CHRISTMAS LETTER 2022 from Willis Grove.

Good morning. Okay, sorry, but that greeting is too specific. I mean, maybe you’re reading this in the evening or the afternoon? These Christmas letters can be tricky to write. Do I tell you everything that happened this year, set out under monthly headings? Probably, like most of you, we’ve had wonderful and sad things happen this year. I’m also wondering if it was the best option to add ‘from Willis Grove’ to the title. Well, sorry but it’s done now, so you’ll just have to live with it.

As many of you will know, I live with two women – Steph and Shelley*. It is great living with these two ladies. One ‘advantage’ being that I often get to fold a lot of women’s clothing (after doing the washing and drying) and try to work out who the hell each item belongs to. If you want your patience truly tested, try putting some of those items on a clothes hanger! I guess that this is why us men just wear shirts and trousers. Oh yes, and socks and underwear.

Okay, to kick things off, I could tell you about my violin and double bass strings (in quite a bit of detail) but both Steph and Shelley seem to find this topic really boring. Probably best if I avoid that one. Let’s have a think.

Well, I added the Willis Grove bit because that’s where we live. I could have used our combined surname (all three of us have the same one) but I was trying to be creative. Willis Grove, as some of you will know, is in Wainuiomata, Lower Hutt. I also call Wainuiomata ‘Nuova Lazio’ because it sounds more exotic. Well, I’m not the first person around here to rename things. Lower Hutt is often called Hutt City because, let’s face it, Lower Hutt makes our city sound like it’s only half a city. I mean, if you have a ‘Lower’ there has got to be an ‘Upper’, which means that Lower Hutt is half a place. Not very flash. Certainly not on the same playing field as places like Rome or San Francisco or Paris.

Sorry, I know, you want to hear about something that happened this year. You want information. Okay, I’ll pick a couple of months at random and see where it goes.

JUNE.

We have a storeroom and it’s pretty full of things – not helped by Steph having four vintage suitcases. Why she bought them I have absolutely no idea. Maybe she was planning to time travel back to the 1950s? Anyway, I could see that we needed some serious shelving. I set to work. I finished up buying two sets of metal shelves. I got them home and found the assembly instructions – I had never assembled metal shelves before. The first thing I read in the instructions was,

“Rubber hammer not included.”

I guess it would have been handy to have had a sign on the outside of the shelving package saying,

“You will need a rubber hammer to assemble these shelves.”

Anyway, I drove back to the shop in Hutt City and bought one. The rubber hammer is a very interesting tool. It has a wooden handle and the ‘hitting’ bit is made of very hard rubber that is almost as hard as metal, but enough about that. Let’s try another month.

SEPTEMBER.

I opened a cupboard and noticed the rubber hammer propped up against one corner of the space. It looked quite majestic. The black rubber ‘hitting’ bit seemed to have a sort of strange authority about it. I thought back to the time we had worked together in June. We had been a good team and I only injured one of my fingers. Fortunately, I was still able to play my string instruments.

I picked up the rubber hammer and carried it around for a while. What else could I use it for? I guessed that it would be a good weapon in a home invasion – not that we’ve ever had any of those.

Hammering nails probably wouldn’t be its strongest point, unless the nails had huge flat heads. I remembered that my brother had used one, as a youngster, when he had a holiday job at Ford Motors putting in windscreens. I guess at Christmas we could set up a game of ‘throw the rubber hammer’. Hey, that idea could take off! Maybe I should buy up all the rubber hammers in Hutt City and sell them as Christmas Day entertainment for all the family?

NOVEMBER.

The rubber hammer has been back in the cupboard for a while now. We have had no home invasions. Please don’t worry. I’m not giving up on finding a use for my rubber headed friend. Who knows what 2023 could hold for him?

Well, that’s about it from our family for 2022.

Shelley, Steph and Richard (of RBB) wish you all a safe and happy festive season.

Let’s hope that the big day is a sunny one.

Ciao tutti.







* their real names