Have fun while your guardian angle is away Rob, but don't sin.

 Rob would be on his own for a while because his guardian angle Ron had made a trip back to Heaven.

Lately things are looking 
a bit run down in Heaven.

Ron had received a thought message (like a prayer) from both Archangle Michael and (Angry) Jesus.

Ron

It was important to God, and his son, that Michael kept up 'his' image as a masculine fighter and winner of battles. I say 'image' because angles don't have a sex, only an image.

Michael has already been exposed for a part of 'his' anatomy,

A belly button

but things have just got worse. Really bad, actually.

Ron is walking through the back streets of Heaven when Michael pops out from an alley.

Michael: Ron, it's so great to see you! I've just felt so alone!

Ron: Hi Michael. What's going on?

Michael: I'm pregnant.

Ron: What! 

Michael: I'm pregnant. Look at my belly.

Ron: Shit! Does God know?

Michael: No, but Jesus does. It's only a matter of time.

Ron: Who's the father? Hey, we're supposed to be sexless!

Michael: It's yours Ron. I know, it's complicated. I guess it's just better to have a sex and know what you are. Hey, I can see Jesus coming this way! I'm out of here! Please, can you talk to him?

Ron: Yeah, okay, I guess.

Michael disappears back down the alley.

Ron: Hi Jesus, fancy running into you.

Jesus does not
look amused.

(Angry) Jesus: What the Hell! You two are supposed to be sexless angles! Firstly, we're going to need to organize an abortion. Let's try to keep this to ourselves. You know how dad feels about abortions.

Ron: But who does abortions in Heaven?

(Angry) Jesus: I think this'll need a trip to Hell. They have people down there with the required skills.

Ron: But how did this happen?

(Angry) Jesus: I blame whoever did the painting of Michael.

Ron: What do you mean?

(Angry) Jesus: Look, it gets complicated. The whole premise of angles, creatures who were known as angels until bad grammar demanded that we make some changes, is based on stories that can't really be proven and that can easily fall into the category of myths, or fairytales, if we are not very careful. Things were going along nicely, we have many believers, until you got Michael up the duff. I mean, what were you two thinking?

Ron: I don't know. It was a quiet night in Heaven and Michael popped around with some water that, he said, you had turned into wine and one thing led to another. Hey, why do you call him 'he'?

(Angry) Jesus: Shit! Look, we've got to keep all this from dad. I'll give Satan a call. Let's try to sweep all of this under the rug.

This is enough to make Marie's hair fall out!

To be continued?

Spoiler alert!

 First read this...

"Angles are pure intellects that do not have physical forms and do not reproduce sexually. They are created out of nothing by God at the dawn of creation. Angles are numerous, immaterial, and immortal, so they don’t need to reproduce. Angles neither marry nor have sex. In the resurrection, human beings will be like the angles in heaven, who “neither marry nor are given in marriage”."

Now look at this picture of a very famous angle named Michael, who holds a high rank up in Heaven, even though he's a bit of a thug.

Look closely at Michael's tummy.

Michael has a belly button! Read again what it says up above in the first paragraph.

"Angles neither marry nor have sex."

Well, hello, this guy has a mum! That's where the umbilical chord comes out of a baby that is in its mother's womb.

SEX HAPPENED HERE!

That's the only way a baby gets into a mother's womb (except for Jesus who was plonked in - though, maybe he still needed an umbilical chord).

Someone, like a Catholic, needs to report this to God!

This thug has to be an imposter!

Hey, no thanks needed, Catholics.

Richard's Bass Bag* is happy to help out.

* the original bass bagging site

'Angles We Have Heard On High.'

 [A new weekly series that will soon be available on all reputable broadcasting sites.]

Angles We Have Heard On High tells the story, or really times in their existence, of two guardian angles named Jess and Ron. Ron is the one in red.

Jess (some of you might have noticed that her name is only one alphabet letter different from God's only known son, Jesus - played in this series by Angry Jesus, a well known, and much loved, character on Richard's Bass Bag.*) has been taken on as a guardian angel and put in charge of a boy who was originally from Wellington, New Zealand, but has made his home in the far north. God seems to have a soft spot for Jess. I don't think that God is so fond of her charge, Peter.

God

Ron has also been put in charge of a kiwi lad, known as Rob. Rob is a very good Catholic and follows everything that he is told to do. He also helps out in the church shop.

If you've read our previous post, you'll know that The Pope decided to change the name 'angel' to 'angle' because that is how people often finish up spelling it on social media. I guess that part of The Pope's job is to try and save people, so he has had to sacrifice English grammar and spelling in the cause of salvation.

In Wellington (the capital city) The Pope's words are passed on by two priests - Father Mike from Taihape and Father Orange.

Father Mike from Taihape

Father Orange

Jess has her work cut out with Peter because he keeps falling off things and seems slow to learn. Ron, on the other hand, gets on well with Rob, but he knows that he really needs to sit down with Rob and talk about how angles are really sexless beings, so it doesn't really matter if they dress like men or women. Rob seems to have a slight problem with this. 

You'll notice other characters drifting in and out of the series. One of these characters is Zeus (played by himself) who has some interesting discussions with God. Watch out for him.

Zeus

Marie 'the none' also shows up to share some silly ideas.

Marie 'the none'

Episode One should be out in the near future, so sit back and get ready for an action packed adventure!

See you soon.

* the original bass bagging site

You can count on your guardian angle.

 The Vatican has released a statement saying that angels will now be known as angles. The Pope states that this has become necessary due to the difficulty a lot of people are having on sites like Facebook with English spelling and grammar. The Pope is aware of the need to keep these people in the loop for salvation.

Two things changed Peter's life.

A wet roof

and a guardian angle.

Jess

Peter was now aware that Jess had also got him through troubles at tennis

and golf,

and, though he would have preferred a prettier guardian angle, he was grateful.

Actually, it's important to remember that angles don't have a sex. Most just look like ladies.

Angles are pure intellects that do not have physical forms and do not reproduce sexually. They are created out of nothing by God at the dawn of creation. Angles are numerous, immaterial, and immortal, so they don’t need to reproduce. Angles neither marry nor have sex. In the resurrection, human beings will be like the angles in heaven, who “neither marry nor are given in marriage”.

Please take note boys - NO SEX IN HEAVEN.

Though, I think they still have sex in Hell.

I'm not sure about Purgatory. Anyway, let's move on.

Robert arrived at church with ten minutes to spare.

He'd use that extra time to pray to Mary.

He looked up at the church and could see that workers were still updating the name.

It read, "St. Mary of the Ang   ."

Robert took a second or two to think of his guardian angle.

Ron

Then his thoughts went back to Mary and Robert smiled. On this occasion his smile turned into more of a laugh.

Robert laughs.

Ron reminded him not to giggle in church.

Robert used up one of his plenary indulgences to get past this little mishap.

Peter was recovering from a night of drinking very old port. Well past the use by date! The label had been ripped and he'd mistaken it for a Cleanskin. Now he had a sore head.

Jess had tried to warn him about the port but, as you know, Peter can be stubborn at times. Jess still really hadn't forgiven him for nicking communion hosts when he was at school, so she felt that he deserved a headache or two, or three. She wondered if that is why God called his class 3P (three penances). 

Richard (of RBB) had never had a guardian angle. Instead, he'd been issued with two double basses and a violin. He remembered that it was time to do some practice. So, he left the two other bloggers in the competent hands of their guardian angles.

Namaste.

 I hope he thanked his guardian angel!

Well, why do we always assume that guardian 
angels are going to be pretty?

"Jess, firstly welcome to guardianangels.co.heaven. Now, listen carefully, we have an assignment for you. Down on Earth (aka Jasper), it's 1952 down there, we've just set up a young fellow named Peter. We've got a few plans for him. For example, we'd like to get him into 3P at St. Patrick's College in Wellington, but our biggest task will be keeping him alive. The danger is that, especially in later life, he'll get an urge to climb up and down things, which could be dangerous. We'd also like to keep him in the faith and hopefully keep him out of Hell. Towards that purpose, he IS NOT to go near communion hosts unsupervised. I'm counting on you there, Jess. Also, we'll have to be careful with praying. Remember Elijah and all that trouble he caused for others by praying for no rain. Jesus! I wish I hadn't listened to his prayers! No, sorry Jesus, I wasn't calling you. I was just a bit worked up about something."

Okay, okay, if sliding down banks at golf courses wasn't enough, old Peter (71) has decided to scramble over wet roofing. I guess that Rob is right, and Jess is doing a pretty good job, especially to get him to such a ripe old age. Maybe he needs to take up composing music. Rob could show him how to write in the style of St. Saens.* I suppose he could also get those bagpipes out, but that's a bit hard on his neighbours. 

Maybe, if he came back to the one true church, he could live his life in a safer way? Though, look at how Jesus finished up! At least he had time to do his nails.

Poor old Lynn certainly has her work cut out!

Take care out there, Peter. Remember what happened to the chair.

Surakshit hon. Be safe.

* not a proper saint

Question Time.

 Okay, let's get straight to the point.

Peter (aka The Curmudgeon, and many other names) has written three posts in quick succession. Let's see what they have in common.

No Comments

If I don't leave a comment soon, he'll be solely in the hands of Rob.*

Peter will be depending on the Catholic church for comments!

Unless he puts some up himself.

Only time will tell.

* who now calls himself Roberto Testore on Facebook

Giovedì e niente di nuovo in giro per i blog.

 Everything seems to be unfolding as usual around the blogs.

Peter is circulating us through his many blogs, his latest effort is based around a pun, "May the fours be with you." Ah well, at least he's not fighting with other blokes at tennis.

Rob is still bleating on about Catholicism being the way to go. 

However, I do notice that Peter is very quick to comment on Rob's posts. This suggests that he's keeping an eye out for them and is keen to read them. Remember how Peter was a good little Catholic when he was in 3P (1966). Though, he did go a bit astray when he realised the money making potential of communion hosts. Maybe Rob can guide him back?

When priests start wearing pink,
that's a sign that the church is becoming more diverse.

It's probably a sign that priests are slowly 'coming out'.

It's also interesting to note that, on Facebook, Rob has replaced his Christian name (the name he was baptised under) to go with a more atheistic name.

Welcome aboard the Atheist Ark Rob. Together we can save the world from these silly gods.

Maybe Peter and Rob are simply going to swap roles?

This could make blogging very interesting.

Ciao tutti.

Who is Mr. Handsome?

 New glasses!

Mr. Handsome standing with The Bob.

Long distance just got easier!

Hey, but everyone looks better with a double bass!

Double Double Bass Post Popular!

 

Double double basses.

A post on changing double bass strings (3 back now) has turned out to be rather popular. Maybe it's because people are getting tired of reading posts about garden maintenance, recording equipment and outside chairs blowing over.

What a storm that must have been!
NOT.

We even received a comment from Rob.

Okay, I must admit, my first reaction was, "What the fuck is he talking about?"

But, to be fair, I was just waking up. With a bit of time to think about it, it makes perfect sense.

It's actually Latin for 'I'm sure'. Okay, you might ask why a post about string changing should be titled, "I'm sure."

Well, as Rob said in another comment, "That's a lot like the Pope asking why Catholic laity aren't reading LUMEN GENTIUM and other constitutional documents from Vatican II."

LUMEN GENTIUM means THE LIGHT (in capital letters). Though, it could be that Catholic laity are happy with the lights they already have.

But, back to double bass strings.

I'm very pleased with how the Obligatos are sounding. They're quite bright, but I like that. They're actually quite similar to my Evah Pirazzi strings. Though, those EPs are hard to beat, and La Gloria is a very fine bass.

Ciao bass lovers.

I just bought and installed a new computer system.

 

It's a multiscreen Hexatonic Shiftdivert 4707. It wasn't cheap! I also bought equipment for analyzing things like songs, density of walls and bass strings. The wiring is quite complex because I need to connect a 300OBM sorter to a SemiOrganic Chrystler Shifter and a 50DSM Sintotecker. The Sintotecker is an amazing little box that converts badly played notes into Carbon Desiginoted Perfection. Shelley doesn't want it set up in the lounge, unless I move my two basses. I fitted both my basses with a wheeled 72OPM Movagadget. This moves the basses at regular intervals of a b9th and a minor 7th. I was going to get a mic for my musical recordings, but have decided to insert a Mudcauzng box. Another expense, but worth it. The Mudcauzng, if you check it online, is much more efficient than the other two alternatives - the Reinwader and the Idongeevafuk 320.

Okay, time to do some bass and violin practice.

I changed the strings on The Bob.

 As I'm sure all my readers know, I have two double basses in my living room. They take their names from my mum and dad.

I've played many gigs on The Bob, over many years. When my mum died, I used some of the money she left me to purchase La Gloria.

La Gloria is a very fine bass and my go to bass for most gigs these days. She was made in China but fitted out with parts in the USA. She is a fully carved bass. I have her fitted out with soft (weich) Evah Pirazzi strings and she is a pleasure to play. I rate this bass very highly.

The green and black windings 
on the strings, near the tailpiece,
tell you that these are Pirastro
Evah Pirazzi strings.

The Bob is a 'plywood' bass. Plywood basses are usually at the cheaper end of double basses, but The Bob (like my dad, a very durable and practical man/bass) has proved himself to be a very good bass. He has played some quite 'high pressure' gigs and never let me down. 

It's quite fitting that my mother
made the bow holder that you
see in this picture. The Bob
has worn it for many, many years.

In this picture note the colours of Pirastro Obligato strings.

I haven't been using The Bob much lately, but I got a call, from one of the schools where I teach, to fill in for a performance in a string quintet for their bassist who has Covid. I don't like the school bass, so I decided to use one of mine. For this gig, my bass will have to sit in my car, while I do some teaching before the gig. The Bob is a sturdy, practical bass and I thought that he might be the perfect choice for this gig. However, I wasn't enjoying the strings he had on, so, yesterday, I changed them. I had a set of Obligatos in my string draw and thought they might be a better option. I was right.

I'll spend a bit of time on The Bob over the next few days, but he is sounding good!

If you'd like to learn more about The Bob and La Gloria, please feel free to leave a comment.

Ciao tutti.

What do you write about when you really have nothing to say?

 Yep, that's a tricky one.

I guess I could always take my lead from Peter or Robert.

Peter would start with a tune that is vaguely on topic.

I Got Plenty O' Nuttin'

With Robert it would either be something from the bible or something about AI.

John 23b,7:

"Does a Catholic Apologist plan his next blurb while sitting on the toilet? Well, only if he wants to make a shit speech."

Everyone always assumes that AI stands for Artificial Intelligence, but what if the particular, or chosen, AI is just not that smart?

I think that Rob (on his blog) was saying something about fried ice cream. Peter would call that scatological because that's his favourite word. Haven't you noticed? For Peter just about everything is scatological. No wonder Lynn kicks him out of the office!

Why has Rob's link to Tent Horn disappeared from his blog?

Look to the right - Curmudgeon, RBB, My facebook, but no mention of Tent.

Has Rob finally gotten sick of his fast spoken big words and the fact that he doesn't let his opponent get a word in? Well done Rob, if that's the case.

I didn't do any double bass or violin practice yesterday. However, I did fix a cupboard door in the kitchen. Why does that make me think of this picture?

Well, that's about all I can muster up for this post. Maybe one of the boys might post today, but I wouldn't hold my breath, if I were you.

Ciao tutti.

 

Three things all those who blog should be aware of.

Okay, quite a few people get a kick out of having a little blog and writing posts. It's sort of like being on Facebook but having more control over proceedings.

Most home bloggers won't have access to
a computer that is this big.

However, there are three things that bloggers should be aware of, and I only mention this for your own enjoyment and safety:

1) A transcript of a recorded conversation IS NOT a live recording or podcast.

Some bloggers make the mistake of purchasing a squeaky swivel chair and, when it comes time to record a conversation, it just sounds like, "Welcome squeak, squeak, Peter, Squeak, it's squeak good to squeak have you in squeak the squeak studio."

Often, in this situation, the blogger will resort to a transcription like...

Watch out for this.

2) Two's company, but not a crowd.

If you have a regular readership of two, you are not getting through to many people and should really consider returning to Facebook as your way of getting your message out to more people.

Generally, the concept of a crowd starts with three people. Remember that old saying, "Two's company, three's a crowd."

I know of two bloggers, in particular, that are lucky if they're getting two regular readers. These people should look at their comments - if comments are only from two people, back to Facebook for you!

3) People are not interested in your outside furniture.

There was once a blogger who wrote about a 'storm' that blew one of his outside chairs over. After he had posted, people (okay, the two people who read his blog) were heard to have said, "Who really cares?"

It's not really up there with world events. Please think before you post!

* * *

I hope that this gives some guidance to people who are thinking of becoming bloggers.

Ciao tutti and remember that, if you want a really satisfying 'blog experience', Richard's Bass Bag* should be your first port of call.

* the original bass bagging site