The boys desperately need a new post from me.

 

I think they like me to start with a picture.

Peter has been to the murder house and some passing priest has told Rob he needs to be pathetic, or something similar. He told him to be two other things as well, but Rob wasn't listening. I guess that this is why the boys need my posts.

What the passing priest might have said:

• Grow a beard like Jesus.
• Nothing lasts forever, not even Hell.
• That biscuit thing is not really the body of Jesus.
• Come to church in a t-shirt and shorts.
• Don't go to bed wearing a full suit.
• Every good boy deserves fruit.
• The tritone is not really the devil's interval.
• Joseph doesn't like God because of what he did to Mary.
• Go Trump! Let's make America grate again.
• Flushing toilets are the work of Satan.

Peter has sensitive teeth (just like any curmudgeon) and needs special toothpaste. Oh dear. What do we do when our world comes to that? It'd be nice if all his friends sent Peter a tube of sensitive toothpaste. If they don't, here are some suggestions for Peter:

• Don't eat big stringy steaks.
• Don't chew on cardboard.
• Don't steal communion hosts. Hey, that's just not right!
• Wearing lipstick might help. There again, it might not.
• Use your hands, and not your teeth, to undo your sandal straps.
• Don't take up the trumpet or the oboe.
• Don't suck on stones or small rocks.
• Don't get punched in the mouth.
• Only kiss gently.
• Stay right away from oral sex.

There you go, I think I've helped both Peter and Rob. They'll both rest easy tonight. Peter might even celebrate with a Cleanskin.

Well, I know he likes that drop.

Please leave a message if I can be of further help.

Ciao tutti.