What makes you really cool?
What does being cool really mean?
If you follow this guide, you too can qualify as someone who is really cool.
Definition of ‘cool’:
1. You are ‘punching above your weight’.
2. You make other people feel inferior or inadequate.
3. You are the next best thing to a god.
Tricks to get you there:
· Drive your car slightly (or totally) above the speed limit and, if anyone else is holding you up, get really close to them to give the message, “Get out of this lane!” Hey, fast lanes are for cool people!
· Play really fast licks on the guitar. Show just how cool you are.
· Walk through a supermarket like you own the place. Look stern and in total control. Don’t let anyone get in your way. At the checkout you DESERVE to be first in the queue.
· In a conversation, do not listen to others who are present. If a discussion develops, dominate the conversation. Big words are an asset here because others may lose the message and feel confused. This confusion just serves to push your message. Ah, you have won again! Cool.
· Owning lots of stuff gives you power. Cool people know how to make money. Uncool people finish up on the street or living in cars. Losers!
Things that might stand in your way on your quest to be cool:
· Physics. If you drive very fast and follow another car too closely, you probably won’t have time to stop, and an accident will probably happen, if something goes wrong. At a busy time of the day, this will inconvenience many people. Hey, but a lot of them are losers.
· The magic of music is when something touches your soul. More than often slow music does this, but not always.
· All sorts of people use a supermarket. It’s nice to think that everyone is welcome there and there is not some sort of silly hierarchy. Most of us don’t go to a supermarket to feel superior. We just want to get stuff that we would like to have at home. Think vegetables, soap, toilet paper and, perhaps, wine.
· Listen, listen, listen, if you want to find the best part of a person. Talking and dominating the conversation will put you in a situation where you learn nothing. Everyone has something that they can teach you, even though their lesson might take you a while to really understand.
· At present I’ve been watching a bird in our garden have and raise her young. The nest is low enough that I can look in. This bird is very devoted, and I feel very special to be able to witness this. I can assure you that there is absolutely no money involved. We don’t charge her rent. Technically, having a small nest in one of our trees is lower socioeconomically than living in a car, but this mum is coping very well – I’ve been keeping a close eye on her. She fills my heart in a very special way that I can’t really describe and that would probably cause me to lose an argument with a cool person.
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Sorry but, I gave up on trying to be cool many years ago. Many, many years ago. Though, to be honest, I wasn’t making it.
Though, on the bright side, I do good ‘dad jokes’.
9 commenti:
I can't understand why some of us put wealthy people on a pedestal. No one gets rich by being generous.
Joseph of Arimathea?
No, I didn't bury Jesus.
How did you deal with St Edmund?
Jesus Christ! I've never met Eddie.
Though I hear that he was a bit of a martyr.
Ælfric of Eynsham, a kind of roving reporter in the ninth century reported on Eddie's death thus:
"King Edmund, against whom Ivar advanced, stood inside his hall, and mindful of the Saviour, threw out his weapons. He wanted to match the example of Christ, who forbade Peter to win the cruel Jews with weapons. Lo! the impious one then bound Edmund and insulted him ignominiously, and beat him with rods, and afterwards led the devout king to a firm living tree, and tied him there with strong bonds, and beat him with whips. In between the whip lashes, Edmund called out with true belief in the Saviour Christ. Because of his belief, because he called to Christ to aid him, the heathens became furiously angry. They then shot spears at him, as if it was a game, until he was entirely covered with their missiles, like the bristles of a hedgehog (just like St Sebastian was).
When Ivar the impious pirate saw that the noble king would not forsake Christ, but with resolute faith called after Him, he ordered Edmund beheaded, and the heathens did so. While Edmund still called out to Christ, the heathen dragged the holy man to his death, and with one stroke struck off his head, and his soul journeyed happily to Christ."
Ælfric of Eynsham
Well, there you go. It must be true since Alfie was a journalist and we know that they are very trustworthy don't we.
Did Jesus give him another head?
If he was a worthy Catholic and, if all that nonsense is true then yes, Jesus, god, Uncle Tom Cobley or whoever would have given him a new head for the big show that's going to happen (now overdue).
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