Sunday with Tent Horn Senior.

 

1950

Sunday was always a special day for Tent and he always attended the three Sunday masses at his Wellington church. 7am, 8.30am and 10am. However, today was a special day because he had organised the opening of a church shop.

Tent had always been one of those guys who passed the plate around. He'd suggested to the church committee that, with a small shop, they could make a lot more money.

The conversation went something like this:

Committee member 1: But what would we sell? Altar wine? Things to stop our girls getting pregnant?

Tent Horn Senior: I love you Ted. No, we'd sell things like holy pictures, rosary beads and maybe some plenary indulgences. Flowers could go well too.

Committee member 2: That 'Man' magazine is very popular with the young guys. We'd make quite a few quid if we added some of them.

Tent Horn Senior: I love you Patrick. No. If we promote rosary beads during the sermon, I reckon we'd make a killing. Also, we tell the congregation that wearing a holy picture in your shirt pocket, or inside your blouse, gives you extra protection from Satan.

Committee member 3: I'm with you Tent. Do you love me too?

Tent Horn Senior: Yes Brent, but only if you're not a homosexual.

Committee member 4: I think Father Thomas might be one of those. Have you seen the way he watches the boys when they're changing into their altar boy outfits?

Tent Horn Senior: No Mrs. Walker, Father Thomas is just a paedophile. That's different.

The church shop was quite a success. Tent Horn Senior was a smart guy who just continued to do good things for the church.