set in, there was no time to think, or be cynical, about Richard's hat. If Peter had had time to realize that, I'm sure he would have seen the pointlessness of his obsession, but no time for that now! A huge wave was forming. Big enough to block out the mountain range that was a distant part of his everyday view. 

No place to run, no place to hide. No time to wonder if Richard was wearing his new hat.

Sabato.

 I just read an article that says that 'il papa' is telling American Catholics how to vote. 

What he seems to be saying is vote to protect immigrants OR to stop abortions. In the end it sounds like he might see abortion as the biggest 'wrong'. 

Will Catholics follow his advice? Probably.

Trump is anti-migration, and Harris wants to change the abortion laws. 

Will the Catholics take it that they must go with Trump?

Holy Moses!

On a slightly brighter note, I played at a school concert last night. This expedition to play on one orchestral tune took up four hours. I was helping out the guys playing 4th. violin. There were three of us - two students and me. I couldn't see the music because my eyes aren't the best these days (I'm also finding it hard driving at night, especially in wet weather) and there was only one copy. What a waste of time that was! I'll have an excuse next time.

Tomorrow is Prowse Jam time. There have been emails going back and forth about a tune called Blue Drag. It has become a bit of a drag. Oops, that was a Peter style pun. Sorry. I don't know what else we're playing but it will be nice to catch up with everyone. 

Today, for me, is a day with no plans. Ah well, there's always a trip to the supermarket. 

I hope Rob's Sue is doing okay - she had a fall yesterday. I think I'll give him a ring.

"Ta ta for now." as people used to say in the old days.

I'd better do some violin practice so that I can keep up with the bros tomorrow. Maybe they'll put me on 4th. violin? Anyway, I can always wear Peter's favourite hat.

Richard's Bass Bag*, where you'll find the best jokes!

 Shelley said to me this morning, among other things, "They're expecting snow down south."

I replied, "That's like putting on a show."

She replied, "How come?"

I replied, "Snow business like show business."

Robert laughs.

Listen HERE.

Okay, okay, I'm not going to use up all my fabulous jokes at once. That'll have to do you for today.

It's a wet morning in Wainuiomata, where the girls are smarter.

Talking about girls, my daughter turns 40 in a couple of weeks. She's throwing a party and wants people to dress with a bit of style.

No problem for me.

After all, Style is my middle name!

The hat cost $6 at Pete's Emporium. It said on the label, "Size fits most."

At speech time I'm going to tell the story of the song I wrote called 'Nefanie'.

Nefanie was her first attempt, as a little one, to say her name, Stephanie.

HERE.

When she was a teenager, we were living in Tauranga. One morning I was doing some bass practice and she came out to sit in front of the heater. It was a cold morning. I was practising her tune. I said to her, "I wrote this tune for you."

She thought for a moment and then replied, "One of these mornings, if you don't shut up, someone's going to break that bass."

True story.

Well, I'll leave you there for today. I've heard that Peter intends to write a post this morning. I'll go and have a look.

Ciao.

* the original bass bagging site

Free will and Satan.

 Robert admires a Catholic apologist, named Trent Horn*, who likes to use big arguments to prove that Catholics are correct in their beliefs**. Okay, let's take a look at God's number one enemy - Satan.

Hey, Satan has got a belly button! Why?

Okay, God creates the angels. Let's assume that he gives them free will so that, if they fuck up, it's their own fault. Remember, if He doesn't give them free will, God is responsible for whatever they do.

Now you must remember that God is all knowing and therefore sees the future (which, incidentally, must make His 'life' a bit boring). As He is about to make the angel Lucifer, he knows what Lucifer's fate will be - Hell forever***. Wouldn't a kind, loving God think, "Ah, look, I just won't make him." Remember that He knows how much Lucifer will suffer. 

Anyway, Lucifer rebels and tries to defeat God. This is an impossible task, and not a fair fight, because God can do anything - He's always going to win. It's like the All Blacks playing a primary school rugby team. Hey, no mean jokes about the ABs!

Make no mistake, God is responsible for Lucifer's (now known as Satan) actions. He just won't own up to it.

I'd really like to hear Robert's views on this - if he reads it.

Back to do some more practice.

Ciao.

* No relation to Tent Horn.

** Though the word 'belief' suggests a guess.

*** Well, at least he will be in charge.

Project Violin 100 update.

 After a lot of squabbling, it appears that the old blogging boys are all falling in love with each other, so I thought I'd better change the subject. I mean, next thing we'll all be moving into bedrooms in The Vatican!

* * *

I'm about a month and a half into Project Violin 100.

Today I will have completed 20 hours of the 100 hour project. I know it doesn't sound like a lot, but there are lots of other things I need to practise too. However, I can tell you that those 20 hours are very concentrated and full on. Slow, repetitive practice is an important part of proceedings. Also, a lot of thinking and planning is going on away from the instrument, the time spent on this does not get recorded. Little advances are seen, advances that will add up nearer the end of the project. At least, I hope they will.

* * *

I've checked Rob's blog. He has proved, beyond any doubt, that atheists are wrong in their beliefs. Actually, atheists don't have beliefs to be wrong about. He challenges readers to read a link to some Catholic apologist. I started to look at it but was interrupted by Shelley. Maybe I'll try again later.

Actually, I'll have a quick look at it now.

Be right back.

Back.

Here's the Catholic apologist's opening shot.

I guess that the opening idea is that 'Whatever begins to exist has a cause'. Seems true.

Then we find out that the universe has a cause. Seems logical.

Then we get a picture of how science thinks the universe started.

Well, that one has got to be a theory.

Then he starts talking about some hotel.

This is a bit naughty of me, but at that point I started to get restless because I have practice (and other things) to do.

I'll try and watch the rest of it some other time.

Ciao for now. Practice calls.

It probably would have been better if the Catholic apologist got to the point quicker.

And now for the dessert!

 

"YOU'LL MISS ME WHEN I'M GONE".

What a cracker post from The Curmudgeon!

Firstly, a beautiful quote from his mother and then a very appropriate joke.

How can other bloggers compete with this genius?

He finishes off with a shot at his aging opposition.

Brilliant.

I bet that Rob is rethinking his posts.

The Curmudgeon's post? Short but brilliantly short!

God might have got it wrong when making Satan, but he certainly succeeded with Peter.

Maybe it's time for the Holy Trinity
to become a foursome?

The Desert.

 

Peter had simply run out of steam.

Obviously, Richard (of RBB) was a lot younger than Peter and still in full flight, having set up his first blog in 2007. The other two boys followed his lead. Rob(ert) was younger too and was an agent for the Roman Catholic church, a church that Peter had stolen communion hosts from in earlier days.

Back in those days, Peter had been a star in the St. Patrick's College soccer team - maybe because he wasn't grossly overweight and all four of his limbs still worked. 

Now (2024) the little blogging community was in trouble. 

Peter was off falling down banks at his local golf club and picking fights at the tennis club. Robert was rewriting the scriptures and chatting up Joseph's wife.

Richard (of RBB) was left to keep the whole blogging community afloat - nothing new there.

So how did Richard (of RBB) manage to survive all this mayhem?

Simple.

He had a project - Project Violin 100.

Neither of the boys had inside information about what he was really up to.

Peter thought that it was something to do with bagpipes. Robert wondered if he was practising to play in church. 

WRONG ON BOTH COUNTS!

Maybe it was time to guide the boys? 

I'll keep you informed.

A senior moment.

 

"Hi Mrs. Walker. We've had a busy morning so far."

"Yes, I've noticed that. That was a great sermon by Father Thomas about rosary beads. I've decided to get some, my old ones are somewhere at home but I'm not sure where I left them."

"That's not good, they should always be kept close by. Did you want to try the new 'Straight To Mary' model? It has two extra decades."

"No, just the standard model will do, but I might grab a scapular too."

"Sure, would you like the monastic or the devotional scapular?"

"Devotional please. Hey, what was that big word you used to describe Father Thomas the other day? It began with 'P'."

"Big word? Oh, yes, that. It just means that he's very keen to spend time with young boys. Not a big deal. The bishops like to keep people like him moving around different parishes, so I guess the hierarchy of the church approves of them - I guess they want to give everyone a go. One set of standard rosary beads and a devotional scapular. That will be fourteen shillings. Yes, I know they're not cheap, but they'll almost guarantee you a place in Heaven."

"Thank you, Tent."

"Hello, young sir, how can I help you?"

"I'd like a copy of Man."

"Ah, well, that was one of our committee member's ideas. We only got a few in and they're quite expensive at four shillings."

"I'll take one, thanks."

"And do you want change for the condom machine?"

"No, thank you, sir. I'm a good Catholic boy."

* * *

Yes, Tent Horn Senior certainly put a lot of time and effort into his church. Especially on a Sunday.

This was, indeed, one of his senior moments!

Sunday with Tent Horn Senior.

 

1950

Sunday was always a special day for Tent and he always attended the three Sunday masses at his Wellington church. 7am, 8.30am and 10am. However, today was a special day because he had organised the opening of a church shop.

Tent had always been one of those guys who passed the plate around. He'd suggested to the church committee that, with a small shop, they could make a lot more money.

The conversation went something like this:

Committee member 1: But what would we sell? Altar wine? Things to stop our girls getting pregnant?

Tent Horn Senior: I love you Ted. No, we'd sell things like holy pictures, rosary beads and maybe some plenary indulgences. Flowers could go well too.

Committee member 2: That 'Man' magazine is very popular with the young guys. We'd make quite a few quid if we added some of them.

Tent Horn Senior: I love you Patrick. No. If we promote rosary beads during the sermon, I reckon we'd make a killing. Also, we tell the congregation that wearing a holy picture in your shirt pocket, or inside your blouse, gives you extra protection from Satan.

Committee member 3: I'm with you Tent. Do you love me too?

Tent Horn Senior: Yes Brent, but only if you're not a homosexual.

Committee member 4: I think Father Thomas might be one of those. Have you seen the way he watches the boys when they're changing into their altar boy outfits?

Tent Horn Senior: No Mrs. Walker, Father Thomas is just a paedophile. That's different.

The church shop was quite a success. Tent Horn Senior was a smart guy who just continued to do good things for the church.

Tent Horn - The Back Story.

 

Okay, you're probably aware by now, that the blogger formally known as Roberto, and Rob, now goes by the name Tent Horn.

Tent Horn Junior with his superior, il capo.

Notice how I added 'junior' to his name, because there was a Tent Horn Senior.

Tent Horn Senior.

Come on, you can't miss the resemblance!

Tent Horn Senior was a Catholic Apologist who was at his peak around 1950. 

He did a lot of work to keep women in their place. His catch phrase was, "Abortion is legal murder. We, older men, must take charge of their bodies!"

For Tent Horn Snr., his first name was a sign that men provided a house (for wife and family) and his surname was what made a family possible. Mr. Horn was a devout Catholic. We, at Richard's Bass Bag*, hope to give you, in further posts, an insight into his teachings. 

Stay tuned.

* the original bass bagging site

Saturday morning and nothing to write about.

 Well, let's just start writing and see where we go.

I might pop up to Paraparaumu today to see an old friend. That'll mean a trip down the Kapiti Expressway. I see that Mr. Seemore (deliberate spelling mistake) is going to increase the speed on it to 110km/h. Hey, Seemore, most cars are doing that already, and huge trucks aren't far behind that speed! There was a crash recently (not in Kapiti) where a truck, no doubt speeding along, blew a tyre and crashed through the wire fence in the middle of the road and killed three people. 

The speed limit for trucks and vehicles towing is presently 90km/h. What does Seemore plan to do to this limit? It is very seldom that I see a big truck, or a vehicle towing a trailer, observing this limit.

As they say in those posters beside some roads, "The faster you go, the bigger the mess."

That's just basic physics.

I really need a picture about now to maintain reader interest. Here goes.

By the way, on the very unlikely chance that you want to read Roberto's blog, it is on our LINKS service under the name Tent Horn.

Roberto has an idol with a similar name but I assure you that I'm not referring to him. Think about it, how many people are called Simon Smith or Johnny Brown?

The name seems to suit Roberto (who is not Italian) so I think I'll start referring to him as Tent.

Tent is amused.

For some reason Tent's latest post is about Nepal. Okay, there's absolutely nothing wrong with that, I guess he's just being original. His Sunday post might be about nudist camps or the Mexican Airforce. Your guess is as good as mine. Good on Tent, I suppose, for being original.

Poor OLD Peter will still be trying to make his house respectable before his boss comes home. Boss? Yes, let's be honest, in a relationship women are generally the boss. I know that I'm certainly not the boss around here. I'm more like a handyman. I do the lawns, cook dinner and clean the spouting. I also check the oil in all the cars (there are three in our drive). I do still get my little rewards, so it's worth it.

Well, I'm not doing too bad for someone who had nothing to say. 

As it turns out, I won't be popping up to Paraparaumu today. That's all good. I'll get to avoid Mr. Seemore's speeding vehicles.

"I'm getting some glasses so I can see more.
Especially when I'm driving at 120km/h
on the Kapiti Expressway."

120km/h?

Well, that's it for this morning.

同一天晚些时候——星期五。

大家好。

好吧，彼得已经发帖了，但是罗伯托的最新消息似乎已经消失了。

我想知道男孩们是否愿意花时间翻译这个？

我确信彼得会抱怨，而且罗伯特不经常在这个博客上发表评论。

这是他们每个人的照片。

罗伯托

彼得

再见。再见。

Venerdì

Ho pensato che avrei potuto scrivere questo post in italiano perché al momento non ho molti lettori. Roberto scrive cose strane sul suo blog. Quanto era bello Gesù?

E perché foto dal Canada?

Più grande di quello di Roberto.

Nessuna novità da parte di Pietro.

Tra il dire e il fare c'e` di mezzo il mare.

Beh, ma tutto bene.

Ciao tutti.