Judgement Day. Part 4.

 Okay, the story so far:

God is probably bored, so He decides to make angels and people. He starts with angels. He has this sort of picture going on where everyone is ranked; from Himself (fantastically great) to angels (pretty damn good) to people (so-so) to demons (very, very bad). To make the situation plain, he makes demons very unpleasant to look at.

A sign put up in Ireland, in the early
days, read, "Tree demons wanted."
For some reason only three demons
applied.

When there is only God and the angels, something goes a bit wrong and an angel named Lucifer gets into serious shit. God deals with it by turning him into a devil (a branch of demon) and changing his name to Satan. 

If you look beyond the red makeup and the horns, you can probably see that Satan was quite a good looking angel - though with no genitals.

Then God puts Adam and Eve to work and he eventually finishes up making about 200 billion people, the majority of whom will eventually finish up in Hell. Among the earliest people he makes are cavemen (and cavewomen). They're a bit like small children, in that they have to discover how to survive and work things out for themselves. God leaves them to their own devices for a very long time. There is no mention of the one true church or transubstantiation. I really don't think that many of these people would have made it into Heaven. Satan, and a group of mates, get sent down to set up Hell. God has plans for Hell. I think that God was reliant on bad people so that the good ones would have something to judge themselves by. Remember that 'good and bad' are very important concepts to God. Just think for a minute, how and why did God let one of HIS brilliant angel creations get into so much shit? He could have given him a bit of guidance, like a good father does.

Okay, back to the cave dwellers for a minute. Remember that these people are trying to make sense of it all. They obviously notice the sun and wonder about it. They notice how the sun gives them both light and warmth. One day a few of them start referring to the sun as God - well, it makes sense. God doesn't try to put them right, he just thinks, "When I eventually get around to revealing myself to people, I'll give them a set of rules, one of which will be, 'No false gods!' People who don't follow my rules are going to Hell. Well, it's their own fault for being so slow to learn about science."

Satan and his team of demons take a little time to settle into Hell. The weather is very warm and there's no winter. After a while they sort of get used to it and life carries on for them.

Then they get a message from God.

"Okay, I need somewhere to send quite a few people. You guys seem to have a lot of time on your hands, so I'm going to put you all in charge of running the place like a very hot prison. Satan will be the CEO."

Well, that's how Hell got started. Originally 'Hell' was intended to be a very positive word - sort of like 'fragrance' or 'beauty' or 'friendship'. That all changed very quickly once the place was set up. Satan and his crew did their very best to make everyone feel welcome, but their demonic looks did not help. People expected the worst from them. Satan and the demons had wound up with a very unrewarding job, and there was no sick leave or holidays. Worse still, you couldn't resign.