Easter Wetday and why spelling and proofreading are important.

Okay, you're a reader of blogs in this little community and there is one thing you will have noticed. Bloggers like Peter and Robert struggle with the concept of proofreading. The question I want you to ask yourself is... 

Is this lack of proofreading limited only to bloggers in this little community?

Take whoever wrote the Bible. It has been reported that whoever put pen to paper probably did so hundreds of years after events took place. Imagine if you were writing about events that happened in the 1700s. Would you really have all the facts at your disposal? Now imagine that you lived in the year 300. What would your education and, consequently, knowledge of grammar, in whatever language you were writing in, really be like?

I know, I know, Christians will probably say that their god wrote the Bible. Let's not go there right now. Let me remind you of a picture from my last post.

Pay particular attention to the door.

Were people of biblical times obsessed with wheels?

It seems they made a pretty good job of building this.

So, why couldn't they build a door like this?

Evidently Mary of Magdala was the person who found the door to the tomb rolled back after Jesus had supposedly kicked the bucket.

Maybe it really happened like this...

"Hi, I'm Mary of Magdala and I rolled the door open myself, otherwise how would I get in to check on Jesus? That door was heavy, but it did roll pretty easy. I wish they'd used their technology to build a square, or oblong, wooden door. Jesus wasn't there but that didn't really surprise me because it would have been cold in that tomb. I don't think he was dead. I think it was someone else up on that cross. Maybe Brian?"

Anyway, proofreading is important and important things do get lost in translation.

Take a look at this...

I left this comment.

Robert replied (after running my comment through Google Translate).

When I wrote the comment, I was thinking, "Between talking and doing there is the ocean."

Okay, Robert sort of got the idea from his translation, but it was not exactly what I was saying.

I wasn't saying anything about there being a lot of water, or someone going to the toilet. I was expressing the thought that there can be a big difference between what you say and what you do. Robert seems to have taken my saying too literally. I hope he sticks to cleaning and doesn't become a translator.

Ah well, I'm off to see my grandson - it's his birthday today.

Enjoy your Easter Wetday, though the day does seem to be improving.

Better Saturday.

 Also known as Cleanskin Saturday, Get Some More Wine Day, Open That Supermarket Saturday and Feels A Bit Like Sunday Saturday.

I read this in The Dribble this morning...

Brent 44,27: As was the custom, huge stones were used before doors were invented. Huge rolling stones.* People wondered, in a time when the wheel was in wide use, why was it so hard to think up a functional door? 

Come On, just get some wood and make a square frame.
We can worry about hinges later.

Hey, and what's this thing about not being able to buy wine on Friday and Monday? Who thought that up?

Bloody Easter!

If Christians want to have their celebrations and make nuisances of themselves at church every day, all fine with me, but why are atheists deprived of wine? Aotearoa is NOT a Christian church state. Luxon, unlike Trump, does not have his own Bible. Not yet anyway. Who, or what, gives someone the right to ban booze for two days? Why aren't all those people protesting in Parliament grounds about THIS?

FREEDOM!

Anyway, I don't know what all those Christians are getting hot under the collar about. Jesus comes back tomorrow. No big surprise there really. Roll The Stone Sunday. Jesus once turned water into wine. He said, "If anything bad ever happens to me, think cross, celebrate my return with wine. Look, I'm giving you a sign here."

"I hope you're all taking note. Let's call it Cleanskin.
Hey, I could be stopping a war somewhere or uninventing cancer,
 but I'm doing this for you! I'm saving your wedding from being
a dry affair. Let's remember this for the future. For those in the
future who will have to get through Easter celebrations."

Jacob 88, 45: The Lord preached the importance of wine in times of celebration. He particularly had Easter in mind.

There you go. Enjoy your trip to the supermarket today.

* Nothing to do with that Rock n Roll group.

Reasonably Okay Friday.

 All the Christians should be sad because Jesus is up on a cross.

Also, pubs and supermarkets are closed. Well, in some places you can get a drink in a pub if you buy a meal.

Mathew 17, 31: There will come a time when the purchase of Cleanskins will not be possible on this day and you must eat yesterday's food.

James 33,27: Anus was no longer in charge of whatever his job was. Choirfist, his daughter's boyfriend, was in charge now. He was the one who changed the fate of Sheesh! from home detention to standing on a plank with his hands up.

Phillip 44, 71: Anus wiped himself of it all and handed the call to Choirfist saying, "You build something if you want."

Choirfist, and there is evidence to support this, experimented with quite a few different structures. 

Evidence was found of this structure in 1993.

In the end he sort of lost interest and just nailed a couple of planks together. Choirfist was known as a lazy bugger.

Brent 55, 2: Choirfist, who went out with the daughter of Anus, was a lazy bugger who preferred to drink cheap wine.

Here is proof of everything I have told you:

Ian wrote about this in 1994. His writing was recommended by others. Matthew was quoted and so were many very wise men. The wooden structure found in 1993 has been examined by Destiny Church members. There were no rainbow crossings in those ancient times, so no white paint was needed. An ancient old book that contains all these truths (The Dribble) can be confirmed by various other sources, including members of the Taliban. History books will also confirm what I have written here, as will Act party members and some ex-prime ministers. Look, it's true even though some atheists don't like it. Atheists don't know what to believe and even make up their own morals. They won't be so smart when they finish up in Hell!

I don't know how many shepherds we have in Nuova Lazio, but one thing's for sure...

 They'll be shitting themselves this morning!

Yes, it is morning and the sky is like this.

I guess that all the shepherds in the area will be on the phone to each other by now.

"Hi Brett, it's Simon here. Have you looked out the window? It's not looking good at all!"

"Yeah Simon, the message is pretty bloody clear!"

"What a pity it couldn't happen at night! I love those evening sunsets. There's always a big celebration."

Palmy Sunday.

 Today is a special day in Palmerston North.

Today the good folk of Palmerston North celebrate Palmy Sunday.

Palm Sunday.

Richard, Peter and Robert sat together in the front row of Ss Peter and Paul's Catholic Church. What with plenary indulgences, well founded logical arguments and the offer of a few free hosts for Peter it seemed that Robert had been successful in winning the two aging boys over. Well, at least they were giving it a go.

All three old boys spied the Tabernacle.

Zanterbb had entered by a window in the same room that priests used to put on their frocks. Fortunately the door was open, so he had made his way into the main part of the church. He didn't really know what had attracted him into the building. There didn't seem to be much sign of food. Was it a call from God?

Peter was whispering in Robert's ear. "Do they keep them in that little golden cupboard?" Robert was politely smiling and nodded to affirm Peter's enquiry. "That's the Tabernacle, where God is."

Zanterbb tried to keep out of everyone's way as he looked for a method of escape. Most flies in this situation headed for a windowpane which they mistook for an open route to freedom. Zanterbb could see that all the windows here were filled with coloured glass.

Richard had to lean past Peter, who was in the middle, to ask Robert a question.

"When do we get these plenary indulgences? I've decided that I might want to catch up with Mr. Linford in Heaven."

Robert just smiled and nodded his head. Then he whispered. "Shhh! It's not that easy. The priest is coming and is about to say Mass."

Father Hatrick came out wearing his dress. As usual he seemed very happy.

As a joke, as he turned to face the flock, he held up one hand and stretched it open with his palm exposed. Peter looked confused. He'd flown down from the far north to be with his two mates on this special day, Palm Sunday. Was Father Hatrick making a joke? This raised palm was outside of what Robert had logically told him about church procedures.

Zanterbb buzzed around and members of the flock soon became aware of his presence. One of those guys who you always see standing at the back of a church produced a fly swat and started walking quietly along the side of the room. Richard turned around and saw what was unfolding. "Wasn't this insect one of God's creatures?" He wondered. At home he was required to catch insects and set them free outside.

Richard moved towards the man and called out, "Leave the fly alone! I'll get him out safely!"

Everyone was distracted and Father Hatrick felt like he had lost his audience. The guy with the fly swat looked like a stubborn old bugger. He continued to move towards Zanterbb. Robert watched on and worried that he might lose out on a chance to get plenary indulgences. Peter noticed that no one was watching or was near the Tabernacle. It had been a long while since he had tasted a good communion host. He moved very quietly towards the Tabernacle.

Zanterbb was not an idiot. He flew up towards the roof. The guy with the fly swat was not impressed by Richard's behaviour. He confronted Richard and told him, "Get out of God's house!"

Richard replied, "I thought you were in Heaven, Mr. Linford."

"The name's Linefort. Now get out. We don't need your sort in God's house."

Father Hatrick was not sure what to do. Perhaps it was time for a joke? He grabbed a nearby palm leaf and started to wave it. "This is God's fly swat."

"Fuck this!" thought Zanterbb and he headed back into the little changing room and out the window. Maybe God had led him to safety.

Some of the flock were laughing at Father Hatrick's joke and some were waiting to see if there would be a punch up between Richard and Mr. Linefort. Peter returned to his seat. His mouth was bulging with hosts. He looked happy. Robert could virtually see his plenary indulgences slipping away. He decided, there and then, that perhaps Peter and Richard would be better off in Hell.

Throsty Thursday.

 I slept in this morning. Robert will already be at work and Peter will be getting ready for golf.

Peter has a thing about golf balls.

As I write he could be down by the creek retrieving lost golf balls.

My job today is to look after my grandson while his dad checks in at work. This is not as easy as it sounds because Harrison is on the move. With that in mind, I'm taking Shelley as a sort of backstop. Her job is to tackle him if he heads towards anything dangerous, like their TV or a power plug. Harrison is not far off walking and can crawl at about 60kph. His not-so-secret weapon is that he is so very cute! His grandma and grandad can't resist his charm!

Meanwhile, Peter will be climbing down the slippery slope to the creek. One must ask, "How much does he really need more golf balls?"

This obsession started in the 1970s, after the 3P, 4P, 5P, etc. years, when he used to go out to play golf with Tony and Mike. They were poor students and often couldn't afford golf balls so, before playing a free nine holes on the furthest part of the Berhampore Golf Course (the holes on the eastern side of the road to Island Bay and away from the clubhouse), they needed to find a few balls to play with.  Unfortunately, the Peter of the 2020s doesn't seem to realise that retrieving golf balls is no longer necessary. Maybe it makes him feel young again?

It's a cold old morning.

Robert will have driven to Eastbourne while listening to a Tent Horn podcast.

I don't know why Robert always seems to work in Eastbourne. Maybe that's where all the rich old people who can afford house cleaning live? 

Tent probably has a podcast about Lent.

"Today is a good day to talk about Lent with me using big words, and talking fast, to shove my silly ideas down your throats. If you lend money to someone, you would have been better off if you had lent it to the one true church."

Meanwhile Peter found another golf ball.

Okay, that's me for this morning.

Ciao tutti.

Lent

 I leant on my car today while eating a sandwich. Sometimes I lean on my bass a bit too.

Leant should not be confused with lent (I lent him money).

"Lent is the Christian season of spiritual preparation before Easter. It begins on Ash Wednesday and lasts for 40 days, based on the Bible episodes of Jesus' wilderness testing and his resurrection. Christians observe Lent by fasting, repenting, reading the Bible, and celebrating Shove Tuesday. It can also be used if you have lent someone something. Normally, in this situation, you want it back at some point."

I Lent him some Australian money. 

Shove Tuesday is a popular day in the Catholic church's calendar. Evidently, on that day, you give somebody a shove. Catholics sometimes spell the word with an 'r'. I don't know why. I do know that some Catholics are very bad at spelling.

Shove Tuesday (also known as Pancake Tuesday or Pancake Day) is the final day of Shovetide.

In his latest post, The Curmudgeon asked for a pat on the back.

I offered him a tap on the head, but I didn't realise that he was talking about Shovetide. TC is a man who knows his bible. I see now that I was wrong and should have offered him a good shove. Sorry TC.

That's it from me today because there is double bass practice to do.

"I'll get a haircut once
this practice is done."

Ciao tutti.

Here's a good picture for a Monday morning...

 

Well, I'm up and ready for work. A half day of work, in reality. Then it will be practice time again.

I'm working on a Baroque piece that a student needs to learn for her Level 3 NCEA performance - it doesn't look good if the teacher can't play it. Then I intend to work up two or three Bluegrass solo violin pieces - a bit of work required there.

Then it'll be time for double bass. I've quite a bit of work to do there.

Well, I've got a toilet stop to do shortly, so I'd better get cracking.

Peter will probably be practising for tennis tomorrow.

I bet that, deep down, he misses Mickey.

For Robert it is time to think about Presbyterians and St. Joe's feast day as he cleans.

Ciao tutti.

Im write this post with vary bad gramer and no profreading so that P eter und Robert will understan d it.

 I think those boy's find some of myposts hard to undrestand. so im righting this postin there language. i wonder if they well put it threw googel trans-late!

Pete    r

robert

pEter is a bit if a no all bekause meny yeahs ago he was in 3 pee. eye dont now wat class Rboert was in.

Any way" they both like to spek Late in.

dominus vobiscum

pEEter is and athist and roBERt is a chatholic. they r gue a lot about dog. is he reel:

did he make the werld! Peetr says know. Robrt says yees.

on sondays ROBRET works in the chip ship sells whol E pictures.

Petre dosnt werk. fool stop.

He used too drink wine at work.

RObrt cleens to lets.

thats' it

Shau

Pitabread was running a little late.

 The traffic was unusually busy near the Wrongurway Heads.

Pitabread said "Bhreesh!" several times. He also tried to swear in Chinese.

"该死!"

When he finally arrived at the club he was almost twenty minutes late. Play had begun and Pitabread decided to settle down with a coffee and watch for a while.

He sat next to Hilda and Jenny. They smiled at him, then continued their in-depth conversation.

Then Pitabread spotted who was playing.

Mickey!

Bloody Mickey, the know-it-all right-wing bully, was back!

Pitabread thought about walking back to his car there and then. His two companions were still deep in conversation and wouldn't have noticed.

Then he remembered some very good advice he had got from a blogging friend, Dickie (of Dickie's Trombone Case).

Dickie had advised him, "Μην ξοδεύετε τη ζωή σας ανησυχώντας."

Pitabread remembered how he had put a sign on the comments section of his blog telling people to speak English. 

Pitabread thought, "Ah, it's all Greek to me!"

Dickie had gone on to advise him, "Απλά αγνοήστε τον. Δεν είναι δικό σου πρόβλημα."

Pitabread wished, in that moment, that he had paid attention to those Greek classes they had sat through in 3Bean many years ago. He smiled as he remembered that Dickie had been in 3 Heck.

Another blogger, Robot, had said that he should make up with Mickey because God does love a few National Party supporters. Robot had given him some advice in Frisian but had obviously copied something incorrectly into Google Translate.

The advice he'd given Pitabread was, when Pitabread translated it, "Have fun buoys, but don't use sign language."

Pitabread was very confused about what to do next.

Here is where you come in, dear reader.

Can you leave a comment, in English and not another silly language or American, to help Pitabread out of his predicament?

I'm sure he would really appreciate your help.

Thanks, in anticipation.

ADEO IN MISERIS ETIAM VITAE AMANTES SUNT MORTALES.

 This seems to be a popular title around the blogs at the moment.

The Curmudgeon used it first.

It appears twice on his blog.

Even though he seems to have a thing about languages other than English.

Robert seemed to like the phrase because he used it too.

What's this all about?

Is it somehow cool to use titles in Latin?

I know they spoke it in 3P, back in 1966, but they were a weird lot who feasted on communion hosts.

Robert uses the language because he associates it with the Catholic underage sex ring church.

This is all good business for Google Translate.

Evidently the sentence means, "So that even mortals are lovers of life in misery."

Well, that's what Google Translate says it means. I don't speak Latin, even though I was an altar boy in the days when the mass was in Latin.

There you go.

Let's use Google Translate again.

"所以即使是凡人也热爱苦难中的生活."

Well, when it comes to these two bloggers, it's all Chinese to me.

Che stronzata!

Off to work soon.

 The good thing about my job is that, if I go in a little early, I can practise my violin.

Remember the 12 things that help your jazz playing?

Well, today's three things are:

• Playing over m7b5 chords using the ascending form of the melodic minor.
• A Coltrane diminished lick.
• 3rd/7th double stops.

I'll get on the road before 7.45am, hopefully earlier, and get stuck into that practice. My first student is due at 9.30am.

How's your practice going?

Remember that it pays to have a plan.

Ciao tutti.

Sabato.

 The sun is out.

Well, in reality, the sun has been out since God said, "Let there be light."

This is the same god who said, "Hey, we won't have any problems with our clergy in the church."

Though, Robert wrote a post on this and he seems to think it's just a bit of a glitch.

Maybe we just need another flood.

Where's Noah?

I haven't done any practice yet today, but I have taken care of a few jobs - I'm working on the music for a Scottish gig that I should never have accepted and I painted the bit on Shelley's car where she got hit by a supermarket trolley - the damage doer buggered off. Bastard!

Okay, I'd better get some violin practice done.

Let's see if we can get fifty comments on this post.

Ciao tutti.

Friday.

 It's nice to not be at school today. Especially since my tongue has been rubbing on my stitches and is really sore.

I hope to get quite a bit of practice done today - double bass and violin.

I've decided not to go to golf. Anyway, I haven't been near a golf course much since the 1970s.

I've decided to give tennis a miss for a while too. Again, it is many years since I've played tennis, so no big deal.

Now that's a big deal!

That joke will probably cheer Peter up. Robert might like it too.

There you go, a happy readership today.

So, I might as well leave you there.

Ciao tutti.

Okay, let's start with some weird objects.

 

Makes Peter's wrench look a bit ordinary!

Well, it's as good a place as any to keep false teeth.

I bet Robert knows what it's for!

You certainly wouldn't want to get this up your arse.

It's starting to get dark in Nuova Lazio. I've had a quiet day today and have only done half an hour's practice on my violin. 

I started by practising playing some harmonic minors (ascending) a fifth away from the root over the first three chords to Sweet Georgia Brown - D7, G7 and C7. They feature the #11.

Then I quickly played through a Coltrane diminished lick. C E G Eb, Eb G Bb F#, etc.

After that I played some 6th and 5th double stops up the neck. That was it for today because then I headed off to the dentist.

After the dentist I've basically been wasting time, though I did drive over the hill to a music shop to pick up a book for one of my students. 

Now I'm waiting to take my last pill for the day. It's a pain killer. 

I hope I can get twenty comments for this post.

Ciao.

What an outfit! Cute hat!

 

You don't see many aging men dressed like this!

This guy reckons that you can fix some of the world's problems with a prayer that goes on for nine months. I assume he and his team won't be praying to Zeus or The Sun God. 

Robert says they're praying to Mary, the mother of Jesus (not to be confused with 'cheeses').

Man, "I found a boy's head under here!"
Mary, "Jesus Christ!"
Man, "Sorry, I didn't mean to frighten you."
Mary, "No, that's his name."

* * *

Some people's names work against them. Cardinal Burke's surname really didn't do him any favours. 

Maybe that's why he was drawn to an orange hat?

Well, they say it takes all sorts.

Liquorice Allsorts.

I went to the dentist this morning and was in the chair for just under two hours. The dentist pulled out a tooth and then put a thing in the whole, to replace it, and then stitched it all in place. They're eventually going to attach a tooth thing to it. 

Okay, I've run out of things to talk about. Maybe I'll go and do some violin practice.

I might have some ice cream first.

Let's see if we can get this post to 20 comments!

Ciao.