The League of Representatives.

 The Curmudgeon* has just written a post about 'characters' found on different blogs. He wrote a blog post that sort of fizzled out. We at Richard's Bass Bag** thought that it might be interesting to get some of the entities together around a table. 

We asked the following, who accepted...

• Phillip Edward Nis (chairperson)
• The Curmudgeon's - Agony Aunt
• The Holy Ghost
• Angry Jesus
• The Wine Guy
• Satan
• The The The Guy
• The Aluminum Foil Curmudgeon
• God (last but not least)

Phillip Edward Nis: Welcome everyone and thanks for coming. The Curmudgeon, the guy some of you refer to as Toe Knee, often seems to take pot shots at people who contribute to the three main blogs around here. He calls them, people like us, various things like alter egos, imaginary friends and extensions of The Curmudgeon's persona. Personally, I find him rather insulting but today I'd like to hear your views. Who'd like to start.

God: I'll go first, since I actually made The Curmudgeon. I guess you could call him one of my imaginary friends, though I think he's off to spend more time with you Satan. Actually, I'm the one who made you all. Remember I started with Adam. He asked me for a cute partner. I told him that would cost an arm and a leg, so he asked, "What could I get for a rib?"

The The The Guy: But The The why did you The The The The give him The The and Eve a The The belly button?

Satan: Good point stutter guy! Long before I fluffed up God always knew that I would. There seem to be some bigger issues here than a few alter egos! Actually, I'm getting sick of running Hell. Maybe Toe Knee would like to take over?

Angry Jesus: Hey, I wouldn't mind a crack at organising those sinners! You could send me a lot more down from Heaven. I'd certainly like a crack at Mr. Linford!

The Wine Guy: I'd want to get my hands on that guy who made the first Cleanskin!

The Curmudgeon's - Agony Aunt: Give it a rest Wine Guy. You go on about that, and chilled red wine, all the bloody time! My advice to you is get a life.

The Holy Ghost: Well, for me, it's always 'and The Holy Ghost'. I'm supposed to be part of a team of three but I'm always the afterthought, "In the name of the Father, and of the Son..." Then I finally get a mention. In a democratic Heaven everyone would get a turn at going first.

The Aluminum Foil Curmudgeon: Don't you all see that we have a conspiracy on our hands here? Toe Knee Hand Cock always needs to be the centre of attention. That's why he gives Robert such a hard time. He thinks that God and Mary get too much attention. How many times do you see my posts given centre stage? It's a bloody conspiracy! Remember how rude he was to you, Phillip?

Phillip Edward Nis: Yes, I certainly do! Ha, ha, I like your nickname for him! Toe Knee Hand Cock. Four parts of his body that are still waiting their turn.

The Curmudgeon's - Agony Aunt: Yes, I'd love to get him talking to me, but he never listens. I don't really get what he means but, every time I try to give him advice, he says, "I'm the one who was in 3P!"

God: I got him into that class and all he did was steal hosts from my church. How many people missed out on transubstantiation because of his greed?

Angry Jesus: But you knew he would let you down, just like poor old Satan!

God: Still, I give everyone a chance to get saved. Okay, I admit it's a bit harder for some people who got born in places like India or North Korea. Hey, that's life.

Phillip Edward Nis: I'm a thinking kind of guy and I do think that we're getting a bit off topic at times. To finish off, let me ask you all this... Is The Curmudgeon being sort of racist when he tries to deny you all the right to exist with dignity? Agony Aunt?

The Curmudgeon's - Agony Aunt: I certainly think that he should get off his high horse. He employs me to give advice and to speak words of wisdom, but he seems unable to take advice or criticism. I really think that this attitude is keeping his readership numbers down. 

Phillip Edward Nis: Thank you, and how about you, The Holy Ghost?

The Holy Ghost: In the name of The Holy Ghost, and of the Son, and of the Father. Amen.

Phillip Edward Nis: And for Mary's sake, Awomen. Angry Jesus?

Angry Jesus: Maybe we just need another great flood. Where the Hell is Noah these days? Ah, yes, laying around in Heaven. He's turned into a lazy bugger! I'll have him in Hell, if I get to take charge. I'll put him in a twin room with Toe Knee Hand Cock.

Phillip Edward Nis: The Wine Guy? Oops, he's asleep. Must be a bit pissed. Satan?

Satan: I'd just like a second chance. Okay, I made one mistake, a very long time ago. Maybe Toe Knee could do some posts that promote me? Really, I'm not a bad guy. Thanks for hearing me out. Most people don't.

Phillip Edward Nis: Pleasure Satan. You come across as quite a nice guy. Over to you The The The Guy.

The The The Guy: Sometimes The The people make The The fun of my The The The The disability, The The but I must say The The that TC The The  has been very The The nice to me, overall The The. 

Phillip Edward Nis: Well, that's a positive. You're next, The Aluminum Foil Curmudgeon.

The Aluminum Foil Curmudgeon: When I think of Tony Knee Hand Cock, I think of just one word. Conspiracy!

Phillip Edward Nis: Thanks TAFC. And, last but not least, let's hear from God, the Christian one.

God: Two words. God knows. 

Phillip Edward Nis: Deep, God. That's a good way to finish. Thanks everyone. Drive safely.

* Because of his propensity for injuring parts of his body, TC is 'affectionately' known, by some blog 'characters', as Toe Knee Hand Cock - four parts of his body yet to be seriously injured.

** the original bass bagging site