New wee deater.

 I decided not to go with a big deater.

It is battery operated, so it's going to be nice to get easily all around the property.

Yesterday I found a birds' nest on a tree, at about head height, right in the middle of our property. I got in quite close, but the bird in the nest didn't move. I suspect she is sitting on little ones. A bit later I saw another bird return to the nest. That must have been dad. 

To finish off, here's a little joke to help you through your Saturday morning.

What really is success?

 

Ciao tutti.

Billy the raccoon.

 

Raccoons are normally found in Northern America. They are the largest animals in what is known as the procyonid* family, and their body length can be from 40 to 70cm. The animal's most distinctive features include its extremely dexterous front paws, its facial mask, and its ringed tail, which are common themes in the mythologies of the indigenous peoples of America surrounding the species. The raccoon is noted for its intelligence, and studies show that it is able to remember the solution to tasks for at least three years.

Graham, who owned a bar in central Wellington, immediately thought of raccoons when a certain individual walked into his bar. Without thinking, be blurted out, 

"Hello, Billy the raccoon!"

The individual who had just walked in looked around and wondered at the remark.

"Are you talking to me?"

"As they say, if the hat fits wear it."

"Oh, I get it, you're making fun of my hat. Well, if there is any similarity between me and that animal, let me advise you that I was once in 3P at St. Patrick's College in Wellington. They say that racoons are smart, so maybe there is a link between us?"

"So, are you a local, Billy?"

"Actually, the name's Peter and I've just returned from many years in the far north."

"Sorry, but I'm going to have to go with Billy. Don't you own a shirt, Billy?"

"Well, racoons don't wear shirts. Even though, with their extremely dexterous paws, they could easily tie a tie when needed."

"You're coming across as a bit of a know all, Billy. Is that the way they dress way up north?"

"You didn't go to St. Pat's by any chance?"

"Nope, Rongotai College."

"And did you actually wear the wrong tie?"

"No, but I could have used help from a raccoon to get my tie on."

Peter thought for a second and then he turned to leave. He had hoped that the locals would admire his dress sense. The Old Girl had not been kind about it, but he had got some encouraging remarks on the blogs. He'd even finished up learning, from a guy who called himself Second Fiddle, about Fess Parker's acting career. 

Peter turned to the barman and said,

"You wait until the weather gets cold and let's see who is laughing then."

Graham mumbled something as Peter left but Peter was too busy thinking of another hat he had at home. Peter took his fashion choices seriously.

* Bloggers around here will love that big word! I wonder if that Horn fella has ever used it?

Boots for sale.

 

I don't usually wear gumboots. I have a pair of ordinary boots that I wear when working outside. It's just that we all recognise Peter as a leader in fashion and he suddenly showed up in a very fashionable pair of boots. 

You can imagine my stunned shock when I heard he was selling them! Yes, he's going for a different look for his move to Wellington and I'm just not up with the play yet.

Anyway, my boots are now for sale.

I'm also trying to predict Peter's next move so that I can try and keep up.

Maybe he'll stay with his 'shorts' look?

Or maybe he plans to push the boundaries?

I guess that, with a fashion genius like Peter, we'll just have to wait and see.

Anyway, my boots are for sale.

$15.

Born on a mountain top in Tennessee,

Greenest state in the land of the free.

Raised in the woods so's he knew every tree,

Killed him a bear when he was only three.

Davy, Davy Crockett,

King of the wild frontier.

What a hero Davy was!

AND he knew how to dress in style!

Hang on!

We in little ol' Aotearoa can match that!

Born in a hospital in Wellington,

Windiest place under the sun.

Grew up to later write many blog posts.

Pinched quite a few communion hosts.

Peter, Peter McDonald,

Member of class 3P.

I'll be honest...
I have trouble telling these two really cool guys apart!

There is one word that pinpoints what they are locked together by...

STYLE.

"Really - it's enough to make me want to soak my feet in cherry juice or suck shit off my finger."

 That was the sentence TC used to wrap up his latest post. It seems that he's having computer problems. 

This is Peter 'looking under the bonnet'
of his computer.

Well, this type of action worked for him in the old days.

Actually, Peter's car was white and I don't think it was a Humber 80, though it was something similar. 

Anyway, it was a tough old car - I remember that Mike Wilson drove it a long way with the handbrake on.

Out of the group who were members of the WSCPC Society Peter was the oldest.

"A white sport coat and a pink carnation,

Doo wha,

I'm all dressed up for the dance."

Peter is still the oldest. Computers are not of his generation, which probably explains why he has trouble operating them.

I borrowed Peter's joke.

Maybe he'd be better off starting with something like a typewriter?

And computers?

Really - it's enough to make Peter want to soak his feet in cherry juice or suck shit off his finger.

Ah well, if that makes him happy. 

Give anything a try, I say.

Northern standup comic to perform at Wellington's Opera House.

 A little known standup comic from Whangarei will probably play to a sold out crowd when he performs soon at Wellington's Opera House. He is becoming very well known for his place name puns and his incredibly funny jokes. I'm currently trying to get tickets. I don't care what they cost because he is said to be an exceptional comedian.

Talking of funny guys from way up north, The Curmudgeon (aka Peter) is presently tidying up his Whangarei house with the plan of moving back to Wellington.

Peter fancies himself as a comedian but the funniest thing he has done, to date, is bite his lip while stuffing his face. In a private email to me Peter asked if, on his arrival in Wellington, he could be introduced to some Wainuiomata locals who could possibly teach him some good jokes. I'll do my best to help, but we certainly don't want our best local jokes being told incorrectly or having 'mea culpa' added on the end. 

I spent over nine hours babysitting big boy sitting yesterday. I'm not allowed to post photos online of my 'client' but let me say that he is a cute little guy who usually never stops moving. I say he's a big boy because he's coming up 20 months and already gets more of my jokes than Peter seems to. He gives me some very good cuddles too. Peter doesn't do that either. To be fair though, I don't wipe Peter's bottom for him or put cream on it with my finger.

That's all for today.

Ciao tutti.

"the the' The The The Curmudgeon

 

"the the Eye see that My creater The nun nun Curmudgeon is making the the jokes about thE people in WhynewEtomato. the the This means that hE thinks that tha people up north are funnier. the the For Petes sake! Its almost enough too make me want to say tHe rosery. the the. Eye wonder if He feels the same about MoreError! hE the the plans to move to Ellington soon. Witch suburb will bee deemed funny enouf four the the him to live on. Hahataitai? hes two old too live in New town. maybe hell have to just keep moving a round! the the Thyme will tell."

The The The Curmudgeon.

 

"Hi, were a new product from The Curmudgeon Ink stable and were very the the prowd to tell yuo that we had grammer and spelling lessons from Robert of the Holly Rosery.

One of our charmes is that we say "the the' a lot. The Curmudgeon bassed us on a charactor from Richards Bass Bag. the the' oops I forgot to say it much befour; Wee hop to become a favorit on the blog's. Prepear the the to be laufed a lot.

Watch this spade?"

"I'd rather be a naive member of the elect than a damned guy who uses big words like calumnious." Tent Horn

"For those who don't know the word I looked it up:

calumnious - adjective formal
(of a statement) false and defamatory; slanderous:
"all of these charges are false and calumnious" · "I was disgusted by their calumnious attack on my son's integrity"

That guy whose name is similar to mine likes big words. I guess it confuses the person you are talking to and makes him feel stupid when, in actual fact, you could have used more common words so that everybody understood what you are saying.

"I'd rather be a dumb member of the team than a guy who doesn't fit on the team and is untrustworthy."

Communication is important, especially if you are giving advice. Confusion doesn't really make you sound more intelligent. It just means that a lot of people miss your message.

Maybe it's time for me to give some advice to Robert of the Holy Rosary.

You won't convert people to your beliefs by confusing them. Good grammar helps to get your message across too. Bad grammar will not make you look super intelligent, even if you throw in some unusual words.

Thanks to Richard (of RBB) for lending me his blog so that I could give you this advice."

Tent Horn

Richard (of RBB) here now.

I accidentally left a bit off my music theory advice.

Here it is:

Pentatonic and blues scales.

The C major pentatonic scale has the notes C D E G A.

The relative minor (A minor) has the notes A C D E G.

The relative blues scale has the notes A C D D# E G.

Ciao tutti.

"Yeah, just as well he (Richard) is not God or none of us would be here." said Robert of the Holy Rosary.

 Well, certainly not these two.

They'd be better off on Pen Island.

Okay, back to music theory.

Let's go back to C major, C D E F G A B (I've left the octave C out). The chord of C major is made up from the 1st, 3rd and 5th notes - C E G. If you added the 7th note (B) you'd get a C major 7th chord (Cmaj7). Chords can have extra notes added. C6 (C E G A), Cmaj9 (C E G B D) Cmaj9#11 (C E G B D F#). 

There are FIVE main types of chords - major, minor, dominant 7, augmented and diminished.

Here are basic forms of these chords, including the 7th - 

C major 7th: C E G B

C minor 7th: C Eb G Bb

C dominant 7th: C E G Bb

C augmented 7th: C E G# Bb

C diminished 7th: C Eb Gb A

A few notes (no pun intended): In the key of C the minor chord would generally start on the 6th note of the C major scale (A) and the dominant 7th chord would start on the 5th note - Am7 = A C E G, G7 = G B D F.  m=minor and G7 = G dominant 7th.

If you start a major scale on another one of its notes (eg. D E F G A B C D or G A B C D E F) you get a mode. There are seven of these and they all have a name. You can pull a 7th chord off each mode - notes used are 1 3 5 7.

1) C D E F G A B C - Ionian mode / Cmaj7 chord

2) D E F G A B C D - Dorian mode / Dm7 chord

3) E F G A B C D E - Phrygian mode / Em7 chord

4) F G A B C D E F - Lydian mode / Fmaj7#4 chord

5) G A B C D E F G - Mixolydian mode / G7 chord

6) A B C D E F G A - Aeolian mode / Am7 chord

7) B C D E F G A B - Locrian mode / Bm7b5 chord

There are a few scales that are a bit outside of the modal system. There are the chromatic scale, that we've looked at, the melodic minor scale, the harmonic minor scale, the augmented scale, the diminished scale and the diminished/whole tone scale. There are a few little tricks for using these diminished and augmented scales, but I'm simply going to show all these scales starting on C - the two minors are closely related to the Aeolian mode.

• Melodic minor - up A B C D E F# G# A down A G F E D C B A
• Harmonic minor - A B C D E F G# A
• Augmented (whole tone) scale - C D E F# G# Bb C
• Diminished scale (starting on a tone) - C D Eb F Gb Ab A B C
• Diminished scale (starting on a semitone) - C Db Eb E F# G A Bb C
• Diminished/whole tone scale - C Db Eb E F# G# Bb C

Have fun working through these.

If you have any questions, you could try The Curmudgeon (aka Peter) he HAS played the bagpipes.

The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away.

I remember this phrase from my school days. It popped into my mind this morning. I thought, "This is evidently why Catholics eat lots of takeaways."

Nae, but seriously folks.

At the moment there are quite a few people trying to explain the entire music theory system on Facebook. I, and many other people, have spotted many mistakes in their thinking. Some are posting huge diagrams of chords, modes and scales. Gosh, if I didn't know about music theory, it would be enough to make me want to give up.

They're really talking about the structures that make up Western music - the type of music that comes originally from Europe. In Europe, sometime around 1750 (I think), a system called Tempering was invented. This was a man-made system where twelve notes were evenly spaced. 

Pianoforte

There are seven different white notes and five black notes on the pianoforte. These simply repeat at different octaves (higher and lower sounds). The black notes each have two names because, before tempering, they were slightly different notes. 

The twelve notes are called:

A    A sharp (#) or B flat (b)    B    C    C# or Db    D    D# or Eb    E    F    F# or Gb    G    G# or Ab

If you play the white notes in this order - C D E F G A B C - you get what is called the C major scale. There are two notes that don't have black notes between them. This happens between B & C and E & F. The distance between these two sets of notes is called a semitone - the two notes are right next to each other. The other notes all have another note (black in this case) between them. When you have to skip one note to get to the next note, we call this distance a tone. 

Here is the shape that makes up the C major scale - tone tone semitone tone tone tone semitone.

If you were to start on another note, and keep the same pattern of tones and semitones (remembering that each note must have a different letter name), we would get another major scale.

Take a bit of time and check these three out:

G A B C D E F# G

F G A Bb C D E F

F# G# A# B C# D# E# F#

Wow! That last one has an E#! Where is that?  Remember that I said each note must have a different letter name? Well, E# is really the same note as F. That little trick is called enharmonic - when a note can have two names. Hey, don't get hung up on that, I just put it in to show you.

There is also a scale that contains all the possible notes. This is called a chromatic scale. You just play all the notes (C C# D D# E F etc.) one after the other.

Okay, that's most of the simplest stuff covered. Obviously, Robert knows all this - it's really simple stuff for him. Peter probably won't have read it. Hey, the only instrument that I know he has played is the bagpipes, an instrument that missed out on tempering - listen to when a piper tries to play something like a pop tune. You'll hear some very unusual notes!

Just as a side note, on sheet (written) music a lot of the instructions are in Italian. You'll see words like allegro and forte. A lot of English speaking people will tell you that these two words mean fast and loud. They actually mean happy and strong. I think that this makes a big difference to how you play music. I'd much rather aim for happy than trying to rush everything. 

A thing I'm also into is playing your instrument like a singer. Just think of a tune and play it. A singer can do it, so an instrumentalist should be able to do it too.

Ciao tutti.

A man walks into a bar. He says, "Ouch!"

 Okay, it's Friday.

I have been keeping an eye on the blogs around these parts. I can tell you that Peter is replacing all his toilets and Robert is standing up for Catholics. Why is Peter replacing all his toilets if he is planning to move soon(ish)? God only knows! Hang on, Robert, said in one of his recent posts, that God can't always see how things will pan out (no pun intended).

It appears that you can save money,
when moving house, if you keep your
toilet(s) clean.

I spent yesterday toddler sitting and will do a few more hours today.

Male toddlers seem to have more energy than anyone else on the planet. I did about nine hours yesterday and came home exhausted. The last toddler I looked after was this one's father but it doesn't take long to get back in action with things like changing nappies, keeping them under semi-control and putting them to bed. Hey, and you do get quite a lot of cuddles, which is a bonus.

I did manage to get twenty minutes of violin practice done yesterday. I also did a lot of singing to the little chap - The Wheels on the Bus and ABCDEFG are two of his favourites. He has a really nice singing voice and is very accurate with his pitching. I think that great pitching is helped by the fact that he sings for the sheer joy of it and doesn't give a toss about what anyone else is thinking of him. There is a lesson for every musician there. You da man, Harrison!

I wonder if Peter will be replacing his baths and showers today?

 

I see that Robert is blogging under a new name. 

Well, it seems more positive than calling yourself 'Robert the sinner'.

Peter could change his blogging name from 'The Curmudgeon' to 'Peter of the New Toilets'.

Yes, that works for me!

Well, I'll have to leave it there for today.

See you.

Richard, user of toilets.

The invention of the 'Half Post'.

 

"HELLO! DO YOU COPY?"

This is the title that The Curmudgeon (aka Peter) has given to his new creation - the Half Post.

Let's take a look...

"I note that Richard of RBB has been running out of ideas ..... sorry, I realise that that's a given and you're no doubt aware of the fact if you've unfortunately checked out his blog.

If you did this and also checked Robert's blog you will have noticed that the doddery old guy has been writing comments using my initials - TC - pretending to me. While I can understand his aspiration it is a bit sad that he feels that he needs to do this to get attention."

Okay, that's generally fair enough, except for a grammatical mistake (TC - pretending to me.). All I can say is that it has been a bit lonely around here lately with not many people leaving comments - though Robert the sinner did leave one about farting that I had to delete because it wasn't funny.

He also takes a quick shot at a woman he calls 'The Old Girl'.

"It's raining today so I'll stay indoors to sort out boxes of stuff. The Old Girl has been junking just about everything she has including old photographs and newspaper cuttings.

I managed to take a pic of this before it went into the rubbish. It was from the Christchurch Press in the mid 1990s. I like it for her cheesy smile."

And then, that's it. End of post.

It's like a Classical sonata that just has a theme or two, but no development or recapitulation.

"I would never have stooped that low!"

So, what do we learn from this post?

Richard (of RBB) put up a few comments that he signed off as TC. 'The Old Girl' threw out a few old things that she didn't want anymore. Peter has been sitting on his bum, doing bugger all. He couldn't even write a post with a bit of substance.

Think about it. Roberto wrote this...

"Seven verses every Catholic should know.

1 Timothy 3:15
St Paul identifies the Church as" the pillar and bullwork of the truth".
No protestant would say this. A protestant would say instead that the bible is! A bullwork is a defense. If you want the truth go to a Church. There can only be one Church therefore. If there were many then how would we know which one tells the truth. To protestants, the Church is invisible and known only to God. This is Catholic ecliasology. Catholic teaching.
2. 2 Thessalonians 2:15 "Hold fast to your traditions ..Greek ( protestants replace it erroneously with "teachings") that were taught to us by word of mouth or by letter".
The bible is not enough then. That is why Catholics include Tradition.
3 .2 Peter 1:20 ":no prophecy of scripture is a matter of one's own interpretation."
Protestants interpret the Bible themselves. Every interpretation is by individual protestants. Every protestant is his own arbiter of the truth, their own pope. Catholics have a chain of leadership starting with the apostles and proceeding down through their descendents.
4. John 20:23 Jesus breathed in them and said receive the Holy Spirit, whoevers sin you forgive..."
Protestants twist this ( isogessis) and say it means teach. After the apostles preach the sins are forgiven. But this is adding to the original text. Catholics use exogessus and extract the truth. In the old testament people went to the priest for the forgiveness of sin. With an appropriate animal sacrifice. Likewise in the new testament it is a priestly function.
5. Rev 12, 1 and 2 and 5.
This woman is clothed with the sun and moon at her feet, she's in heaven...wearing a crown.. brings forth a child....Jesus. A heavenly queen who gives birth to Jesus! She struggles against a red dragon (Satan). So this describes Mary, the Blessed Mother. This is not symbolic. These are real individuals. Satan, Jesus and Mary.
6 2 kings ch 13...on relics.
Man touches bones of Elija and is healed. So the practice of relics in the Catholic church is justified.
7 John 6:53
"Unless you eat the flesh of the son of man you will have no life in you". This is not a metaphor nor the way the first readers interpreted it They took it at face value in AD 90s. John knew how his readers would interpret it."

Okay, it's a load of shit but there is some advice that TC could take:

• Go touch the bones of Elija!
• Eat the flesh of the son of man or you will have no life in you.
• Satan, Jesus and Mary are real, but you're still better off insulting them than 'The Old Girl'.
• John 20:23 Jesus doesn't use possessive apostrophes (Jesus breathed in them and said receive the Holy Spirit, whoevers sin you forgive.)
• (Every protestant is his own arbiter of the truth.) That's not the best approach, according to the other, and more famous, Peter.
• St Paul identifies the Church as "the pillar and bullwork of the truth". Our Peter doesn't even own a bull. Not even a cow, for that matter.

Okay, I've only touched on six points, but these are ones that Peter (aka The Curmudgeon) needs to think about.

A word of advice to Peter...

Let's write full posts in future.

Wanna hear a joke about paper? Never mind—it’s tearable.

 Peter is getting ready to move to Wellington. In Roberto's latest weirdo post a guy with a name similar to Tent's keeps going on about Peter, Petros and stones and rocks. 

Are Roberto and his friend being humerous? This is going to really confuse Peter who is not known to be good at jokes. 

Don't worry Peter, I'll help you out. Here are some jokes that you can use:

What’s the best way to watch a fly fishing tournament? Live stream.

I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport. I’m just doing it for kicks!

I could tell a joke about pizza, but it’s a little cheesy.

What’s an astronaut’s favourite part of a computer? The space bar.

What did the coffee report to the police? A mugging.

Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.

I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down!

* * *

I hope that helps.

Well, it's going to be a pretty quiet day here. It seems that I've caught Shelley's cough. Damn!

I'll try to get some violin practice done. I've got work tomorrow and Harrison minding on Thursday, so let's hope that I can get this cough under control pronto.

The weather looks good in Wainui this morning, though you never know when it might change. 

I'll leave you there for this morning.

Ciao tutti.

My friend was showing me his tool shed and pointed to a ladder. “That's my stepladder,” he said. "I never knew my real ladder.”

 Peter is too busy downsizing to post.

At least Roberto made an effort, but all he posted was a picture.

What the hell is that supposed
to mean?

Well, I suppose it does look a bit like Peter.

Can you see the similarity?
PETER IS NOT ANGRY
Peter is disappointed in you

Look at the turtle again and imagine that his whole body is a face.

Today is Armistice Day. I will play The Last Post at 11am, on the 11th day of the 11th month.

Shelley will be there, but I'll be lucky if two or three other people turn up. There will be no representatives from the RSA. So, why do I do it?

This photo was taken when the RSA, and a man
in a skirt, used to turn up.

  It was taken in 2017, as was this next shot.

Notice the way W. E. Prouse's name is spelt. Everyone spells my name that way in Wainuiomata.

So, why do I still do it after all these years (I started doing it before 2017)? Well, I'm worried that people might just show up and there will be no one to play The Last Post. 

I tried to line up a friend to take over playing The Last Post on ANZAC Day a few years back. He said that it would be an honour, but then he told the organisers that he wanted to be paid.

WHAT?

There are some things that you just don't get paid for, and that YOU SHOULD NOT EXPECT TO GET PAID FOR!

Like playing music at a funeral.

Ah well, it takes all sorts.

At least I don't live in America - the land of the super rich.

That's it from me this morning.

Ciao tutti.

What do you call someone with no body and no nose? Nobody knows.

 Sunday. We'll be on duty with Harrison again today. No time for Mass. I won't be visiting the church shop.

The little guy has been really full on lately. He has lots of strength and lots of energy. It's a bit of a relief that he has a sleep in the middle of the day.

Tomorrow is Armistice Day.

They talk about the 11th hour on the 11th day
of the 11th month.

It's when the first world war officially finished when a document was signed by Germany and the Allies. In the past our local RSA always organised a ceremony at our War Memorial in Wainuiomata, but the RSA in Wainui has ceased to exist. For the last few years I've turned up and played the Last Post on this day to about four onlookers. I'll do the same tomorrow. It's kind of funny how ex-RSA guys don't turn up. It must have been important to them once. Never mind.

Okay, okay, you want to hear about yesterday's jam. I should have taken a bass amp. Instead, as instructed, I used a crappy amp that was on site. I just couldn't get a good sound out of it. I took my violin, but didn't get to play it. They were all nice guys but the pianist burst into quite a lot of tunes that I didn't know. Normally, at a jam, though not always, tunes are chosen that everyone knows or has the music for. Never mind. 

I see that the Aussies beat England at rugby. Yes! It would be great if Scotland could beat South Africa, but I don't think that's going to happen. Just like Peter won't write a post this morning.

Silly me! I bit my lip. Can't write a 
post now this morning.

At least Roberto has a good excuse because he'll be at Mass, unless he did that cheating thing where you go the night before.

Ah well, I'll wrap it up there.

Ciao.

What's brown and looks like a stick? A stick.

 Okay, a little later this morning the All Blacks will be playing Ireland. 

Ireland are ranked number one in the world at the moment and the All Blacks are ranked at number three. It should be quite a tight match, though most commentators are ranking Ireland as the favourites. I'd certainly like to see the All Blacks win but, hey, it's only a game. 

You'll have noticed that this is the third post that has started with a humerous little joke. I think that Roberto and Pete really enjoy them. Peter's posting has been a bit sparse lately. Robert's has been pretty regular. He should be congratulated for this, but he must be careful to proofread. Actually, if you read comments (and quite a few posts) on Facebook, you'll find that the grammar is shocking. Shoddy grammar can make you look a bit thick, so it's worth taking the time to check it. Don't be in such a hurry.

I'm off to a jam this afternoon. It's at a friend's place in Wainuiomata. I'll take my double bass and my violin. My practice has been a bit down lately because I've been doing quite a bit of babysitting. Though, I did give the violin a good workout yesterday. Babysitting is fun, but very tiring. Harrison is just over 19 months old. He is strong and tireless. Except for his midday sleep, he goes flat out all day. I'm back changing nappies again, but it feels like I never stopped. It's like when you pick up the violin after not practising for a day - it doesn't take long to get back in form.

Harrison has moved from Upper Hutt to Lower Hutt - he took his parents with him. This means that he is just a fifteen minute drive away, which is great. It's tough being a parent of a little one these days. The rents are high which means that both parents have to work, which means that there is childcare to pay for too. This is where grandparents can help out. Harrison has a little brother on the way, so soon there will be two of them. Harrison will no doubt teach his little brother all of his tricks. 

It's getting closer to All Blacks time. I know my Irish friend Aidan will be getting very excited, as will Peter. For Roberto the game will cut into rosary time. He'll have a hard decision to make there. Peter will have to watch the game in the kitchen. I bet that, if Beauden Barret was at home, he wouldn't have to do that. It's a shame that Beaudy won't be playing today. Let's just hope that Damian McKenzie has a good game and sets up his backs well.

Well, that's it for this morning. I'll do a few decades of the rosary* and then get dressed. Time for me to get ready for the game, and the jam.

Ciao tutti.

* No, I won't!

What do you call an Italian with a rubber toe? Roberto.

 I listened to a podcast by Tent Horn this morning.

He makes some interesting points.

1. Arguing with a Christian will always be interesting because he can't afford to lose.

You can be bloody sure that The Bible will be quoted as a source of proof when this book is really more like a sauce. It pours over everything, in a discussion about Christianity, and all it really supplies is a flavouring. 

A Christian will also say, "Look at the world and the Universe. How did it get here if there is no god?" Of course, the obvious answer is, "It might have come about through some other method. We humans haven't discovered the answer yet."

2. What is marriage?

Tent says that it is a thing invented by humans to glorify the love between two people and their intention (at a particular time) to spend the rest of their days together. It's a good chance to get friends and relatives together and it often creates work for musicians. People who live together and don't get married seem to do just as well and they don't have to pay for a band.

3. What is sex for?

If there is a Christian god, he/she/it must have created sex while having some very kinky thoughts! The three people in the one Catholic god and all the angels didn't need it. Obviously sex has been necessary for procreation of humans and other animals. If you see a man and a lady with children, you know that they have had sex, but other people have sex too - even unmarried people and people of the same sex. What's the point in that? Well, it is often a very nice experience and can give a special bond to the two people involved. 

4. What is a woman?

Among humans there are men and women. Men have a cock and balls and women have different bits. It's probably fair to say that men and women see things a bit differently. For example, in a partnership or marriage the man sometimes thinks that he is in charge. This is usually a mistake. Women are often more subtle. It is probably true that the female outlook on life is often much nicer than the male outlook, but obviously this is not always the case. It is bloody good that we have women. Let's treat them with a lot of respect and kindness.

5. What is a person?

Someone who is either a lady or a man, or something a bit in between. An angel, for example - if it really existed, is not a person. The word 'person' really gives you no insight into the quality of the entity.

6. If your time in Heaven or Hell lasts forever, as Catholics believe, is it really fair to punish someone for 'sins' committed in a period of roughly 80 years or less? Could even Heaven get a bit boring after a while? 

Yes, we have to understand that 'forever' is an unimaginably long time. As regards Hell, if a person lives for 65 years, wouldn't a penalty for wrongdoing be fairer if it lasted 65 or even 200 years? Think of your own life, 200 years would be a very long time. Now imagine that you have been in Heaven for 200 years. "Oh shit! Here comes Mr. Linford again! I can't even remember the number of times I've heard his favourite stories! Why can't God change things so that people become more interesting? Maybe I should have played up more when I was on Earth (aka Jasper)? Hell can't be much worse. At least it would be a change! I might ask if I can visit. I need a bit of excitement."

There you go. I hope that helps. Tent Horn is certainly worth a listen.

A horse walks into a bar. The barman asks, "Why the long face?"

The three who liked to refer to themselves as The Holy Trinity sat around a table. They were God the Father, God the Son and Don.

"Wow, living forever is certainly a long time!" said God the Son.

"You're not wrong Son. It's been billions of years plus. We have always been here." added Don.

"Is it always going to be just the three of us?" asked God the Son.

"Okay, okay," said God the Father, "I have an idea that might brighten things up. We make this thing called a universe. It'll be big. Very big. Who knows, then we could make some more."

"But, God the Father, you know the future. You knew we'd come to this point which is probably brought about by boredom. You should have scheduled this for an earlier date. What will be the point of this universe?" retorted God the Son.

"I will create creatures called angles. They will be much like us. And, while I think of it, we could use more descriptive names. How about we call you Jesus, Son? I'm going to just go with God. Don, your name needs to be more exotic. Any ideas?" asked God (the Father).

"I'm going to go outside the circle here. I'm going to choose The Holy Ghost."

"I knew you'd choose that." said God.

"I'm happy to go with Jesus, but I don't like that name 'angle'. It sounds like a corner. Let's change it to 'angel'. That's more unique." said Jesus (formerly God the Son).

"I knew you were going to say that!" said God. "Okay, we'll go with those names - God, Jesus and The Holy Ghost. It's done. Now these angels will be much like us. Their boss we will call an archangel. There will be a few more archangels too, but the boss will be called Gabriel. Later on, I'm going to add another species called humans, but that's further down the track. I thought that they won't automatically get into our place but will go through a testing ground. I have a list of those who won't make it, remember that I see the future. I'll make a place called Hell for them."

But won't we need someone to keep an eye on them in Hell?" asked Jesus.

"Obviously I'd already thought of that." said God. "We need a bad angel who needs to be punished."

"Can we call him Lucifer?" chirped in The Holy Ghost.

"I knew you'd suggest that." said God. "Yes, we'll go with Lucifer, but he'll also have the nickname Satan because I like that one. I'll set up a fight with Lucifer so that we can punish him."

"Poor bugger. He doesn't know what he's getting into." said The Holy Ghost.

God moved straight on. "I'll get the universe done in a matter of days. Oh, days are what will happen on a planet I have picked out. I'm going a slightly different route with the humans - I'm going to invent sex. Half of them will be pretty much like us, except I'm giving them this thing called a cock. I'll explain how it works later. The rest of them will be different. Very different. I'm giving them a couple of things on their chest so that they can feed children. I suspect that the other half will find those fascinating. I won't put cocks on these ones."

"Both groups will need names." said Jesus.

"Obviously, I've already thought of that." retorted God. "The ones with cocks will be called men and the ones with the things on their chests will be called woe men."

"Woe men?" asked The Holy Ghost.

"Wouldn't it be better to just have one word?" asked Jesus.

God replied, "The idea is that, while the men will think they're in charge, these woe men will be the real bosses. They'll have a way of really calling the shots. Okay, okay, don't waste your breath, I know how the conversation will go. Okay, we'll go with women."

And that's how it all started.

Monday, November 4th. No Saints Day.

 Hang on, let's not forget about Saint Charles Borromeo, the bishop who lived from 1538 to 1584.

"Borrow meo, if you like."

In 1559, when his uncle, Cardinal de Medici was elected Pope Pius IV, he made Charles cardinal-deacon and administrator of the Archdiocese of Milan. This was a big break for young Charlie. A little later, working behind the scenes, Charlie deserves the credit for keeping the Council of Trent in session when at several points it was on the verge of breaking up. Charlie died of bad health at the age of 46. There is no real evidence that Saint Charlie used to offer himself up for being borrowed, but such a story was passed on aurally.

Okay, let's move on.

It's a quiet day for us here in Wainuiomata, but it's not raining, and our lawn desperately needs mowing. It's quite a big job because it's quite a big lawn. I'll aim to start closer to lunchtime.

That's it for today - I've got work to do.

Ciao.

Stupidity.

 

There are over 346 million people in the United States of America. I don't know how many people can or will vote, but that's a lot of voters, even if you write off about 100 million. It appears that, just recently, 48.5% of voters will probably vote for Trump. That's enough for him to win.

I found the thing below on the internet.

There's an old saying, "When you're dead, you don't know that you're dead but everybody else does. It's the same when you're stupid."

I know enough about Trump to know that you'd have to be stupid to vote for him. Evidently nearly half of the USA voters are going to vote for him.

Holy Shit!

Then we've got that fat North Korean leader helping Russia with their war. Also, Israel seems to be attacking lots of countries in their area.

Things are not looking good for the world.

Leave a comment if you have an opinion, but don't mention God.*

* Well, he doesn't seem to give a shit. Maybe he's just looking forward to an early judgement day. I wouldn't get too comfortable with your lot if I were you, Brother Benedict.